Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Selfish?

I am 33 weeks today, I am still kinda in shock that I have made it this far. Considering that I have been in pre-labor since 29 weeks. I am sitting here wondering if I should make the decision to stop going in when I have contractions to get the terbutaline shot. Here is a little information on this shot: it is not FDA approved for stopping contractions, it is used "off list" for this. The most common side effects are: jitteriness (they aren't kidding!), increased heart rate (when my normal HR is around 70-80 and it goes to 141 i think that would definitely be considered increased heart rate), tremors (when you can't even see the wall because you are shaking so hard, its time to do something) mild adverse effects are: (which they say are "less common"): headache (yup they aren't kidding), dizziness (haven't had this one), drowsiness (most definitely!), restlessness (nope), insomnia (nope, never ever had a problem with this), rapid, pounding heart rate (ha! if that's what you call a HR of 141), increased sweating (no), muscle cramps in legs or hands (legs and it feels like my bones are breaking), nausea, heartburn, vomiting (haven't had those three woohoo), increased blood sugar. severe adverse effects are: rapid or irregular heartbeat (yup yup and check yup), increased blood pressure (yup), lowered blood calcium (don't think so), liver toxicity (not to my knowledge), severe lowering of blood pressure, seizures (nope & nope)... okay so for side effects I have all the common ones, most of the "mildly adverse", and one of the serious ones, yet they keep giving me this crap! By the way Tachycardia of the heart is defined as more than 100 beats per minute, I think I qualify for this being my heart rate was ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY ONE!!! Again, why do they think it is safe for a pregnant woman to take this medication??? Had I known any of this before I might not have accepted this shot. Also I have had the betamethasone (steroids to mature babies lungs), which taken in conjunction with terbutaline can cause other serious complications and puts me at risk for more complications, YET THEY GIVE THIS CRAP TO ME! Here are the complications it can have to MS: Tachycardia, Hypocalcemia, Hypoglycemia, Myocardial Ischemia, Cardiac Arrythmias, Hypotension, and Intraventricular Hemorrhaging. So am I accepting these medications that are harming me and most likely my baby just to keep her in longer when right now the risks of her being born right now are: not being able to maintain blood pressure, not being able to maintain body temperature, not being able to maintain blood sugar, (all of these are fairly minor things that she would have to stay in the NICU for a couple weeks to correct). According to March of Dimes she already has the ability to suck/swallow which is a major problem with most premature infants, she can breath and chances of her being on oxygen are fairly slim and if she is it would be a CPAP most likely, nothing too bad... Something I think I could handle if I had to. Okay so here is more medications that they are having me take while I am at home: Procardia (a heart medicine) but is also used for stopping contractions. Side Effects to this: dizziness, lightheadedness, giddiness, flushing heat sensation, headache, weakness, nausea, heartburn, muscle cramps, tremors, peripheal edema, nervousness, mood change, palpatations, dyspnea, coughing, wheezing, nasal congestion, sore throat. I have 15 out of 19 of those side effects and they want me to TAKE THIS CRAP? I am scared that by trying to keep her in longer I am hurting her even more. I am scared that these medications will have long term effects on me as well. When I am not taking the medication I am still occasionally getting a very fast heart rate, sweating, hot flashes... I didn't start getting these symptoms until I had gotten my first two shots of terbutaline. I am scared and slowly starting to lose faith in my OB, why wasn't I informed of these side effects? We are supposed to get an informed decision but I don't think I was accurately informed and now I am starting to maybe regret my decisions. I know at 29 weeks she would have been very small and had a hard time, but now its 4 weeks later. The risk of having her now isn't horrible and I think its something emotionally I could handle. I am 7 weeks away from being 40 weeks and 4 weeks away from being 37 weeks which is considered full term. Is having her 4 weeks before full term going to effect her horribly? I think I am going to call my OB today and have a discussion with her. Right now I am just scared and pissed off that I have had to find this out all on my own, isn't a doctor supposed to be your advocate? To do no harm? Maybe I am being selfish but I am not sure if I really want to have any more of these shots or take any more of the medication that was sent home with me... What if I have a heart attack when M is at work? I know he worries about me all day and makes me call once an hour so the chances of me dying aren't too great, but hey things happen. I know I am just being paranoid but can you blame me?

Monday, February 26, 2007

Fatal Things To Say To Your Pregnant Wife
17. "I finished the Oreo's."

16. "Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs forty pounds."
15. "Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby."
14. "I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever."
13. "Well, couldn't they induce labor? The 25th is the SuperBowl."
12. "Darned if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella."
11. "Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta hurt."
10. "Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!"
9. "I'm jealous. Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?"
8. "Are your ankles supposed to look like that?"
7. "Get your *own* ice cream."
6. "Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today."
5. "Got milk?"
4. "Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney."
3. "Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!"
2. "Retaining water ? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water."
And the Number 1 Fatal Thing To Say If Your Wife Is Pregnant..
1. "You don't have the guts to pull that trigger."
Hospital Visit #4?

