Birth Story

March 21st I was put on cervadil to thin my cervix, they didn't think this would put me into labor and I would have to wait for the morning to start pitocin. Around 10pm that night those contractions started and let me just say contractions are not fun! All I could do was lay there and imagine how gorgeous she was going to be that is what helped me get through those nasty nasty contractions.

Around 3:30 in the morning of the 22nd my nurse came in looked at the monitor and said "hmm" then another nurse and another... At this point I started to freak out a little bit, I asked what was wrong, they said her heart rate was falling every time I had a contraction. The said they were scheduling a c-section at 5:30 in the morning and they had to stop the contractions.

Next thing I know the nurse comes in and says we are prepping you for c-section now... (this was about 3:50am). Next thing I know I am being wheeled into an operating room. I remember hearing rock music playing and it was really hot in there! It took six tries for the doctor to get my epidural correctly placed which seemed like an eternity being hunched over and leaning on M. As soon as the epidural took effect they started cutting.

It was really laid back in there I think mainly because I knew all the nurses and the doctors because of weeks of being there on bedrest and wheeling around the hospital almost non-stop in a gorgeous black wheelchair (haha). I got compliments like "you got really great tissue" which I was amused about that then and I still am! M was able to videotape the whole thing which was absolutely awesome.

At 4:39 am MS was brought into this lovely world. The moment Dr. S raised her over the screen for me to see I lost it. I started bawling and I was so relieved she was here. I mumbled the words "I'm a mommy" it hit me that all of these months that I have had my little angel inside me I had grown to love her so much that it hurt.

She had to be taken to NICU because her body temperature was really low so M went up there with her which was a relief to me. Around 8 am they wheeled me up in the bed and let me see her for 5 minutes, I cried the whole time. I was devastated that I couldn't hold my baby, all I could do was stare and that hurt.

Around 930 I was already up there to go see my precious angel she was in an isolette and a heart rate monitor attached to her. I begin to cry, she looked so vulnerable and tiny. I just wanted to grab her, hold her to my chest and run out of the building.

Now its day 6 in NICU. She was under bili-lights for jaundice but those levels have went down. She is eating very well! They are weaning her temperature down. She was moved to a crib but had to go right back to an isolette because she had gotten too cold. Doctors say she should be home by the weekend... I am sure hoping so!

Mismatch Family Has A New Member

This little munchkin here would be why I haven't updated in a while. I will update soon I promise

Ms born March 22 @ 439am weighing 4 lbs. 2 oz. and 17 inches long

Baby Shower

I had my baby shower on St. Patrick's Day down in the hospital basement. It was a lot of fun and made the day go by a lot faster than it normally would, which is okay with me! We got a lot of clothes, I could dress her once an hour for a week and still have clothes clean left over, which isn't a bad thing.

I am able to walk around now twice a day, this makes me happy. I am becoming to appreciate my legs! I am still on the macrobid for my bladder infections until I deliver.

Tomorrow we find out if MS has grown anymore, I hope she has, keep your fingers crossed and us in your prayers.

I found out that the NICU here doesn't have a weight requirement to leave NICU its based on performance. If they can eat, sustain body temp, blood sugar and eat on their own which makes me breath a little bit better but I still want her to have some more weight on her.

I will put pictures up of the baby shower when I get home (who knows when that will be) but this internet here is pretty slow and I don't want to try and upload/download pictures for 5 hours!

35 Weeks... 1 More To Go

I feel like I am getting bigger, I have gained more weight. I just hope the gain in weight is because MS is growing, I will find out if she has grown some more next Tuesday (crossing fingers that she has put on atleast 14 oz.) I don't really have any pregnancy symptoms besides being big, swollen feet, and having to lay in bed all day. Oh well one more week is all I keep telling myself.

Midlife (read her comment on It's Sinking In), had stated it could take up to a EDIT*COUPLE DAYS* (sorry, I need to learn how to read better), I asked my midwife about this today and she said and I quote "yeah it can happen but don't worry if you aren't dilating in 24 hours we will do a c-section" oh yeah not worry huh? crazy woman now wants me to start pulling my hair because really I don't want to have a c-section. I will of course do it if it comes to that but I would rather not. Oh well I will do what I got to do!

Its Beginning To Sink In

Yesterday Dr. S did a doppler to check the blood flow from the placenta to the baby, it has more resistance (I think that is the wording he used) which is what he had expected. Anyways they are going to be inducing me on the 21st, so thats seven days away... Wow seven. I sit here and realize that seven days isn't that far away. I am beginning to get a little nervous about how everything is going to go. Seven days I will be a mother, in seven days I will have a daughter, in seven days I will be changing diapers, seven days I will be feeding a beautiful little girl.... Wow, in only seven days.

Thankful & Lucky

I have a lot of time to really think lately. I sit here day in day out for the past five days and I have eleven more days to go. Yes, I will admit I have been feeling sorry for myself and realized that is just pure stupid. I am able to go outside in a wheelchair, I am able to get out of my room. Also I am 34 weeks, most of these women here with the exception of 2 or 3 women. Really I am one of the lucky ones. Earlier today there was a lady who I believe was 25 weeks pregnant and she went into labor and they couldn't stop it. She had to have a c-section and I just feel so bad for her. Reason I say think she was so many weeks is you catch certain things while wheeling through the hallways. So tonight before I go to sleep I will pray that her and her child or children are safe and that they are recovering because today I am one of the lucky ones.

Hospital

Well I am in the hospital. Finally got my internet connection up and running woohoo! I went to the doctor on Tuesday. They hooked me up to the NST and the baby was not reactive (meaning more than 3 acclerations in 30 minutes). Midwife wanted to do a BPP (Bio-Physical Profile) which is they want 2 movements & 2 kicks in 30 minutes. We were not prepared for what they said next. She is measuring two weeks behind and they wanted me to go see the perinatologist immediately. They sent me next door to the hospital and I saw Dr. S and he confirmed that yes she was two weeks behind in growth. Weighing 3.4 lbs. He diagnosed me with IUGR (Inter-uterine growth retardation) he recommended I stay in the hospital until delivery to monitor her and recommended inducing me at 36 weeks which is on March 21st. So I am here for a while. I am scared to death I know she will be in NICU for a while and they sent a neonatologist in to discuss that with me. I am trying to prepare for that emotionally. Dr. L said she shouldn't be in NICU for too long and will most likely be able to breath on her own and I will be able to breast feed her. They are just worried about her weight. I will try to keep everyone posted.

