Elective C-Section-I'm Doomed

The c-section date is only ten days away. I am scared out of my mind that I am going to be sliced open, my guts ripped out and put on display for everyone and a baby popping out! I had a emergency c-section with MS which I understand due to decels in the 10's (which I think is due to the cervadil but that is another story). I really wanted to attempt a VBAC with this one but my doctor has convinced me otherwise. So now I am scheduled for what is called an elective c-section, I wouldn't go that far into saying I really had a choice the way it was presented to me. She presented the statistics about placental abruption and told me my baby could die if I did a VBAC. Now, doing research I find that claim true but extremely rare. I am hoping to avoid a c-section and just go into labor a day before my c-section and tell the nurse/doctors that I am going to try to go as far as I can on my own. I have prepared myself for labor and I am hoping I will since it is far too late to change doctors as I only have 10 more days to go. So girls pray for the rapid onset of labor before 5:30am on January 2nd!

Also, another reason I would rather go into labor is the fact that I am selfish. Really, I am. I do not want the 6-8 weeks of healing time that goes into having a c-section, its not fun I have been there done that and I still am occasionally in pain at the site they cut open. I want the satisfaction of knowing I am strong and pushed out my 7lb (doctors estimate) baby! I want to be able to cuddle with my 1 1/2 year old when she wants to and not have to worry about her feisty feet getting me and busting my site open and I want the instant bonding that I never got with MS even though I understand she needed to go to NICU right away due to not being able to keep her body temperature up. I feel like I was robbed of my birth experience with MS even though I know it was for the best because I have a living, happy child as a result. I recovered rather quickly from my first c-section but that was also before I had another child that won't just "stop" crawling over me, wanting held, and needing comfort from mommy. I can't just stay in bed and take it easy-its not going to happen and I know it.

I am so scared to become a mother of two. I am not sure what to expect, everyone is telling me it will be okay but I am not so sure about that. I will have two that want my constant attention, two who will need to be fed and one of those will be breastfeeding and that takes some time unless he becomes a booby champion real quick. I am nervous and excited, more nervous then anything. So much can happen and I don't want MS to feel like she has been replaced. I am working hard in coordination with family to keep her schedule the same so nothing will change there, I feel that is important. My grandparents are coming down to help with MS while we transition new baby into the house (I don't have the nerve to tell them no, but that is a whole different post). I am scared that MS will start behaving badly looking for attention and I will like a horrible mother-I already do since we started making her sleep in her own bed. MS has started calling me "meanie mommy" that stings a little and makes me want to cry, especially when it is time for bed. I can only imagine how bad it is going to get once there is another baby needing my attention as well.

I have a lot to do today-maybe its nesting and labor is imminent? (yeah didn't think so, I can hope right)...

So, in case anyone cares this is what I did yesterday & have plans to do today:
MS Room
-Hung all her decorations (after 2 mo. of living here)
-Went through all of her toys and took out all the things that are too young for her
-Went through her clothes & packed up everything too small

SM Room
-Clothes are folded & hung/necessities placed
-Put up crib (M's job-don't plan on using it right away but I want it done NOW)

*Need to have M put together MS's jumping horse things before Christmas* Wrap Presents*

Living Room
-Cleaned out/under couches (quite a feat-lots of lost items found in there too!)
-Rearranged furniture (M's idea, not mine-I liked it the way it was!)
-Put rocker in living room (Still need to get it from parents house and place it in ours)
-Really need to hang my curtains (more like a M job & his drill)

Kitchen
-Install dishwasher (yup, another M)
-Go through all my plastic tupperware & toss mismatch things

My Bedroom
-Organize closet (it is now color coded & I know it won't stay that way for long)

Master Bath-It really needs help!
-Organize all medicine AGAIN-Dear hubby doesn't know how to put things back after searching for band-aids GRR!
-Need to scrub down the shower-its looking a little grungy too

So there are my plans for the rest of the day, add in eating/sleeping and well I have a full day ahead of me!