Started having contractions again late last night, nothing really to be concerned about because my Happy Midwife (the one I like) told me not to be concerned unless I had more then six in hour. So long about 1pm today they started being more then six and becoming really painful. Another thing I was worried about was MS hadn't moved for 5 1/2 hours (your supposed to be concerned after 6 hours) so I called the OB and she said to come in immediately. They hooked me up to NST machine and her heart rate just stayed between 128-132 and I was having a lot of contractions. They were worried about MS because her heart rate should fluctuate. They sent me to the hospital to get a terbutaline shot and for additional monitoring of her heart rate. I got there and they checked me in, they didn't have any beds available in the antepartum unit so I was in the labor room, which I might add is a lot different then the antepartum unit, there are so many lights in there you feel like you are on display for the whole world to see anyway. Long story short they gave me two shots (were supposed to give three) they didn't give me the third one because my heart rate was too high it was 141 (higher then the babys!) but it did what it needed to do and stopped my contractions. I have now been sent home after they made sure my heart rate went down and my blood pressure was okay. I am on strict bed rest which I was on before yippee skippy! So now my goal is to keep her in till Friday at my next OB appt. with Happy Midwife.
Breastfeeding In Public
Recently I read an article about a lady on Delta Airlines that got kicked off the plane before take of because she refused to use a blanket to cover herself while breastfeeding. She says she was discreet about it (had window seat, husband on other side of her blocking view of others). I find absolutely absurd! For one there is no law saying you can't breastfeed in public! What are you supposed to tell your baby? Oh sorry honey I can't feed you because of stupid a$$holes that feel uncomfortable around a BOOB! Even though when you are not attached to my boob, everyone feels that they can stare at them since they are humongous from feeding you... So sorry darling you will have to starve till we get home. This lady is suing the airlines which I totally agree with! This is absolutely absurd and the stewardess who kicked her off the plane I hope is FIRED! This story got me so mad and now I will make it a point to breastfeed in every public place I can just to make those other people feel uncomfortable mwhahaha! On the bright side maybe I will get asked to leave somewhere and can sue them and make some money haha I doubt it. Sorry just had to put my two cents in on this story.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

*Post deleted due to privacy concerns*

Friday, February 23, 2007

32 Weeks/Dr. Appointments

Well I was complaining that they should reverse things in the doctor office so I would be less bored. Is someone in cyberland from the office reading this haha? Because they did just that today! I was hooked up to the NST machine for the 30 minutes then the nurse came in and said we are going to keep it on longer and we are going to get you to turn on your left side to try to get some activity out of her... Which scared me a little, I thought eveything was okay since her heart rate was in the 130's (supposed to be in between 110-160 range). So when they said this I was flipping, I was getting asked if she was moving okay, which yeah she has been a little less active but in my mind nothing to worry about. Finally her heart-rate accelerated (i think thats the term they used) to 158-159 and stayed there for about 2 minutes and they were very happy with this. Now my mind is some what eased but I am going to do some research to see if it hadn't what that would mean. Lets see what else, oh yeah I have another bladder infection yippee skippe (thanks third kidney!) so I am now on antibiotics for that... I always have bladder infections so nothing new with that but they said it can cause me to have more contractions and they want to prevent that. I got some stuff to try for my heartburn (this isn't just any heartburn people, this feels like your insides are crashing in on you, can't breath, start sweating etc. and i am fairly good at tolerating pain and this just sucks!) So, hopefully this stuff will work! I have hit a "milestone" in my midwife's opinion. If the baby came out today she would most likely be perfectly fine (which is somewhat a relief, but I would like her to stay in full term). Yesterday I went out and bought her, her coming home outfit... Its adorable in my opinion :) Its a very very frilly lacy pink & white dress and I got her lacy socks & shoes with a little headband that has a bow. I used to always say if I had a girl I would never dress her up... Well this is a start of that going out the window haha!