Sign #2 That My Husband Is Crazy

While driving to go to dinner my husband needs to blow his nose. Some how I have managed to prepare myself for these situations... My purse has become a stock pile of junk. I fish out a kleenex for him and he blows his nose. He then decides to share is nasal content with me. He says "hey look" yes I am actually dumb enough to look down. In it was a yellow gob of what seriously looked like jiggly jell-o. I couldn't help it but I started gagging and did so for about 10 minutes, he is obviously amused and keeps trying to make me look at this nasty kleenex. Later after I composed myself I started thinking, is boogers really supposed to look like jello? I know my boogers have never looked like that...

Relocation to the Woods... Life Would Be Grand

A couple days ago I was reading a post by Mr. Crank. Here is the five people I would add to that lovely relocation list.


1. Richard Simmons: How can you be so darn chipper while hopping around and sweating like no other? Your hair must go through a bottle of hairspray a day. So if you went to the forest maybe you could become more man like and actually have some hair on your legs for once!

2. Britney Spears: Quit doing stupid things to try to get yourself noticed. I realize you want attention but this is not the way to do it. People do not just shave their heads, drink at all hours while caring for two children, and please next time when going out wear some damn underwear it won't kill you. Please hand me my tranquilizer gun.

3. Ashton Kutcher: Your a menace to society. You remind me of a little kid trying to get attention anyway they can as a desperate attempt to be liked. Get over it and put some big boy underwear on!

4. Lindsay Lohan: I used to like you, when you weren't such a alcoholic/druggy. You deserve a reward for going to rehab so many times... If only they wouldn't let you leave

5. Tom Cruise: Its your right as an American to discuss religion, but please don't push it upon people that could careless how you live your life. Don't act like such a baby and start jumping on chairs.

33 Week Pictures

*Edited-picture removed due to privacy issues*

Here is the cooked turkey! Pictures courtesy of frogbfound... I feel huge, I can no longer get off the couch without a little shove or legs flying in the air. I have gorgeous stretch marks or as I like to call them "badges of honor" tonight I was at frogbfound's and her cute little nine year old daughter saw them as say "WOW you are really stretched" gee thanks kid! Don't you love how blunt kids can be...

A Rambling of a Tired Woman

M isn't feeling well so of course you know the whole world must stop and he must be waited on hand and foot. Why is it that most men are such big babies when they are sick? I know its not all guys so don't go blasting my comments with those darn men comments haha. I remember growing up and my dad was the same way as M rarely got sick but when they did they seemed to think the whole world should notice. Even though I think my dad was worse then M (or so my mom has led me to believe)!

M has also become obsessed with hand sanitizer. Yes, I know he is weird but that's okay I guess he has clean hands with his new found obsession. Bottles of the stuff have been placed strategically throughout the house. I have to admit its kind of cute with his stuffy nose asking "wheres da saaaaaanitzer? Aha the things that amuse my little brain.

My belly button is starting to pop out. Does that mean I am about to be done cooking? I would love to go into labor at 37 weeks on the dot (considered full-term) but I know that probably won't happen. Anyways I am tempted to paint the inside of my belly button red like the turkey thermometers they have shoved in them so that I can "pop like a turkey" Yes people I am easily amused.

I am also extremely jealous. Everyone else gets tagged with meme's but not me. So really you faithful and loyal readers I want a meme or I will be forced to make my own meme. Yes desperate times call for desperate measures

Angry Patient

33 weeks 2 days

Well I went to the doctor today. I was accompanied by M and his mom. I love his mom she is fantastic. Anyways, they did my NST first MS's heart beat was in the 120's now with the appropriate amount of accelerations (rise of the heart beat more then 20 beats for 15 or more seconds). My blood pressure is now back to normal. Cranky Nurse said "wow that's the first time since Jan. that its been a normal number. (Maybe thats because I am not taken my medications mwhahaha I know I am such a rebel HAHA). They hooked me up to the lovely fetal monitors and I layed there for my great 20 minutes. Bad Midwife came in (yes her name has now changed). I am measuring 33 cm. so I am right on goal she commented I had a small belly. ARE YOU KIDDING ME HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MONSTROUS THING ARE YOU NOT PAYING ATTENTION??? She is due in August and I hope she gains 100 pounds now for saying that! She agrees with not taking the shot anymore but said I should keep taking the procardia. I as nicely as possible told her that I would prefer not to and look at my chart my blood pressure is finally normal since starting that crap. Her reply "well you should still take it" well she can kiss my lily white butt (yes its eye blinding white!). I told her I was really worried and upset that she didn't take my phone calls, she said she was busy. Yeah whatever lady its your job to take care of the patient and I AM THE PATIENT! I told her well she could have at least had the nurse call me, she took the point so maybe I won't have the problem again... She agrees that my "cold" is probably due to allergies and told me I could take over the counter Claritin for it, something I already knew but at least she is trying to be a care provider. I might feel differently if I need to call her and she doesn't return my calls again. Fool me once shame on you, Fool me twice shame on me. If there is a next time I will not be a very happy camper. Bad Midwife also said that after I hit 36 weeks that I will be able to go off all medications and come off bed rest, WOOHOO! I am still continuing the bed rest and I think that is probably a wise decision.

M thinks that I should still take the procardia even though he has seen the effects it has on me. He said he just wants MS to be okay which I understand but it also pissed me off because WHAT ABOUT ME? I know there are now two individuals to think about but it just rubbed me the wrong way. He also states that well those side effects are probably for "long term use" well in a pregnancy what is considered long term... 9 mo, 6 mo. or the 3 months that I should be taking them. Oh well its not like he checks my medication to make sure I took them so he will never know until I tell him after MS is born.

In response to Moi yes I have considered switching providers but in my clinic everyone shares patients, there is two doctors and three midwifes and it just depends on the day who I see. So I would have to totally change clinics and then wouldn't be able to deliver at the hospital that I would like to deliver. Also because of the complications I have had I don't just want to change and have a new doctor not really know my history or else I would have changed in a heart beat. I just keep telling myself 7 1/2 more weeks till my due date and I won't have to mess with them anymore, I suppose I can handle that.

Move Over The Rest of the Blog HAS ARRIVED!

I have now moved parts of my blog over here. If you want to see them they would be in any other label that isn't called Pregnancy with MS because chances are thats why you came here originally in the first place since this was started for that purpose only. I don't know what I was thinking trying to maintain two blogs, its not that easy trying to come up with things to post that are relevant to each blog! So if you want to take a look at all the pictures have fun!

Rant Alert

First I would like to thank my readers (I HAVE THREE! WOOHOO) for their input and encouraging words.