Out Of A Name

So, today I have successfully accomplished nothing... That is right nothing. I guess that is one thing that I am good at as planning what I am going to do, even writing a "to do" list and then it never gets done when I want it to. Today, I would really like to change that but M is snoozing like a bum and I am attempting to get MS down for a nap in her OWN bed which is quite the challenge. So, we will see how far I actually get today-hopefully farther than what I am thinking I will get done.

MS went to bed by herself last night without too much fighting and comforting. That was a relief because I wasn't sure I could emotionally handle another night without breaking down and committing myself for feeling like a horrible mom. Realistically I know I am not horrible but I feel like it when your precious little baby is screaming out for you because she doesn't want to sleep in her own bed. Yesterday's nap was a met with a little more resistance than bedtime, I think its starting to sink in that we are not going to give in as much as I would like to! She ended up only sleeping for about thirty minutes and was then a very hyper little girl due to lack of sleep afterwards. Normally she takes about a 1 1/2 hour nap but that was not the case yesterday. Right now she is laying down in her own bed, with the door cracked open. As of right now she has been in there ten minutes with no crying/fussing and I am hoping that she will drift off into sleepy land and be there for a little while. I am hoping everything doesn't get unraveled tonight as she will be at my parents house and she always sleeps in the guest room with my mom even though I have asked her many times not to because I don't want her thinking she needs someone there to go to sleep especially with a new baby arriving, it is so frustrating. Any suggestions on how to approach this subject? I have already tried the blunt-she may scream but for the sanity of everyone in the long run you need to let her sleep by herself, but she will go in there and sleep with her ARGH!

Our car is doomed, it hung out with one too many sick cars. It all started last Friday night when M was taking MS to my parents so that they could watch her for a while. It was had snowed and it was pretty icy outside. On the way back home M went to stop at a stop sign and the ABS (Anti-lock Brake System) kicked in and sent him into a curb, hitting fairly hard. We took it to the mechanic yesterday because the steering wheel was not straight, the tires were not straight and you could not go over 45mph in the vehicle. So mechanic says its the struts, both bent which he says he has never seen both of them bent. It will cost 140.00 in labor and 75.00 for the parts because they could get used struts. Okay, thats fine lets do it! They call later after they have ripped the car apart and said it also needs a steering knuckle which they can also get used for 40.00. No problem if that is what fixes everything. Well, we went to go get the car and the mechanic says that the ABS light was on and he fixed it... I said the ABS light was not on when we brought it in but he said he "fixed" it so I was not too worried. Well as we pull out of the parking lot they shut their lights off and out the door they went as well. We have now found out that the ABS light that was not on when we brought it is now turning on if you go over 12mph also when you turn now it sounds like there is cats up in the engine and they are screeching. The car never made those sounds until he messed with it. There is no way to get a hold of them as they are convientently not open during the weekend... Monday they will hear from a very grumpy hormonal female that will expect them to fix what they messed up for free because it was not like that beforehand.

Also, last night I was attempting-keyword attempting to get dressed in normal clothes so that I could take M to work. So far I have gained 15 lbs but my stomach is a lot bigger than it was with MS even though I gained 23 lbs with her. First go on jeans-that isn't going to work as they will no longer fit around my protruding belly. Maternity jeans well that was a nice idea to but I was small with MS and have "small" maternity clothes. So I find some black comfy pants with a tie waist and throw those one. Next comes a shirt... well anything cute that would go with said black pants is refusing to cover my belly-yes even my maternity shirts. So, at this point I was ready to cry feeling like a whale. I sit on the toilet with a bra on and my black pants. I am holding my head in my hands and M walks in. Asks what I was doing and I said in my lovely whining voice "I don't have any clothes that fit!" "My stomach is HUGE!" He then says well that is what happens when you get pregnant and starts laughing. Gee, thanks dear I appreciate your support of not telling me how big I am and that I look gorgeous... I was ready to deck him but didn't. I could just buy new clothes but in three weeks I will be having SM and there is really no point in my opinion so until then I guess I will just be wearing slob clothes-I don't care, its not like I have to be anywhere special.