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

32 Weeks




It has hit me that I don't have much more time with this little monster in my belly... I think I will miss being pregnant to some extent. People are always smiling at you, opening doors, offering their seats, commenting how pretty I look, and overall just being nicer. Things I won't miss about being pregnant, people TOTAL strangers thinking they can touch your belly. Just because my stomach sticks out does not give people the right to touch my stomach! I think the next person who does that I will say why are you touching my fat? Hmm... that might make them feel bad mwhahah! I had a guy at the gas station come running (yes literally running) over and touch my stomach before I could turn away and he said "love for the baby" OH MY GOD PEOPLE! In his defense he looked like a total druggie, so maybe he was hopped up on drugs and has no idea how to behave in a social setting... People are just weird. I feel awkward when people I don't know ask me when I am due. I know this is weird but there is a lot of news stories where women will ask others when they are due and stalk them and cut their baby out. Yes I know the likelihood of this happening is slim but I still scares the crap out of me. So when people ask when I am due I tell them May and leave it at that even though we all know I am not due in May but thats besides the point, gives me a month to fend of my stalker! Lets see what else, I am already tired of going to the doctor twice a week, but I know its so little miss in there can stay healthy but its down right boring, maybe they should mix up the routine... Instead of weighing, peeing in a cup, seeing the midwife or doctor, getting an internal exam, and hooking up to the NST machine they should do it in reverse occasionally? Yes, I know I am a weirdo!

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Rant

I just looked at my picture... Not just a glance that I did earlier... I have realized my butt is almost as big as my stomach! How could I have let this happen? I know it was inevitable but I don't care! I felt that was one thing that I could control, the weight gain and stretch marks, but I guess thats all going down the drain because my butt is HUGE, my stomach is HUGE, and I have a good ten stretch marks. Ahhhh to be nieve again about being able to control something! Oh well that just means I will have to exercise more and get those endorphins flowing after Miss Uterine Hitchhiker is born. I have also been reading a lot of parenting blogs lately, having come from a rather HUGE family I thought I knew everything there was to know. Boy was I wrong, now I sit here and think will I be able to handle all this? Its going to be crazy, I think I will hide in my little hole and pretend to not have read any of those blogs and pretend I know everything again, haha I wish!
*Post deleted due to privacy issues & not figuring out how to just delete a post*


Friday, February 16, 2007

Dr. Appt/31 weeks

Doctor appointment went good. I had the midwife I like :) YAY! Sorry that makes me happy. I have been asked about twenty times now if I do drugs! It finally got me and I said well do a drug test then, she stated they already had and it came back negative, well then why the hell do you keep asking me? Her response: because most pre-term labor in women your age are caused my drugs, oh gee thanks now just because miss. uterine hitchhiker doesn't want to stay in I get accused of doing drugs, thanks women for giving people that don't do drugs a bad name! (sorry having a bitch fit over hit about people thinking I am a druggy!) Anyways, babies heart rate is great staying 130-150 woohoo, no decelereation in the 10 minutes I was on the NST (YAY). Its really weird seeing my chart though, I know have a bright orange sticker stating High-Risk and a bright yellow sticker stating I am in pre-term labor... Woohoo I get pretty stickers now! My next appointment is on Tuesday, so we gotta keep little miss hitchhiker in there atleast another 4 days, woo I hope I make this goal!

Thursday, February 15, 2007

31 Weeks



I know I know today is Thursday and my appointment was on Tuesday but hey, I have been lazy! Everything is going okay, I am still only dilated to a 1 WOOHOO! (sorry thats a good thing that I am not dilating farther). I am still having occasional contractions. The midwife that I saw (not my favorite, but due to someone having a baby i had to take her) told me that most likely i have a "sensitive cervix" still need to research that. But I think it means once so much weight is on it, it begins to open? Correct me if I am wrong. But she is doing good, kicking all the time so I am taking that as a sign all is well with the uterus hitchhiker.

I am now also 31 weeks, nine more weeks till I am due. I know that I probably won't be able to make it that long but with each doctor appointment I make it my goal to make it to that appointment. So my goal is keep her in till Friday (tomorrow) that is when my next appointment is. Hopefully my doctor or my mid-wife is there because I really don't like this other one. Don't get me wrong she is really nice but I guess I am stereotyping, I know thats horrible. Lets call her MidWife California Blonde, she has a perfect tan, bleach blonde hair, blue eyes and way to freaking bubbly. So I just don't feel like she knows anything when she is taking care of me and my precious baby. I know I know I shouldn't stereotype, but are you really going to stop me? NOPE (thats what i though :P)

Saturday, February 10, 2007

*Post deleted due to privacy issues*

Friday, February 09, 2007

My big ol' belly, which better get bigger because I am determined to keep her in!

Gotta love how a hospital visit will make you look, still trying to understand how some people after giving birth look fantastic... Crazy women!