Regarding my post yesterday, M and I are at odds because of it. He doesn't seem to understand why I feel this way and I have tried my best to convey the message but now I am at my wits end and about to pull my hair out. He seems to think I have to take this shot everyday for it to do harm to me and I don't feel that way. I have already had that shot five times now and still take the pills (Procardia). So, now there is a war in the Mismatch Household over whether to take anymore of the stupid shots. I have drawn the line though I pretty much have my mind made up that no I am not going to take anymore of that shot but I will however continue to take the procardia. I am going to talk to my midwife's boss about it Dr. Iamsofreakingskinny about it since nobody over there can seem to listen to their voicemails. I know they probably think I am just some crazy lunatic that reads too much. They always tells me don't read, don't believe anything you read. Well where I get my sources I happen to believe, its all scientific evidence and not just something someone decided to write... Therefore I am going to ask questions because if someone won't make sure I am taken care of and question the doctors then I have to do it!

In one way I regret getting close to my Happy Midwife because now I am a little pissed off about the whole situation. Why didn't she tell me any of these things about the medicine? Did she feel it was safe? I don't know the answers to these questions because SHE WON'T CALL ME BACK. Its getting to the point where I am getting so mad if I wasn't already 33 weeks along I would switch clinics and go somewhere else.

In other news my tail bone really really really hurts! I swear MS has taken it in her hands and broken it to pieces haha. I know I shouldn't complain because it could be much much worse.

Also today I am going to be switching my HUGE blog over here so look for new posts for a while!

Selfish?

I am 33 weeks today, I am still kinda in shock that I have made it this far. Considering that I have been in pre-labor since 29 weeks. I am sitting here wondering if I should make the decision to stop going in when I have contractions to get the terbutaline shot. Here is a little information on this shot: it is not FDA approved for stopping contractions, it is used "off list" for this. The most common side effects are: jitteriness (they aren't kidding!), increased heart rate (when my normal HR is around 70-80 and it goes to 141 i think that would definitely be considered increased heart rate), tremors (when you can't even see the wall because you are shaking so hard, its time to do something) mild adverse effects are: (which they say are "less common"): headache (yup they aren't kidding), dizziness (haven't had this one), drowsiness (most definitely!), restlessness (nope), insomnia (nope, never ever had a problem with this), rapid, pounding heart rate (ha! if that's what you call a HR of 141), increased sweating (no), muscle cramps in legs or hands (legs and it feels like my bones are breaking), nausea, heartburn, vomiting (haven't had those three woohoo), increased blood sugar. severe adverse effects are: rapid or irregular heartbeat (yup yup and check yup), increased blood pressure (yup), lowered blood calcium (don't think so), liver toxicity (not to my knowledge), severe lowering of blood pressure, seizures (nope & nope)... okay so for side effects I have all the common ones, most of the "mildly adverse", and one of the serious ones, yet they keep giving me this crap! By the way Tachycardia of the heart is defined as more than 100 beats per minute, I think I qualify for this being my heart rate was ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY ONE!!! Again, why do they think it is safe for a pregnant woman to take this medication??? Had I known any of this before I might not have accepted this shot. Also I have had the betamethasone (steroids to mature babies lungs), which taken in conjunction with terbutaline can cause other serious complications and puts me at risk for more complications, YET THEY GIVE THIS CRAP TO ME! Here are the complications it can have to MS: Tachycardia, Hypocalcemia, Hypoglycemia, Myocardial Ischemia, Cardiac Arrythmias, Hypotension, and Intraventricular Hemorrhaging. So am I accepting these medications that are harming me and most likely my baby just to keep her in longer when right now the risks of her being born right now are: not being able to maintain blood pressure, not being able to maintain body temperature, not being able to maintain blood sugar, (all of these are fairly minor things that she would have to stay in the NICU for a couple weeks to correct). According to March of Dimes she already has the ability to suck/swallow which is a major problem with most premature infants, she can breath and chances of her being on oxygen are fairly slim and if she is it would be a CPAP most likely, nothing too bad... Something I think I could handle if I had to. Okay so here is more medications that they are having me take while I am at home: Procardia (a heart medicine) but is also used for stopping contractions. Side Effects to this: dizziness, lightheadedness, giddiness, flushing heat sensation, headache, weakness, nausea, heartburn, muscle cramps, tremors, peripheal edema, nervousness, mood change, palpatations, dyspnea, coughing, wheezing, nasal congestion, sore throat. I have 15 out of 19 of those side effects and they want me to TAKE THIS CRAP? I am scared that by trying to keep her in longer I am hurting her even more. I am scared that these medications will have long term effects on me as well. When I am not taking the medication I am still occasionally getting a very fast heart rate, sweating, hot flashes... I didn't start getting these symptoms until I had gotten my first two shots of terbutaline. I am scared and slowly starting to lose faith in my OB, why wasn't I informed of these side effects? We are supposed to get an informed decision but I don't think I was accurately informed and now I am starting to maybe regret my decisions. I know at 29 weeks she would have been very small and had a hard time, but now its 4 weeks later. The risk of having her now isn't horrible and I think its something emotionally I could handle. I am 7 weeks away from being 40 weeks and 4 weeks away from being 37 weeks which is considered full term. Is having her 4 weeks before full term going to effect her horribly? I think I am going to call my OB today and have a discussion with her. Right now I am just scared and pissed off that I have had to find this out all on my own, isn't a doctor supposed to be your advocate? To do no harm? Maybe I am being selfish but I am not sure if I really want to have any more of these shots or take any more of the medication that was sent home with me... What if I have a heart attack when M is at work? I know he worries about me all day and makes me call once an hour so the chances of me dying aren't too great, but hey things happen. I know I am just being paranoid but can you blame me?

Fatal Things To Say To Your Pregnant Wife
17. "I finished the Oreo's."
16. "Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs forty pounds."
15. "Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby."
14. "I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever."
13. "Well, couldn't they induce labor? The 25th is the SuperBowl."
12. "Darned if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella."
11. "Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta hurt."
10. "Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!"
9. "I'm jealous. Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?"
8. "Are your ankles supposed to look like that?"
7. "Get your *own* ice cream."
6. "Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today."
5. "Got milk?"
4. "Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney."
3. "Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!"
2. "Retaining water ? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water."
And the Number 1 Fatal Thing To Say If Your Wife Is Pregnant..
1. "You don't have the guts to pull that trigger."

Hospital Visit #4?

Started having contractions again late last night, nothing really to be concerned about because my Happy Midwife (the one I like) told me not to be concerned unless I had more then six in hour. So long about 1pm today they started being more then six and becoming really painful. Another thing I was worried about was MS hadn't moved for 5 1/2 hours (your supposed to be concerned after 6 hours) so I called the OB and she said to come in immediately. They hooked me up to NST machine and her heart rate just stayed between 128-132 and I was having a lot of contractions. They were worried about MS because her heart rate should fluctuate. They sent me to the hospital to get a terbutaline shot and for additional monitoring of her heart rate. I got there and they checked me in, they didn't have any beds available in the antepartum unit so I was in the labor room, which I might add is a lot different then the antepartum unit, there are so many lights in there you feel like you are on display for the whole world to see anyway. Long story short they gave me two shots (were supposed to give three) they didn't give me the third one because my heart rate was too high it was 141 (higher then the babys!) but it did what it needed to do and stopped my contractions. I have now been sent home after they made sure my heart rate went down and my blood pressure was okay. I am on strict bed rest which I was on before yippee skippy! So now my goal is to keep her in till Friday at my next OB appt. with Happy Midwife.

