Birth Story

March 21st I was put on cervadil to thin my cervix, they didn't think this would put me into labor and I would have to wait for the morning to start pitocin. Around 10pm that night those contractions started and let me just say contractions are not fun! All I could do was lay there and imagine how gorgeous she was going to be that is what helped me get through those nasty nasty contractions.

Around 3:30 in the morning of the 22nd my nurse came in looked at the monitor and said "hmm" then another nurse and another... At this point I started to freak out a little bit, I asked what was wrong, they said her heart rate was falling every time I had a contraction. The said they were scheduling a c-section at 5:30 in the morning and they had to stop the contractions.

Next thing I know the nurse comes in and says we are prepping you for c-section now... (this was about 3:50am). Next thing I know I am being wheeled into an operating room. I remember hearing rock music playing and it was really hot in there! It took six tries for the doctor to get my epidural correctly placed which seemed like an eternity being hunched over and leaning on M. As soon as the epidural took effect they started cutting.

It was really laid back in there I think mainly because I knew all the nurses and the doctors because of weeks of being there on bedrest and wheeling around the hospital almost non-stop in a gorgeous black wheelchair (haha). I got compliments like "you got really great tissue" which I was amused about that then and I still am! M was able to videotape the whole thing which was absolutely awesome.

At 4:39 am MS was brought into this lovely world. The moment Dr. S raised her over the screen for me to see I lost it. I started bawling and I was so relieved she was here. I mumbled the words "I'm a mommy" it hit me that all of these months that I have had my little angel inside me I had grown to love her so much that it hurt.

She had to be taken to NICU because her body temperature was really low so M went up there with her which was a relief to me. Around 8 am they wheeled me up in the bed and let me see her for 5 minutes, I cried the whole time. I was devastated that I couldn't hold my baby, all I could do was stare and that hurt.

Around 930 I was already up there to go see my precious angel she was in an isolette and a heart rate monitor attached to her. I begin to cry, she looked so vulnerable and tiny. I just wanted to grab her, hold her to my chest and run out of the building.

Now its day 6 in NICU. She was under bili-lights for jaundice but those levels have went down. She is eating very well! They are weaning her temperature down. She was moved to a crib but had to go right back to an isolette because she had gotten too cold. Doctors say she should be home by the weekend... I am sure hoping so!

Baby Shower

I had my baby shower on St. Patrick's Day down in the hospital basement. It was a lot of fun and made the day go by a lot faster than it normally would, which is okay with me! We got a lot of clothes, I could dress her once an hour for a week and still have clothes clean left over, which isn't a bad thing.

I am able to walk around now twice a day, this makes me happy. I am becoming to appreciate my legs! I am still on the macrobid for my bladder infections until I deliver.

Tomorrow we find out if MS has grown anymore, I hope she has, keep your fingers crossed and us in your prayers.

I found out that the NICU here doesn't have a weight requirement to leave NICU its based on performance. If they can eat, sustain body temp, blood sugar and eat on their own which makes me breath a little bit better but I still want her to have some more weight on her.

I will put pictures up of the baby shower when I get home (who knows when that will be) but this internet here is pretty slow and I don't want to try and upload/download pictures for 5 hours!

35 Weeks... 1 More To Go

I feel like I am getting bigger, I have gained more weight. I just hope the gain in weight is because MS is growing, I will find out if she has grown some more next Tuesday (crossing fingers that she has put on atleast 14 oz.) I don't really have any pregnancy symptoms besides being big, swollen feet, and having to lay in bed all day. Oh well one more week is all I keep telling myself.

Midlife (read her comment on It's Sinking In), had stated it could take up to a EDIT*COUPLE DAYS* (sorry, I need to learn how to read better), I asked my midwife about this today and she said and I quote "yeah it can happen but don't worry if you aren't dilating in 24 hours we will do a c-section" oh yeah not worry huh? crazy woman now wants me to start pulling my hair because really I don't want to have a c-section. I will of course do it if it comes to that but I would rather not. Oh well I will do what I got to do!