Hospital Update 2

Went back on Thursday afternoon, started having contractions again. They sent me back over to the hospital where they gave me some injections to stop the contractions. They stopped so they sent me home. I am considered in pre-term labor now and 1 cm dilated... Still wondering if I should have pushed the issue and not let them send me home because I just didn't feel right. I have gained 11 lbs. since Tuesday because of all the Saline they have given me. I am beginning to wonder if I am getting the right care, do most hospitals send some one home after they are dilated and only 30 weeks pregnant? My contractions have started again, I am going to wait about 20 more minutes and call the doctor again maybe this time something different will be done because quite personally I am scared to death of having her at home or something because the hospital is full of idiots.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Hospital

We had quite the scare on Tuesday, I started having contracations so the doctor wanted me to come in right away. After an exam, sonogram, and a NST they decided to send me to the hospital next door. After I got there they ran more sonograms (right now she is 2 lbs 12 oz.), her lungs look pretty good and she is actually bigger then what they thought which make me VERY happy to hear. They shoot me full of steroids to try to get her lungs to mature faster and gave me some other shot to stop my contractions. They were pretty close to doing a c-section on Tuesday night but decided to see what happened on Wed. well Wed. right before they were about to release me with very strict bedrest orders, it started happening again, so we got to go through all the shots, blood draws, etc. again. She stabilized and is looking good. Now its just a time of waiting. We are hoping to make it these next ten weeks after all I am the best baby cooker there is compared to anything a hospital would have. But at least the full round of steroids have been administered so her lungs have developed more rapidly in case they still need to do a c-section. I am now on bedrest with "bathroom" privileges, how fun is that? Oh well its what is best for her and I am willing to lay my butt in bed for 70 days if that is what it takes. I have to go see the doctor twice a week now until she decides she wants out or they decide its no longer safe to keep her in me. My new goal is to keep her in till Valentine's Day then at 31 weeks things will be a little bit better then at 30 weeks. I will keep you posted, and I have more sonogram pictures for you guys, just got to scan them when I am feeling more like myself. Here is to taking one week at a time and hopefully she isn't here at Valentine's Day.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

I have been tossing and turning all night, wondering this wondering that. It seemed like at every hour my eyes would pop open and hit me with yet another question. I swear M thinks I am going crazy, because I would sit there and ponder these questions and of course have to wake him up to discuss them because I felt they were just that important. Even though now looking back, it was more amusing then importance.

2am I woke up to wondering what if my parents could get here when the baby is born because there is a tornado? Great question right? Especially for 2 o'clock in the morning when the rest of the world is sleeping. I ponder well what if they had to run up and under a over pass to avoid it, would it be their death? Would they die on the day their grandchild is born? I sat and thought and seriously thought (I know your thinking I am crazy! I am beginning to think so) So, finally I could take it anymore! I woke M up to ask him about this question that has cluttered my sleep. He first started laughing and said where do you come up with these things? Which kinda hurt my feelings :( But then he said well they just wouldn't be able to make it see her born but they could see her afterwards. So, I was satisfied with the answer and everything was okay again.

3am I was awoke to yet another daunting question. This time it was will MS love me immediately and will I love her immediately? I mean don't get me wrong people I have feelings I could never have for some one other then my child in my stomach right now, but I can't quite say if its love or not. So, I lay there, half crying, half trying to think intellectually about all this. Finally I couldn't take it anymore. I woke M up!

Me: Honey??? Honey??? Honey???
M: What Now?
Me: Will I love MS as soon as I see her?
M: Do you like your pets when you first get them?
Me: Yes
M: Okay you will love MS a when you first see her

Not sure if that was really the best answer for M to say but it helped me go to sleep for the rest of the night and here I am now.

I have begun to think I am absolutely certifiably wacko nuts! I can never find anything anymore. If I put my cup down, 90% chance of me not finding it again that day. In M's words "the baby is sucking your brain out" thinks sweetie. Love you too :)

Thursday, February 01, 2007

30 weeks...
I can't believe I only have 10 more weeks to go! I am starting to freak out a little bit over the small stuff. Don't get me wrong I am really excited but scared to death about things that I know its just I ask myself will I be able to do it for my own child even though I have done it for others... I dunno, maybe I am weird? I ask myself all these goofy little questions like will I remember to hold her neck up, will i hear her in the middle of the night stuff that really has no significance because I know I can do it but I guess I just have to ask myself these things... I am starting to wonder if I can really do it without an epidural, those baby birth shows on television are starting to get to me. They didn't before but now they really are. I got my registration packet on Tuesday from my doctor for the hospital, they ask so many questions, half of them i am not even sure why they are relevant! Its real comforting when on there it asks you if you have a living will or have talked to loved ones about what you would want done if life saving measures for yourself were to occur, so now I am a little freaked out about that as well. I got a brochure about the 3D ultrasound, we are pretty sure we are going to do that, it looks really neat. lets see what else, oh people have been bugging me about pregnancy pictures, I know i need to put some on here but our digital camera is still messed up and i need to develop our film and scan some pictures at least, I just need to get off my butt and do it! Hm mm what else, I think that's about it as far as this week.

Pregnancy Symptoms: Contractions (even though they say its okay, I am not sure if I believe them), Sore Back, Fat Feet