Jingle Bells

So today I attempted to sing Jingle Bells to MS... That didn't turn out the way I thought it would. I started singing and couldn't remember anything but Jingle Bells, yes I am serious. So, I had to go look up the lyrics and felt like a retard as I really should know them. In case you are all wondering here are the lyrics to Jingle Bells...

****
Dashing through the snow
In a one horse open sleigh
O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way
Bells on bob tails ring
Making spirits bright
What fun it is to laugh and sing
A sleighing song tonight

Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one horse open sleigh
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one horse open sleigh

A day or two ago
I thought I'd take a ride
And soon Miss Fanny Bright
Was seated by my side
The horse was lean and lank
Misfortune seemed his lot
We got into a drifted bank
And then we got upsot

Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one horse open sleigh
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one horse open sleigh yeah

Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one horse open sleigh
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one horse open sleigh
****

34W6D and Dilated--WARNING this is a complaint post

If you have read any of my blog archives you will know my pregnancy with MS was not the best yet totally worth it. Now this pregnancy is beginning to resemble MS's and its been a struggle the past week or so because it is hard being on bed rest with a twenty month old who let me add is a bundle of energy. M is driving me nuts as its like pulling teeth to get him to pick up the house even though he is taking great care of MS. I never realized how much I actually did around the house everyday until I have gotten the privilege of cleaning everyday taken away. Yes I am complaining because I have to look at my house in total chaos. At least the house got vacuumed and the laundry is done but as for the dishes and the scrubbing of bathrooms well lets just say its not getting done! I saw the doctor on Monday and she checked me. I am effaced and two centimeters dilated at 34 weeks. This truly scares the crap out of me as 34 weeks is still pretty early and he needs time for his precious lungs to get stronger. I know survival rate is decent but I don't want decent I want excellent. I also remember when MS was in the NICU and the nurses would refer to the little boys that were Caucasian as puny little white boys because they always seems to do this worst. So having my sweet precious little boy in the catergory scarys the living daylights out of me. I am taking it day by day but the contractions and not being able to do anything is driving me mad but it will be worth it when he comes, hopefully later than sooner. They went ahead and scheduled the c-section for January 2nd, just in case he decides to stick around in the ol' uterus instead of being so impatient to get out. I hate to tell him its cold out here, not a tropical 98.6 degrees. Oh well, you can't tell kids nothing-they never listen as I am learning with my daughter!

Reasons to not teach body parts

I have a pretty observant child I really do. Most moms can relate that you are never able to get a moment alone especially if you would like to shit, shower, or shave... Its inevitable they want in and to no avail when you have a husband that doesn't want to hear her screaming at the door he will let her in to satisfy her needs. So there I am stark naked waiting for the bathtub to fill up with water. She notices my breasts and tries to touch them, I tell her no those are mommies boobies... Boy was that a mistake, two days later she is still trying to lift my shirt saying boobies boobies. I am really hoping that this will never get out into the public where people know me. Ahhh gotta love children!

Home Owner

We bought a new house woo! Its a 3 bedroom, 2 bath and I absolutely love having a garden bathtub. Its great, I love the room and MS is having a blast running throughout the house. Now if I could only get this house unpacked everything would be great!

****

Halloween was rather uneventful. M had to work so I took MS out by myself. She was dressed as a ladybug and we only went down one street as she was scared to death of all the kids that had masks on. Oh well she still scored some candy, more than I am going to let her eat so Halloween went well. Hope everyone has a safe Halloween!