Its Beginning To Sink In

Yesterday Dr. S did a doppler to check the blood flow from the placenta to the baby, it has more resistance (I think that is the wording he used) which is what he had expected. Anyways they are going to be inducing me on the 21st, so thats seven days away... Wow seven. I sit here and realize that seven days isn't that far away. I am beginning to get a little nervous about how everything is going to go. Seven days I will be a mother, in seven days I will have a daughter, in seven days I will be changing diapers, seven days I will be feeding a beautiful little girl.... Wow, in only seven days.

Thankful & Lucky

I have a lot of time to really think lately. I sit here day in day out for the past five days and I have eleven more days to go. Yes, I will admit I have been feeling sorry for myself and realized that is just pure stupid. I am able to go outside in a wheelchair, I am able to get out of my room. Also I am 34 weeks, most of these women here with the exception of 2 or 3 women. Really I am one of the lucky ones. Earlier today there was a lady who I believe was 25 weeks pregnant and she went into labor and they couldn't stop it. She had to have a c-section and I just feel so bad for her. Reason I say think she was so many weeks is you catch certain things while wheeling through the hallways. So tonight before I go to sleep I will pray that her and her child or children are safe and that they are recovering because today I am one of the lucky ones.

Hospital

Well I am in the hospital. Finally got my internet connection up and running woohoo! I went to the doctor on Tuesday. They hooked me up to the NST and the baby was not reactive (meaning more than 3 acclerations in 30 minutes). Midwife wanted to do a BPP (Bio-Physical Profile) which is they want 2 movements & 2 kicks in 30 minutes. We were not prepared for what they said next. She is measuring two weeks behind and they wanted me to go see the perinatologist immediately. They sent me next door to the hospital and I saw Dr. S and he confirmed that yes she was two weeks behind in growth. Weighing 3.4 lbs. He diagnosed me with IUGR (Inter-uterine growth retardation) he recommended I stay in the hospital until delivery to monitor her and recommended inducing me at 36 weeks which is on March 21st. So I am here for a while. I am scared to death I know she will be in NICU for a while and they sent a neonatologist in to discuss that with me. I am trying to prepare for that emotionally. Dr. L said she shouldn't be in NICU for too long and will most likely be able to breath on her own and I will be able to breast feed her. They are just worried about her weight. I will try to keep everyone posted.

33 Week Pictures

*Edited-picture removed due to privacy issues*

Here is the cooked turkey! Pictures courtesy of frogbfound... I feel huge, I can no longer get off the couch without a little shove or legs flying in the air. I have gorgeous stretch marks or as I like to call them "badges of honor" tonight I was at frogbfound's and her cute little nine year old daughter saw them as say "WOW you are really stretched" gee thanks kid! Don't you love how blunt kids can be...

A Rambling of a Tired Woman

M isn't feeling well so of course you know the whole world must stop and he must be waited on hand and foot. Why is it that most men are such big babies when they are sick? I know its not all guys so don't go blasting my comments with those darn men comments haha. I remember growing up and my dad was the same way as M rarely got sick but when they did they seemed to think the whole world should notice. Even though I think my dad was worse then M (or so my mom has led me to believe)!

M has also become obsessed with hand sanitizer. Yes, I know he is weird but that's okay I guess he has clean hands with his new found obsession. Bottles of the stuff have been placed strategically throughout the house. I have to admit its kind of cute with his stuffy nose asking "wheres da saaaaaanitzer? Aha the things that amuse my little brain.

My belly button is starting to pop out. Does that mean I am about to be done cooking? I would love to go into labor at 37 weeks on the dot (considered full-term) but I know that probably won't happen. Anyways I am tempted to paint the inside of my belly button red like the turkey thermometers they have shoved in them so that I can "pop like a turkey" Yes people I am easily amused.

