Monday, December 29, 2008

Makes You Wonder...

As some of you know (hell, I don't even any readers who am I kidding?) I was adopted by my grandparents when I was a child. I have always looked up to them as my mom and dad and nothing will ever change that. So, yesterday I talked to my grandma (my sperm-donors mom) and she said that he was straightening up his act and really wanted to talk to me. Keep in mind the first time I met him I was 13 and he was a total a hole. Since then I probably talked to him once a year in his drunken stupor and had to listen to him saying how much he screwed up and he really wants to be a dad to me yada yada, even though he isn't a dad to the four boys all under the age of 7 so I don't know what makes me so special. Anyways, so she gives me his number. I figure eh its the holidays I will call and say hi. So, I call and his girlfriend that he moved in with answers the phone. I think at first she was wondering who the hell was calling her boyfriend. She said he was unavailable and asked who it was so she could tell him I told her it was S, his daughter. Magically he was available to talk-gotta love jealous women! So, he goes on to say he has been sober 150 days and is working at a juvenile detention facility with teenagers that are just like he used to be-great I really can't picture that but okay. So, he said he is going to file for custody of his children-good luck after not being there for three years or paying a single cent in court ordered support! I am happy that he is trying to change his life, I really am but a part of me only thinks this is a facade' and he is doing it for this woman as he has been sober as long as he has lived with her. Don't get me wrong I hope he does straightened up his act for himself and his boys but I see failure-I know that is horrible. He goes on to say he wants to come see his grandkids this summer. Well, that set me off I don't view him as my father and I never will. He didn't raise me, teach me the things as dad is supposed to teach, or even try to stay in contact with me. I feel being a grandparent is an achievement you can only achieve after you have raised your own kids and is a privileged title, not something you can just claim, but have to put in many hours of stress, pride, anger, happiness etc. to gain that title. So, I told him that they were not his grandkids and if he wanted to see them that was great but he was only DB to me not dad/father and he will never be grandpa. I was maybe a bit harsh but just because he is sober does not mean I am going to let him take a role in my life that has only brought me bitterness throughout the years of growing up. He sure won't be in and out of my children's lives as an important figure, he has a track record with me so why should I give him the benefit of doubt now? Sorry, just needed to vent.

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