24 Weeks Down-16 to go

Had a sonogram on Thursday. Baby boy is doing just fine and weighing in at 1lb 4 oz. which is good for his gestational age. That puts my due date at January 9th. MS is doing really good except the throwing of food and occasional temper tantrum. We are looking at some homes to move into and its quite frustrating finding the right fit for our lifestyle. Is it wrong to have a baby shower with your second child? Just wondering since now I am expecting a boy and will have to buy massive amounts of boy clothes as MS's clothes are clearly girly! School is going good for me and M. I love my classes except my math class and its the teacher I don't care for not the math itself, picture monotone and doesn't describe anything well. Thus is life.

Too Many Decisions in Life!

I think my brain is on total overload after all of the decisions that need to be made rather quickly. First on my agenda-school. I actually enrolled in Vatterott College today, I am not actually sure that I made the right decision and I probably should have done some research on it. Its to be a medical assistant and it will take 60 weeks and a whopping 23,000.00 I know YIKES! Later when I got home I was talking with a friend and she said she has a medical assistant certification as well and the career college she went through is not seen to highly upon by employers, which then got me thinking... I did some research and I realize some people are just grumpy and complain but the number of complaints about this school is crazy! I went to the BBB and the school has numerous complaints along with a class action lawsuit because their instructors teaching weren't even certified. I have 36 hours to decide I don't want to do it so I have to figure out my options. Go to a community college and get my LPN (2 years, $12,000.00 later) or go to the university for my full RN for 18,000.00. I also have to keep in mind baby #2 will be arriving in Dec. (gender still unknown). So do I go full force ahead and do 4 years in an university or 2 years and make about 20k less a year and be happy with that after all I will have two kids at that point who will need to be supported as well.

Secondly: State insurance is horrible and so is my caseworker. I have been trying to get on state insurance since JUNE it is now the middle of AUGUST. My worker kept telling me she didn't know what the hold up was so I took matters into my own hands and called up state insurance and they said "we haven't recieved your application" ARE YOU SERIOUS! This just tells me that my caseworker does nothing and state insurance is now expediting my case and sending out cards immediatly. Thank you state for giving me a crappy case worker who I promply called her supervisor to complain and have not gotten a call back, could this be a case of crappy state supervisor as well or there is just too many complaints about the workers she is employed to supervise??

Thirdly: M and I still can't decide on a name if it is a girl. I reallllllly want a name that he doesn't care for so he goes the battle. Maybe it will be a boy and we won't go through the battle as we have had a boy name picked up since MS was on the way.

Fourthly: Right now we are staying with my parents until we can get into something better. Its cramped but we are doing well considering. BUT any of the nice places we have found do not accept any pets. Our cats are 9 & 7 years old, spayed & declawed and they are our babies and I don't want to toss them to my parents for a place. I know some people may not be able to understand that but they were our kids before we even started having kids. Our cats are not pets-they are family and it is aggrevating being declined due to pets. Isn't there a pet friendly place for rent that is a 3 bdrm somewhere in this small town? grrr hiss, I guess those houses just weren't meant to be then.

Lastly: Everything is doing well with the pregnancy, nothing major to report. I lost 20 lbs in the beginning and I am slowly gaining that back which I am happy about-gaining weight is healthy and I will definitely accept that! Now, if only I could get my insurance cards so I can get a sonogram and find out the gender of this VERY ACTIVE little baby inside me. I swear MS left etchings in my uterus of what to do while bored, tired, and just plain wanting to annoy mommy. On the MS front she is a talking RUNNING handful. We are working on potty-training, she loves her pink potty chair and she goes "peepee" in it according to her. The funny thing is, she demands toilet paper after use and insists on flushing that in the big potty and waving bye bye to it... Very cute but that is to be expected she is a P/B child and we are very proud of her accomplishments as any parent would be. She also plays "sock monster" this happens by putting a sock on her hand and she will run after everyone in sight going ARGGGGH, very cute and I am sure she will do it in public someday and make me apologize to some poor stranger. M has also taught her to blow boogers, keep in mind his blowing snot and mine are two different things. He has taught her to hold the side of a nostrel and blow-hard... Thanks M I really appreciate it when she blows snot... all over me. She has figured out that the highchair is climable and when she is hungry tries to climb it, this is NOT okay with me and she gets in trouble everytime but she is stubborn like me and we go back and forth about 20 times before the food is actually ready for her consumption. She is doing way too many cute things now and definitely knows how to throw on the charm when she is in trouble. There are days when I have to cover my face to tell her no and divert her attention somewhere else because I am laughing to hard to really tell her no. The lovely joys of parenthood!