I am also extremely jealous. Everyone else gets tagged with meme's but not me. So really you faithful and loyal readers I want a meme or I will be forced to make my own meme. Yes desperate times call for desperate measures

Angry Patient

33 weeks 2 days

Well I went to the doctor today. I was accompanied by M and his mom. I love his mom she is fantastic. Anyways, they did my NST first MS's heart beat was in the 120's now with the appropriate amount of accelerations (rise of the heart beat more then 20 beats for 15 or more seconds). My blood pressure is now back to normal. Cranky Nurse said "wow that's the first time since Jan. that its been a normal number. (Maybe thats because I am not taken my medications mwhahaha I know I am such a rebel HAHA). They hooked me up to the lovely fetal monitors and I layed there for my great 20 minutes. Bad Midwife came in (yes her name has now changed). I am measuring 33 cm. so I am right on goal she commented I had a small belly. ARE YOU KIDDING ME HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MONSTROUS THING ARE YOU NOT PAYING ATTENTION??? She is due in August and I hope she gains 100 pounds now for saying that! She agrees with not taking the shot anymore but said I should keep taking the procardia. I as nicely as possible told her that I would prefer not to and look at my chart my blood pressure is finally normal since starting that crap. Her reply "well you should still take it" well she can kiss my lily white butt (yes its eye blinding white!). I told her I was really worried and upset that she didn't take my phone calls, she said she was busy. Yeah whatever lady its your job to take care of the patient and I AM THE PATIENT! I told her well she could have at least had the nurse call me, she took the point so maybe I won't have the problem again... She agrees that my "cold" is probably due to allergies and told me I could take over the counter Claritin for it, something I already knew but at least she is trying to be a care provider. I might feel differently if I need to call her and she doesn't return my calls again. Fool me once shame on you, Fool me twice shame on me. If there is a next time I will not be a very happy camper. Bad Midwife also said that after I hit 36 weeks that I will be able to go off all medications and come off bed rest, WOOHOO! I am still continuing the bed rest and I think that is probably a wise decision.

M thinks that I should still take the procardia even though he has seen the effects it has on me. He said he just wants MS to be okay which I understand but it also pissed me off because WHAT ABOUT ME? I know there are now two individuals to think about but it just rubbed me the wrong way. He also states that well those side effects are probably for "long term use" well in a pregnancy what is considered long term... 9 mo, 6 mo. or the 3 months that I should be taking them. Oh well its not like he checks my medication to make sure I took them so he will never know until I tell him after MS is born.

In response to Moi yes I have considered switching providers but in my clinic everyone shares patients, there is two doctors and three midwifes and it just depends on the day who I see. So I would have to totally change clinics and then wouldn't be able to deliver at the hospital that I would like to deliver. Also because of the complications I have had I don't just want to change and have a new doctor not really know my history or else I would have changed in a heart beat. I just keep telling myself 7 1/2 more weeks till my due date and I won't have to mess with them anymore, I suppose I can handle that.

Move Over The Rest of the Blog HAS ARRIVED!

I have now moved parts of my blog over here. If you want to see them they would be in any other label that isn't called Pregnancy with MS because chances are thats why you came here originally in the first place since this was started for that purpose only. I don't know what I was thinking trying to maintain two blogs, its not that easy trying to come up with things to post that are relevant to each blog! So if you want to take a look at all the pictures have fun!

Rant Alert

First I would like to thank my readers (I HAVE THREE! WOOHOO) for their input and encouraging words.

Regarding my post yesterday, M and I are at odds because of it. He doesn't seem to understand why I feel this way and I have tried my best to convey the message but now I am at my wits end and about to pull my hair out. He seems to think I have to take this shot everyday for it to do harm to me and I don't feel that way. I have already had that shot five times now and still take the pills (Procardia). So, now there is a war in the Mismatch Household over whether to take anymore of the stupid shots. I have drawn the line though I pretty much have my mind made up that no I am not going to take anymore of that shot but I will however continue to take the procardia. I am going to talk to my midwife's boss about it Dr. Iamsofreakingskinny about it since nobody over there can seem to listen to their voicemails. I know they probably think I am just some crazy lunatic that reads too much. They always tells me don't read, don't believe anything you read. Well where I get my sources I happen to believe, its all scientific evidence and not just something someone decided to write... Therefore I am going to ask questions because if someone won't make sure I am taken care of and question the doctors then I have to do it!