Breastfeeding In Public

Recently I read an article about a lady on Delta Airlines that got kicked off the plane before take of because she refused to use a blanket to cover herself while breastfeeding. She says she was discreet about it (had window seat, husband on other side of her blocking view of others). I find absolutely absurd! For one there is no law saying you can't breastfeed in public! What are you supposed to tell your baby? Oh sorry honey I can't feed you because of stupid a$$holes that feel uncomfortable around a BOOB! Even though when you are not attached to my boob, everyone feels that they can stare at them since they are humongous from feeding you... So sorry darling you will have to starve till we get home. This lady is suing the airlines which I totally agree with! This is absolutely absurd and the stewardess who kicked her off the plane I hope is FIRED! This story got me so mad and now I will make it a point to breastfeed in every public place I can just to make those other people feel uncomfortable mwhahaha! On the bright side maybe I will get asked to leave somewhere and can sue them and make some money haha I doubt it. Sorry just had to put my two cents in on this story.

*Post deleted due to privacy concerns*

32 Weeks/Dr. Appointments

Well I was complaining that they should reverse things in the doctor office so I would be less bored. Is someone in cyberland from the office reading this haha? Because they did just that today! I was hooked up to the NST machine for the 30 minutes then the nurse came in and said we are going to keep it on longer and we are going to get you to turn on your left side to try to get some activity out of her... Which scared me a little, I thought eveything was okay since her heart rate was in the 130's (supposed to be in between 110-160 range). So when they said this I was flipping, I was getting asked if she was moving okay, which yeah she has been a little less active but in my mind nothing to worry about. Finally her heart-rate accelerated (i think thats the term they used) to 158-159 and stayed there for about 2 minutes and they were very happy with this. Now my mind is some what eased but I am going to do some research to see if it hadn't what that would mean. Lets see what else, oh yeah I have another bladder infection yippee skippe (thanks third kidney!) so I am now on antibiotics for that... I always have bladder infections so nothing new with that but they said it can cause me to have more contractions and they want to prevent that. I got some stuff to try for my heartburn (this isn't just any heartburn people, this feels like your insides are crashing in on you, can't breath, start sweating etc. and i am fairly good at tolerating pain and this just sucks!) So, hopefully this stuff will work! I have hit a "milestone" in my midwife's opinion. If the baby came out today she would most likely be perfectly fine (which is somewhat a relief, but I would like her to stay in full term). Yesterday I went out and bought her, her coming home outfit... Its adorable in my opinion :) Its a very very frilly lacy pink & white dress and I got her lacy socks & shoes with a little headband that has a bow. I used to always say if I had a girl I would never dress her up... Well this is a start of that going out the window haha!

32 Weeks

It has hit me that I don't have much more time with this little monster in my belly... I think I will miss being pregnant to some extent. People are always smiling at you, opening doors, offering their seats, commenting how pretty I look, and overall just being nicer. Things I won't miss about being pregnant, people TOTAL strangers thinking they can touch your belly. Just because my stomach sticks out does not give people the right to touch my stomach! I think the next person who does that I will say why are you touching my fat? Hmm... that might make them feel bad mwhahah! I had a guy at the gas station come running (yes literally running) over and touch my stomach before I could turn away and he said "love for the baby" OH MY GOD PEOPLE! In his defense he looked like a total druggie, so maybe he was hopped up on drugs and has no idea how to behave in a social setting... People are just weird. I feel awkward when people I don't know ask me when I am due. I know this is weird but there is a lot of news stories where women will ask others when they are due and stalk them and cut their baby out. Yes I know the likelihood of this happening is slim but I still scares the crap out of me. So when people ask when I am due I tell them May and leave it at that even though we all know I am not due in May but thats besides the point, gives me a month to fend of my stalker! Lets see what else, I am already tired of going to the doctor twice a week, but I know its so little miss in there can stay healthy but its down right boring, maybe they should mix up the routine... Instead of weighing, peeing in a cup, seeing the midwife or doctor, getting an internal exam, and hooking up to the NST machine they should do it in reverse occasionally? Yes, I know I am a weirdo!

Rant

I just looked at my picture... Not just a glance that I did earlier... I have realized my butt is almost as big as my stomach! How could I have let this happen? I know it was inevitable but I don't care! I felt that was one thing that I could control, the weight gain and stretch marks, but I guess thats all going down the drain because my butt is HUGE, my stomach is HUGE, and I have a good ten stretch marks. Ahhhh to be nieve again about being able to control something! Oh well that just means I will have to exercise more and get those endorphins flowing after Miss Uterine Hitchhiker is born. I have also been reading a lot of parenting blogs lately, having come from a rather HUGE family I thought I knew everything there was to know. Boy was I wrong, now I sit here and think will I be able to handle all this? Its going to be crazy, I think I will hide in my little hole and pretend to not have read any of those blogs and pretend I know everything again, haha I wish!

*Post deleted due to privacy issues & not figuring out how to just delete a post*

Dr. Appt/31 weeks

Doctor appointment went good. I had the midwife I like :) YAY! Sorry that makes me happy. I have been asked about twenty times now if I do drugs! It finally got me and I said well do a drug test then, she stated they already had and it came back negative, well then why the hell do you keep asking me? Her response: because most pre-term labor in women your age are caused my drugs, oh gee thanks now just because miss. uterine hitchhiker doesn't want to stay in I get accused of doing drugs, thanks women for giving people that don't do drugs a bad name! (sorry having a bitch fit over hit about people thinking I am a druggy!) Anyways, babies heart rate is great staying 130-150 woohoo, no decelereation in the 10 minutes I was on the NST (YAY). Its really weird seeing my chart though, I know have a bright orange sticker stating High-Risk and a bright yellow sticker stating I am in pre-term labor... Woohoo I get pretty stickers now! My next appointment is on Tuesday, so we gotta keep little miss hitchhiker in there atleast another 4 days, woo I hope I make this goal!

31 Weeks

I know I know today is Thursday and my appointment was on Tuesday but hey, I have been lazy! Everything is going okay, I am still only dilated to a 1 WOOHOO! (sorry thats a good thing that I am not dilating farther). I am still having occasional contractions. The midwife that I saw (not my favorite, but due to someone having a baby i had to take her) told me that most likely i have a "sensitive cervix" still need to research that. But I think it means once so much weight is on it, it begins to open? Correct me if I am wrong. But she is doing good, kicking all the time so I am taking that as a sign all is well with the uterus hitchhiker.