In one way I regret getting close to my Happy Midwife because now I am a little pissed off about the whole situation. Why didn't she tell me any of these things about the medicine? Did she feel it was safe? I don't know the answers to these questions because SHE WON'T CALL ME BACK. Its getting to the point where I am getting so mad if I wasn't already 33 weeks along I would switch clinics and go somewhere else.

In other news my tail bone really really really hurts! I swear MS has taken it in her hands and broken it to pieces haha. I know I shouldn't complain because it could be much much worse.

Also today I am going to be switching my HUGE blog over here so look for new posts for a while!

Selfish?

I am 33 weeks today, I am still kinda in shock that I have made it this far. Considering that I have been in pre-labor since 29 weeks. I am sitting here wondering if I should make the decision to stop going in when I have contractions to get the terbutaline shot. Here is a little information on this shot: it is not FDA approved for stopping contractions, it is used "off list" for this. The most common side effects are: jitteriness (they aren't kidding!), increased heart rate (when my normal HR is around 70-80 and it goes to 141 i think that would definitely be considered increased heart rate), tremors (when you can't even see the wall because you are shaking so hard, its time to do something) mild adverse effects are: (which they say are "less common"): headache (yup they aren't kidding), dizziness (haven't had this one), drowsiness (most definitely!), restlessness (nope), insomnia (nope, never ever had a problem with this), rapid, pounding heart rate (ha! if that's what you call a HR of 141), increased sweating (no), muscle cramps in legs or hands (legs and it feels like my bones are breaking), nausea, heartburn, vomiting (haven't had those three woohoo), increased blood sugar. severe adverse effects are: rapid or irregular heartbeat (yup yup and check yup), increased blood pressure (yup), lowered blood calcium (don't think so), liver toxicity (not to my knowledge), severe lowering of blood pressure, seizures (nope & nope)... okay so for side effects I have all the common ones, most of the "mildly adverse", and one of the serious ones, yet they keep giving me this crap! By the way Tachycardia of the heart is defined as more than 100 beats per minute, I think I qualify for this being my heart rate was ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY ONE!!! Again, why do they think it is safe for a pregnant woman to take this medication??? Had I known any of this before I might not have accepted this shot. Also I have had the betamethasone (steroids to mature babies lungs), which taken in conjunction with terbutaline can cause other serious complications and puts me at risk for more complications, YET THEY GIVE THIS CRAP TO ME! Here are the complications it can have to MS: Tachycardia, Hypocalcemia, Hypoglycemia, Myocardial Ischemia, Cardiac Arrythmias, Hypotension, and Intraventricular Hemorrhaging. So am I accepting these medications that are harming me and most likely my baby just to keep her in longer when right now the risks of her being born right now are: not being able to maintain blood pressure, not being able to maintain body temperature, not being able to maintain blood sugar, (all of these are fairly minor things that she would have to stay in the NICU for a couple weeks to correct). According to March of Dimes she already has the ability to suck/swallow which is a major problem with most premature infants, she can breath and chances of her being on oxygen are fairly slim and if she is it would be a CPAP most likely, nothing too bad... Something I think I could handle if I had to. Okay so here is more medications that they are having me take while I am at home: Procardia (a heart medicine) but is also used for stopping contractions. Side Effects to this: dizziness, lightheadedness, giddiness, flushing heat sensation, headache, weakness, nausea, heartburn, muscle cramps, tremors, peripheal edema, nervousness, mood change, palpatations, dyspnea, coughing, wheezing, nasal congestion, sore throat. I have 15 out of 19 of those side effects and they want me to TAKE THIS CRAP? I am scared that by trying to keep her in longer I am hurting her even more. I am scared that these medications will have long term effects on me as well. When I am not taking the medication I am still occasionally getting a very fast heart rate, sweating, hot flashes... I didn't start getting these symptoms until I had gotten my first two shots of terbutaline. I am scared and slowly starting to lose faith in my OB, why wasn't I informed of these side effects? We are supposed to get an informed decision but I don't think I was accurately informed and now I am starting to maybe regret my decisions. I know at 29 weeks she would have been very small and had a hard time, but now its 4 weeks later. The risk of having her now isn't horrible and I think its something emotionally I could handle. I am 7 weeks away from being 40 weeks and 4 weeks away from being 37 weeks which is considered full term. Is having her 4 weeks before full term going to effect her horribly? I think I am going to call my OB today and have a discussion with her. Right now I am just scared and pissed off that I have had to find this out all on my own, isn't a doctor supposed to be your advocate? To do no harm? Maybe I am being selfish but I am not sure if I really want to have any more of these shots or take any more of the medication that was sent home with me... What if I have a heart attack when M is at work? I know he worries about me all day and makes me call once an hour so the chances of me dying aren't too great, but hey things happen. I know I am just being paranoid but can you blame me?