I am now also 31 weeks, nine more weeks till I am due. I know that I probably won't be able to make it that long but with each doctor appointment I make it my goal to make it to that appointment. So my goal is keep her in till Friday (tomorrow) that is when my next appointment is. Hopefully my doctor or my mid-wife is there because I really don't like this other one. Don't get me wrong she is really nice but I guess I am stereotyping, I know thats horrible. Lets call her MidWife California Blonde, she has a perfect tan, bleach blonde hair, blue eyes and way to freaking bubbly. So I just don't feel like she knows anything when she is taking care of me and my precious baby. I know I know I shouldn't stereotype, but are you really going to stop me? NOPE (thats what i though :P)

*Post deleted due to privacy issues*

My big ol' belly, which better get bigger because I am determined to keep her in!

Gotta love how a hospital visit will make you look, still trying to understand how some people after giving birth look fantastic... Crazy women!

Hospital Update 2

Went back on Thursday afternoon, started having contractions again. They sent me back over to the hospital where they gave me some injections to stop the contractions. They stopped so they sent me home. I am considered in pre-term labor now and 1 cm dilated... Still wondering if I should have pushed the issue and not let them send me home because I just didn't feel right. I have gained 11 lbs. since Tuesday because of all the Saline they have given me. I am beginning to wonder if I am getting the right care, do most hospitals send some one home after they are dilated and only 30 weeks pregnant? My contractions have started again, I am going to wait about 20 more minutes and call the doctor again maybe this time something different will be done because quite personally I am scared to death of having her at home or something because the hospital is full of idiots.

Hospital

We had quite the scare on Tuesday, I started having contracations so the doctor wanted me to come in right away. After an exam, sonogram, and a NST they decided to send me to the hospital next door. After I got there they ran more sonograms (right now she is 2 lbs 12 oz.), her lungs look pretty good and she is actually bigger then what they thought which make me VERY happy to hear. They shoot me full of steroids to try to get her lungs to mature faster and gave me some other shot to stop my contractions. They were pretty close to doing a c-section on Tuesday night but decided to see what happened on Wed. well Wed. right before they were about to release me with very strict bedrest orders, it started happening again, so we got to go through all the shots, blood draws, etc. again. She stabilized and is looking good. Now its just a time of waiting. We are hoping to make it these next ten weeks after all I am the best baby cooker there is compared to anything a hospital would have. But at least the full round of steroids have been administered so her lungs have developed more rapidly in case they still need to do a c-section. I am now on bedrest with "bathroom" privileges, how fun is that? Oh well its what is best for her and I am willing to lay my butt in bed for 70 days if that is what it takes. I have to go see the doctor twice a week now until she decides she wants out or they decide its no longer safe to keep her in me. My new goal is to keep her in till Valentine's Day then at 31 weeks things will be a little bit better then at 30 weeks. I will keep you posted, and I have more sonogram pictures for you guys, just got to scan them when I am feeling more like myself. Here is to taking one week at a time and hopefully she isn't here at Valentine's Day.

I have been tossing and turning all night, wondering this wondering that. It seemed like at every hour my eyes would pop open and hit me with yet another question. I swear M thinks I am going crazy, because I would sit there and ponder these questions and of course have to wake him up to discuss them because I felt they were just that important. Even though now looking back, it was more amusing then importance.

2am I woke up to wondering what if my parents could get here when the baby is born because there is a tornado? Great question right? Especially for 2 o'clock in the morning when the rest of the world is sleeping. I ponder well what if they had to run up and under a over pass to avoid it, would it be their death? Would they die on the day their grandchild is born? I sat and thought and seriously thought (I know your thinking I am crazy! I am beginning to think so) So, finally I could take it anymore! I woke M up to ask him about this question that has cluttered my sleep. He first started laughing and said where do you come up with these things? Which kinda hurt my feelings :( But then he said well they just wouldn't be able to make it see her born but they could see her afterwards. So, I was satisfied with the answer and everything was okay again.

3am I was awoke to yet another daunting question. This time it was will MS love me immediately and will I love her immediately? I mean don't get me wrong people I have feelings I could never have for some one other then my child in my stomach right now, but I can't quite say if its love or not. So, I lay there, half crying, half trying to think intellectually about all this. Finally I couldn't take it anymore. I woke M up!

Me: Honey??? Honey??? Honey???
M: What Now?
Me: Will I love MS as soon as I see her?
M: Do you like your pets when you first get them?
Me: Yes
M: Okay you will love MS a when you first see her

Not sure if that was really the best answer for M to say but it helped me go to sleep for the rest of the night and here I am now.

I have begun to think I am absolutely certifiably wacko nuts! I can never find anything anymore. If I put my cup down, 90% chance of me not finding it again that day. In M's words "the baby is sucking your brain out" thinks sweetie. Love you too :)

30 weeks...
I can't believe I only have 10 more weeks to go! I am starting to freak out a little bit over the small stuff. Don't get me wrong I am really excited but scared to death about things that I know its just I ask myself will I be able to do it for my own child even though I have done it for others... I dunno, maybe I am weird? I ask myself all these goofy little questions like will I remember to hold her neck up, will i hear her in the middle of the night stuff that really has no significance because I know I can do it but I guess I just have to ask myself these things... I am starting to wonder if I can really do it without an epidural, those baby birth shows on television are starting to get to me. They didn't before but now they really are. I got my registration packet on Tuesday from my doctor for the hospital, they ask so many questions, half of them i am not even sure why they are relevant! Its real comforting when on there it asks you if you have a living will or have talked to loved ones about what you would want done if life saving measures for yourself were to occur, so now I am a little freaked out about that as well. I got a brochure about the 3D ultrasound, we are pretty sure we are going to do that, it looks really neat. lets see what else, oh people have been bugging me about pregnancy pictures, I know i need to put some on here but our digital camera is still messed up and i need to develop our film and scan some pictures at least, I just need to get off my butt and do it! Hm mm what else, I think that's about it as far as this week.

Pregnancy Symptoms: Contractions (even though they say its okay, I am not sure if I believe them), Sore Back, Fat Feet

29 weeks

I have 78 days more to go till I am due (not that I am counting or anything) haven't really done much in the past week.

Been sick with some respiratory thing. So i have been sleeping A LOT! I am tired of winter and ready for summer. I am bored being pregnant and just want to see her gorgeous face. I still have so much to do but I know I can get it done. M's mom is planning the baby shower for me, which is going to be awesome (she always out does herself, she is an awesome MIL... really i think of her as a second mom not really an in-law) anyways i think i am done with the weekly update. My next dr. appt is tomorrow, not really sure what they are going to do this time :( prolly try to poke me a gazillion times haha, as long as i don't have to drink the sugar drink again i think everything will be okay :) pretty soon i will be having my next sonogram YAY! I am soooo excited for that... i keep trying to picture what she is going to look like and i have dreams, maybe i am right I dunno. I think she is going to have blonde hair and green eyes and be the worlds most beautiful baby in the whole wide world (of course i am going to think that haha) okay enough of my ramblings I am off to explore the world (or some version of that)

Pregnancy Symptoms: Contractions (ALREADY), Achy Back, Fat Feet

Twins in womb, getting annoyed with each other... I thought it was cute!