Hospital Visit #4?

Started having contractions again late last night, nothing really to be concerned about because my Happy Midwife (the one I like) told me not to be concerned unless I had more then six in hour. So long about 1pm today they started being more then six and becoming really painful. Another thing I was worried about was MS hadn't moved for 5 1/2 hours (your supposed to be concerned after 6 hours) so I called the OB and she said to come in immediately. They hooked me up to NST machine and her heart rate just stayed between 128-132 and I was having a lot of contractions. They were worried about MS because her heart rate should fluctuate. They sent me to the hospital to get a terbutaline shot and for additional monitoring of her heart rate. I got there and they checked me in, they didn't have any beds available in the antepartum unit so I was in the labor room, which I might add is a lot different then the antepartum unit, there are so many lights in there you feel like you are on display for the whole world to see anyway. Long story short they gave me two shots (were supposed to give three) they didn't give me the third one because my heart rate was too high it was 141 (higher then the babys!) but it did what it needed to do and stopped my contractions. I have now been sent home after they made sure my heart rate went down and my blood pressure was okay. I am on strict bed rest which I was on before yippee skippy! So now my goal is to keep her in till Friday at my next OB appt. with Happy Midwife.

*Post deleted due to privacy concerns*

32 Weeks/Dr. Appointments

Well I was complaining that they should reverse things in the doctor office so I would be less bored. Is someone in cyberland from the office reading this haha? Because they did just that today! I was hooked up to the NST machine for the 30 minutes then the nurse came in and said we are going to keep it on longer and we are going to get you to turn on your left side to try to get some activity out of her... Which scared me a little, I thought eveything was okay since her heart rate was in the 130's (supposed to be in between 110-160 range). So when they said this I was flipping, I was getting asked if she was moving okay, which yeah she has been a little less active but in my mind nothing to worry about. Finally her heart-rate accelerated (i think thats the term they used) to 158-159 and stayed there for about 2 minutes and they were very happy with this. Now my mind is some what eased but I am going to do some research to see if it hadn't what that would mean. Lets see what else, oh yeah I have another bladder infection yippee skippe (thanks third kidney!) so I am now on antibiotics for that... I always have bladder infections so nothing new with that but they said it can cause me to have more contractions and they want to prevent that. I got some stuff to try for my heartburn (this isn't just any heartburn people, this feels like your insides are crashing in on you, can't breath, start sweating etc. and i am fairly good at tolerating pain and this just sucks!) So, hopefully this stuff will work! I have hit a "milestone" in my midwife's opinion. If the baby came out today she would most likely be perfectly fine (which is somewhat a relief, but I would like her to stay in full term). Yesterday I went out and bought her, her coming home outfit... Its adorable in my opinion :) Its a very very frilly lacy pink & white dress and I got her lacy socks & shoes with a little headband that has a bow. I used to always say if I had a girl I would never dress her up... Well this is a start of that going out the window haha!