26-28 Weeks

28 Weeks: Haven't been doing too much lately... Been extremely tired, just wanting MS to come, I guess I am starting to get bored with being pregnant...

27 Weeks: Had my glucose test, that wasn't too much fun being as I couldn't eat until the test was done. The contractions I have been having are fairly normal as long as they don't last for more than an hour and less than 10 min. apart consistently... I am supposed to drink 1 liter of water and take a Tylenol within an hour from the onset of contractions.

26 Weeks: She is just beating me up all the time, she loves kicking my bladder. M and her have a game, he pushes on my belly and she kicks back and they will do this for about an hour... Me on the other hand I am just getting beat up on both sides when they do this

Happy 28th Birthday M!

Well I have not personally celebrated two birthdays with you. I will still always make fun of you for being nine years older than me and that is just the way its going to be. I hope you are having a good birthday! At least you got your birthday off of work! I can't wait to spend more birthdays with you. Just think last year you had a girlfriend on your birthday, this year you have a wife on your birthday, and next you will have a wife & daughter on your birthday... How much better can life get? Happy Birthday Sweetheart!

23 Weeks

Went to doctor, everything looking great! Found out I have to do my glucose test next month, I am not looking forward to that. I have heard so many bad things about how disgusting it is and how crappy you feel afterwards.

Pregnancy Symptoms: Achy Back

Sonogram Pictures

19 Weeks

Got a sonogram on Tuesday, we know the sex!

Everything is going really good, they said the baby is two days ahead of the schedule, but they then said that is perfectly normal. The baby is really active, likes to kick a lot which is the weirdest feeling in the world. We are getting ready to go see my parents, haven't seen them in 3 1/2 months. So that is going to be exciting! I am debating if I should tell you if the baby is a boy or girl. But I guess I should be nice. But I know a lot of people have been wondering so if you want to know its at the bottom of this post.

Pregnancy Symptoms: Big Belly, Still can't eat Chinese Food, Non-Shedding Hair, Oily Skin, & Achy Back


The baby is.... Drum Roll Please........................
A Girl

16 & 17 Weeks

Tomorrow I am 17 weeks along. We went to the OB today, everything is looking good! It took her ten minutes to find the babies heart beat. Which scared the living beegeebees out of me!

Then they had to take my blood to check for neural tube defects (Alpha Beta Protein Test)... 40 minutes later and lots of pokes and bruises later they still weren't able to get any blood, so I have to go back on Thur. to try again. Oh well at least they admitted their defeat and realized maybe I should come back.

On the 21st we get to find out if the baby is a boy or girl! M and I are very excited about this!

15 Weeks... Oh My!

Its been a busy two weeks. We haven't really had too much time to really sit down and relax much. Have had some visitors, been going out with friends, and we have a halloween party this Saturday which is going be to lots of fun. My tummy is getting a little bit bigger, its really weird looking down at my stomach and seeing thats its round and getting hard. My next ob appt. is in November 7th I can't wait... They will probably just treat me like a pin cushion to satisfy their morbid needs of taking my blood away from me. According to my pregnancy calendar I am 104 days pregnant, it doesn't seem that long. In five more weeks I will already be 1/2 way through my pregnancy, it seems to be just flying by.

Pregnancy Symptoms: Sore Boobs, Back Hurting, & Leg Cramps
Atleast I don't have morning sickness anymore!

13 Weeks

Sorry I have been really busy and forgot to post on my 12 week mark. I'm sorry family and friend who keep calling to see if I have updated it. Instead of calling me why don't you just look for yourself?? Just a suggestion!

Today was my second doctor appointment with Dr. Skinny. Everything is looking good. I am going to start calling the phlembotomist Miss. Vampire as it seems like she took too much blood, where does it all come from? My next appointment is November 7th (I think I get a sonogram then) Dr. Skinny was really busy today and rushed in and out leaving me with questions. Is this a sign that maybe I should go to another doctor?

We have finally decided on a name for a girl and a name for a boy. M said we won't have to worry about a boy name because HE KNOWS its a girl. I just slowly nod and say yes honey. He is after all a cutie and you can't resist laughing when he says this. Its one of those got to be there moments.

I have already gotten some baby things, I know its early but I am a very prepared person and would go out of my mind if I hadn't had these things. So as of right now I have boxes piled in my living room that eventually need to be taken out and put together. I will wait till M gets home to do this because its more amusing watching him put things together. Just imagine I am sitting in the middle of the floor with the instructions and he is sitting there piecing parts together saying he doesn't need any help until about twenty minutes later when he really does need the help... Just another point that reading directions first always saves time.

Its weird to say that I am in my 2nd trimester now. It has gone by so fast that its crazy. Its almost leaving my head spinning. I still remember the day I first found out I was pregnant and rushed to M's work to tell him.

New symptoms of being pregnant: leg cramps. Yes, these really really suck but I have to suck it up and be a big girl.

11 Weeks & Counting

In the last week nothing too much has changed. I have discovered though that little baby hates I repeat hates Chinese food and demands it be forced out of my stomach immediately after eating the yummy food.

M is starting to get more excited, ever since he saw the first sonogram he has become more protective of me its really kind of cute.

10 Weeks

It seems like my stomach is already growing. Its weird how pregnancy effects your personality, emotions, and your physcial appearance. Its really quite a lot to take in all at once. I know have 30 more weeks to go. We told M's parents today they are really happy, this will be the first grandchild on his side of the family. I am starting to get over the morning sickness which is fine by me! I am really rather tired of running to the toilet all day (the person that first called it morning sickness should be shot its all-day sickness people). My next doctor appointment is October 11th. I have been on a KFC kick, not exactly a craving because I could live without it if I had to.

M said my face is starting to change. When asked what he meant he said its getting skinner. Skinner I ask? Yeah. Then he made the deadly mistake, I think its getting skinner because the baby is sucking any and all fat from your body to make your belly. Oh boy he is in trouble now!

Chapter Closing

**This is a back dated post from my written journal**

Today is the closing on my life as just a married woman. I found out I am pregnant today. Wow, I am pregnant.... I keep re-reading that line. I didn't think it would happen this fast but it was meant to be. I am now going to be starting a new chapter of Married & Pregnant. Its crazy how fast these chapters have been starting and closing so quickly. But its meant to be and God won't give me anything I can't handle.