32 Weeks

It has hit me that I don't have much more time with this little monster in my belly... I think I will miss being pregnant to some extent. People are always smiling at you, opening doors, offering their seats, commenting how pretty I look, and overall just being nicer. Things I won't miss about being pregnant, people TOTAL strangers thinking they can touch your belly. Just because my stomach sticks out does not give people the right to touch my stomach! I think the next person who does that I will say why are you touching my fat? Hmm... that might make them feel bad mwhahah! I had a guy at the gas station come running (yes literally running) over and touch my stomach before I could turn away and he said "love for the baby" OH MY GOD PEOPLE! In his defense he looked like a total druggie, so maybe he was hopped up on drugs and has no idea how to behave in a social setting... People are just weird. I feel awkward when people I don't know ask me when I am due. I know this is weird but there is a lot of news stories where women will ask others when they are due and stalk them and cut their baby out. Yes I know the likelihood of this happening is slim but I still scares the crap out of me. So when people ask when I am due I tell them May and leave it at that even though we all know I am not due in May but thats besides the point, gives me a month to fend of my stalker! Lets see what else, I am already tired of going to the doctor twice a week, but I know its so little miss in there can stay healthy but its down right boring, maybe they should mix up the routine... Instead of weighing, peeing in a cup, seeing the midwife or doctor, getting an internal exam, and hooking up to the NST machine they should do it in reverse occasionally? Yes, I know I am a weirdo!

Rant

I just looked at my picture... Not just a glance that I did earlier... I have realized my butt is almost as big as my stomach! How could I have let this happen? I know it was inevitable but I don't care! I felt that was one thing that I could control, the weight gain and stretch marks, but I guess thats all going down the drain because my butt is HUGE, my stomach is HUGE, and I have a good ten stretch marks. Ahhhh to be nieve again about being able to control something! Oh well that just means I will have to exercise more and get those endorphins flowing after Miss Uterine Hitchhiker is born. I have also been reading a lot of parenting blogs lately, having come from a rather HUGE family I thought I knew everything there was to know. Boy was I wrong, now I sit here and think will I be able to handle all this? Its going to be crazy, I think I will hide in my little hole and pretend to not have read any of those blogs and pretend I know everything again, haha I wish!

*Post deleted due to privacy issues & not figuring out how to just delete a post*

Dr. Appt/31 weeks

Doctor appointment went good. I had the midwife I like :) YAY! Sorry that makes me happy. I have been asked about twenty times now if I do drugs! It finally got me and I said well do a drug test then, she stated they already had and it came back negative, well then why the hell do you keep asking me? Her response: because most pre-term labor in women your age are caused my drugs, oh gee thanks now just because miss. uterine hitchhiker doesn't want to stay in I get accused of doing drugs, thanks women for giving people that don't do drugs a bad name! (sorry having a bitch fit over hit about people thinking I am a druggy!) Anyways, babies heart rate is great staying 130-150 woohoo, no decelereation in the 10 minutes I was on the NST (YAY). Its really weird seeing my chart though, I know have a bright orange sticker stating High-Risk and a bright yellow sticker stating I am in pre-term labor... Woohoo I get pretty stickers now! My next appointment is on Tuesday, so we gotta keep little miss hitchhiker in there atleast another 4 days, woo I hope I make this goal!

31 Weeks

I know I know today is Thursday and my appointment was on Tuesday but hey, I have been lazy! Everything is going okay, I am still only dilated to a 1 WOOHOO! (sorry thats a good thing that I am not dilating farther). I am still having occasional contractions. The midwife that I saw (not my favorite, but due to someone having a baby i had to take her) told me that most likely i have a "sensitive cervix" still need to research that. But I think it means once so much weight is on it, it begins to open? Correct me if I am wrong. But she is doing good, kicking all the time so I am taking that as a sign all is well with the uterus hitchhiker.

I am now also 31 weeks, nine more weeks till I am due. I know that I probably won't be able to make it that long but with each doctor appointment I make it my goal to make it to that appointment. So my goal is keep her in till Friday (tomorrow) that is when my next appointment is. Hopefully my doctor or my mid-wife is there because I really don't like this other one. Don't get me wrong she is really nice but I guess I am stereotyping, I know thats horrible. Lets call her MidWife California Blonde, she has a perfect tan, bleach blonde hair, blue eyes and way to freaking bubbly. So I just don't feel like she knows anything when she is taking care of me and my precious baby. I know I know I shouldn't stereotype, but are you really going to stop me? NOPE (thats what i though :P)