This morning I wake up to loud sirens and drums playing. I rush out of bed and put my shoes on because I had just realized I forgot that the parade was today. Fortunately I was able to pour myself some caffeine and relax on the porch to watch the parade (our street is on the parade route) we were out there for two hours so that should tell you the parade was pretty big! This was my favorite picture, I just have a fascination with wagons, I know I am weird.

This post was deleted due to privacy issues

9 Week Pregnancy

I didn't realize I was that big already until I am sitting here looking at this picture. Lets start head to toe with what is different with me now.

Head: Well my hair is now more greasy then it used to be and I am no longer "shedding hair" its getting thicker and I am not sure if I truly like thick hair even though I have always wished for thicker hair! My face has become more oily which I hate, I have always had the no pimple skin (I know some people hate me right now for saying that)
Chest: Well this is a no-brainer and I am not sure if I should even mention it, but yes my boobs are getting bigger and I used to wish I had bigger boobs but now I just want my little boobies backkkkkkkk!
Stomach: Well its getting bigger, can't ya tell?
Hips: Umm... yeah I think this is where most of the weight has went, I have turned into Mrs. Thunderthighs
Feet & Toes: Nothing unusual has happened to them and I hope to keep it that way!

9 weeks

First Doctor Appt 9 Weeks 1 Day

This morning I went to the doctor, M joined me. They first took me into the room to do a sonogram, I will post those as soon as M gets back home because he has to hook up the printer... Anyways, as soon as they get to where the baby is the baby is just moving around like no other, its really pretty amusing. Its like our little baby is a dancing machine haha! M gave the baby the name, little gummy bear hahah! Today the baby measure 24 mm which M says is about an inch long (I am horrible at math so I have no choice but to believe him). That is just totally amazing to me that you can see something that small.

Then we talked to the dr. her name will now be Dr. Iamtooskinny, she is really nice! She asked me if I had any questions which I didn't since I have been reading up the wazoo! She warned me about toxioplasmosis yes I know not to change the litter box, who said I did that even before I got pregnant? (Another not, after years of being a vet tech according to Dr. Google I am immune to it but I am not going to take the chance)

Anyways I will post the pictures sometime tonight for everyone to see! M is getting more excited now that he "can see there really is something in there" I thought that was really cute. Oh yeah and the babies heartrate is 172 which they said is really good, so yeah anyways, more later! I will post sonogram pictures for you.

Also one more thing my due date has been changed to April 18th right now... Okay yeah I think I am done for now haha!

8 Weeks & Counting

**This post is post is back-dated, I didn't actually tell anyone I was pregnant until 10 weeks and I am doing this because I want to get all my feelings down from my paper journal that the online world doesn't see**

I wanted to post this picture before I forgot so I can look back and see how big I have gotten over the months. I am still trying to convince myself that yes I am pregnant and no this isn't some fantastic dream. I read that in these 8 weeks the baby already has eyelids, arm buds, and leg buds. Its amazing how fast they grow! My first OB/GYN appointment is tomorrow, I am pretty excited about it. I just really want to hear his/her heartbeat so I know that yes there really is something inside me growing!

M and I have started to discuss baby names I know its early but hey, we are going to be first time parents and we have a lot of quiet time with each other so of course things come up! We can't decide on a girl name whatsoever so watch we will probably have a little girl and she will have no name because M can make fun of every single name that I like. Yes, he is very creative and it irks me because I really like these names but he doesn't want him/her to be made fun up at school. He just keeps saying well kids are mean and if an adult can think of ways to make fun of a name just think what a kid can do. Okay, so maybe he does have a point.

M and I have also begun discussing what sex we think the baby is. I really really think its a boy, now that I have put that down the baby will probably be a girl so I can make a fool out of myself by saying I know my body... Well we will see eventually how "in tune" my body is to these things haha. M thinks the baby is a girl. When asked why he says he doesn't know he just thinks its a girl. Men I will never understand their reasonings... But for today I will go with it.

I know I am only 8 weeks pregnant but two of things MIGHT be going on (a) I am going crazy or (b) I am already gaining weight and my belly is already starting to show a little bit

**Update** I found out its (B) that yes I am starting to gain some weight and get a belly. I have gained 2 lbs. 3 oz. to be exact.**

Most people don't know this but I am a baseball fanatic! I live and breath baseball when it is baseball season. I have also been a bat girl for a team for eight years now... Yes I know I am out-growing this but I really don't care. Every year is the NBC and I have attended now since I was about eight years old. This was alway Daddy & Me time. This year though it has started to grow into a family event. My dad, brother, me, and M attended. My team went three rounds that I bat-girl for (well I have a lot more jobs then that laundry, managing, getting people from point A to B, scouting etc.) It was truly a fun week and I was just able to relax, enjoy the sun and the great games. So many people I saw couldn't believe I was married now, I practically grew up in this Lawrence Dumont Stadium so it was a real shocker for some people that hadn't seen me in a while. M isn't really into baseball but he tried his best and said he would like to go back next year woohoo I am recruiting him into a baseball fanatic, I just have to take baby steps with him and I am sure in a couple years he will live and breath baseball to when its baseball season.

I was disappointed that my team didn't do that well. Oh well there is always next year. They have been coming to this tournament for twenty years now so they don't plan on leaving anytime soon! GO STARS!

Oh and the picture on the left that is Laces he is the NBC mascot and I know him personally but I can't reveal his name he is just Laces. But he made that costume all by himself in a couple weeks isn't that awesome?

Honeymooners

Our honeymoon was fantastic! We were in very big city Kansas in a gorgeous hotel full of shops and lots of exciting things to see. We had a balcony and it was Memorial Day Weekend, bands were playing and fireworks. It was really cool to be sitting on the balcony seventeen floors up and just listening to the orchestra as the fireworks went off. It was truly romantic. We went up for dinner at a place that is 50 floors up and the restaurant rotates that was really cool to see the sights of downtown and enjoy a relaxing dinner. Very very neat. Thanks M's parents for giving us a great honeymoon!

Took the Plunge

Its official! Mr. & Mrs. Mismatch. I can't believe we have come this far. It seems like only yesterday that I fell madly in love with you and have begun to love you more and more everyday. It seems like yesterday when I would cry because I had to go back to small town Kansas for the week and couldn't wait for the next week to come and see you again. It seems like yesterday when we first told each other we loved each other. Wow, it just seems like yesterday...

The wedding went fantastic! It was fairly warm outside (90 F) but was breezy so that really helped. My dad walked me down the aisle and I almost started to cry. I am a big daddy's girl and earlier about 45 minutes before the wedding my dad hadn't turned up. I later found out he didn't want to come until the wedding because his little girl was all grown up now and he didn't want to cry. The justice of the peace was a little irritating but thats okay, he just spoke very slow. I just kept looking into M's eyes wondering what he was thinking as he had "just gotten dust in his eye" (YEAH RIGHT). I tried my hardest not to cry and I didn't, even though I was very tempted to. It was a very emotional day for M and I both. It was truly amazing and I don't think it could have gone any better. With the lake to our backs and the sun setting and be pronounced husband and wife it was like we were the only two there suspended in time looking into each others eyes. I will remember this forever. Now we are off on our honeymoon!

Holy Moly!

I am already closing another chapter in my life. Tomorrow I will be a married woman, no longer a fiance'. I am scared to death about what the future holds for my life. I still haven't come to realize that I will be Mrs. Mismatch tomorrow. In front of all of our family and friends I am going to commit myself to M and it scares me to death. I am not scared because I know this is a lifelong commitment, I am not scared to be with him forever. I am scared because its something I have no control over. I have no control over my feelings for M which are so strong that it scares me. I have no control over M's feelings which he says are very deep and he proves that to me everyday in his actions towards me. How was I so lucky to ever meet someone like him? We are exact opposites with few things in common but some how it works fantastically. We know we can live with each other so that is not something I am concerned about. I am just scared of the future because I can not see into it.

My friend frogbfound threw me a Bridal Shower. It was really neat to see how much of my family traveled three hours just to be there. That really made me feel important that day. Even though we did have a few shall we say "incidents" everything went pretty good. I got a lot of really cool stuff that I wanted and some things that I hadn't requested (see picture) but hey even those unrequested items were pretty cool! Thanks everyone

For the "incident" this would include a lady I was friends with for a while. L was supposed to be in my wedding and was invited to the bridal shower. We had a falling out a couple weeks beforehand. Unfortunately should decided she could not handle this like an adult and decided to show up to to my Bridal Shower. I handled it pretty good, she pretended like she was returning a blanket I let her borrow for her son. I opened the door and she yelled bitch and threw the blanket. I was appalled and extremely embarrased all I could muster saying was Thank You. Why or why did you just say thank you? Really I could have came up with a better come back then that but Thank you? Oh well it was probably a good thing because had she said anything else my lack of judgement might have kicked in and I would say things that shouldn't be said in front of family, friends, and acquaintances from the church. After my company had left L had her sister-in-law call me and attempt to degrade me and this is where my lack of better judgement came in and I began to yell and scream absurdities to no end and hung up. But L's SIL was presistent and kept calling to which my good judgement came in and I just called the police. Charges have been filed for phone harrasment and these parties have been spoken with. I could never have a good time without just a little added drama now could I? Thus is life.

It's MY Birthday!

Its My Birthday!

Today I have been on this earth for eighteen years. Looking back a lot of things have happened in my short little life. I was born to a seventeen year old that had other responsibilities. The people I call mom & dad where there from day 1 (the used to be my grandparents). They legally adopted me once I was four years old. I moved to a small town in Kansas and grew up there knowing everyone and them knowing me. I made a lot of stupid decisions in my teenage years and paid a lot on consequences but now I am on the right track. Just in the past year I have grown up a lot and I thank God everyday for molding me into the person I am today.

These are me and M's babies. Trouble & Gizmo... Trouble is my cat that I raised from a wee litte kitty. Gizzy as she is affectionately known as is M's cat that he raised since she was three weeks old. Our cats have total opposite personalities much like M & I. Trouble is the very playful, cuddly cat like M and Gizzy is the one that has the more leave me the hell alone unless I come to you attitude much like me. (The reason I am posting this is I am trying to delay my wedding preparation duties of calling the caterer back!)

My Engagement Ring... Again

Sorry I am just so excited about having my ring. I still can't believe I have gotten this far in my life. It seems like just yesterday when I started talking to M online, talking to him on the phone, finally meeting him, moving here, and now I am engaged to this great man. Yes, I am still in shock. We have discussed wedding dates and decided on May 27th. Which isn't very long away so I will be very busy making lots of plans, first on my list starting rounding the family together!

Wedding Dress Shopping

Wedding Dress Fittings

Today M's mom and I went out to find a wedding dress for me. Especially since the wedding is only in two months! I think I was slightly crazy for deciding to get married in May knowing I only had a couple months to plan everything. But I am getting it together (I think!) I picked this dress because it has everything I want in wedding dress and it was fairly inexpensive for a wedding dress (yes, I am bargain shopper). This dress has everything I want button down and tie down, a-line, long, and nice train. I am starting to feel like a Queen. Be prepared M to spoil me like the Queen I am! Anyways M's mom thought that this dress was a great pick as well. I hate that my family is three hours away but M's family has been doing a great job of accepting me and helping me do what I need to do. I can truly call them family.

Engagement Ring

Here is my engagement ring. M proposed to me last month but we hadn't decided on a ring until now. I guess this makes it "official" and now the chapter of my life of "starting a new life" is over and now I am an "engaged woman." Everything has seemed to happen to fast I am caught in a whirlwind and it doesn't seem to slow down. I am so in love I don't think I could possibly love anyone as much as I could love M.

Life As I Know It Is Changing...

This morning my life changed dramatically. This morning when I woke up I awoke to a very awake M (which is very abnormal)! I rolled over and turned to him asking him what he was doing. His reply "watching you sleep so peacefully, your always a gorgeous angel when you are asleep." Which I thought was really sweet! Then he said "people always say if you can see how beautiful your significant other is when they are awake and you love how beautiful they are when their mascara is smeared, makeup wearing off, and hair standing up that you could definately marry them." At this point a million thoughts were going through my head, I asked myself if he was going to ask me to marry him and I thought no he wouldn't do that while we were laying in bed and dismissed it and thought it was just a conversation we were going to have. Then he said "S I love you so much and I think you are the most gorgeous when you just wake up with your glassy eyes and crazy hair. I could wake up to you for the rest of my life and be happy. Will you marry me?" Of course I immediately started to cry and say yes over and over again... So now the chapter in my life of Starting a new life has closed and I am starting a new chapter in my book... I am now a Level 2 commited person: an engaged one.

It's Official, I am Movin' On Out

Well, today is the day that I move out of my secure and cozy home that I have lived in since I was five years old. Its going to be weird living in a big city! I am 99.9% sure that I can handle living with M. I am sure there are going to be lots of interesting times with him after all he hasn't lived with anyone for six years and I have always had my parents so I could be a little bit more lazy then I can be now. Poor M he is going to have to experience my "cooking" and learning how to cook better and all my OCD rituals. I hope he can handle it, I have told him about these things and every weekend he has gotten to witness these events but he hasn't lived with it, so this could get very interesting. Well, its time for me to put my big girl panties on and walk the road less traveled by my family (which is move out and stay out of mommy's & daddy's), I am scared of failure and determined not to.