8 weeks today

Now I am eight weeks pregnant, so far nothing horrible has happened but I don't want to get my hopes up and have another ectopic pregnancy. So far its pretty normal stuff though. Morning sickness which should really be called all-day sickness! MS has been a butt the past couple days. I don't know what has gotten into her! One minute she is the nicest baby in the world, giving you kisses and hugs and the next minute she is biting or head butting you and screaming at you. She has now learned if she don't get her way she will scream at the top of her lungs which my ears really don't appreciate. I don't know what to do, she is becoming a mean baby and I mean it! M has been doing pretty good, last night he got into a singing mood, it was pretty cute and he even sang to me. BTW I am not just saying this because I am his wife but he can really sing. So far everything is okay on this front, just looking for places and jobs in the big city before we move.

Weeee

MS had a blast at the park today. She got to play in the swings which she wasn't so sure of to begin with. She didn't like being "pushed" away from mommy. Eventually she relaxed realizing she wasn't going anywhere. She soon saw the geese and the started honking and coming up to her, she again wasn't too sure about that and this is where she has developed her famous "screech" that want to pierce the eardrums. She has gotten quite well at using this anytime she wants her way!

Bubbles Bubbles Everywhere

Our dear baby MS has discovered the wonderful world of bubbles and really loves them! Anytime she is in the bathroom even if its not bathtime she tries crawling in the bathtub with the bottle of bubbles. She is definately getting funnier everyday! She is beginning to walk really well, I can't believe how well she is walking. She is pretty lazy though and only walks for food at the moment. Speaking of she is now 19 lbs. 10 oz.

MS is dedicated

MS got dedicated tonight, I cried of course. I seriously delayed on that one, I know at times I am a bad mommy. I need to get my butt in gear!

Did I Mention My Child Loves Church?

MS loves going to church, she loves when we all sing! She claps her hands and hums its adorable and everyone gets a kick out of her thats for sure. I love taking her to church so that I can dress her up all frilly!

Gone Swimming or Atleast Tried

it turned out that the hotel pool was freezing and there was no way we were going to put her in it, but hey it was a good attempt to go swimming.

Eating Carrots

Yeah, feeding her carrots was a bad idea. I think her body got more of it then she did, but she liked what she did end up getting in her mouth! She is becoming a little piggy, she is gaining weight left and right! She is now up to 10 lbs. 7 oz, that is pretty good for my little turtle.

Firsts

MS is now beginning to drink out of a sippy-cup, I feel like she is growing up way to fast. I just blinked and she is growing up, I want her to stay little forever even though I know that is impossible. If anyone comes up with a "stay little forever cure" please let me know.

Please Find Your Owner

Everyone knows I am a "animal" person, I genuinely love animals... I really do. M found this dog hanging around our apartment building and nice ol me said ohh lets keep it and try to find her owner-well owner is still missing in action and it looks like we just inhereted a dog, I guess thats what I get for being nice! Please welcome Fiona to the family.

Baseball Time Again

We took MS to her first baseball game, I think she had fun watching these crazy people yelling and running all over the place. That lasted about two innings and then she was out like a light bulb. Overall the two weeks of NBC were fun and they are now over, we will be joining the NBC again in another year, just something to look forward to YAY!

Closet Sale!

I have been pretty busy the past couple days cleaning. I guess I decided it was time to clean out closets. We have only been here 3 months but we have already accumlated JUNK. So I had a mini closet sale, posting things on the net, people picked them up that day and gave me money woohoo! MS is getting huge-I can't believe she is already 4 months old. Time flies by so quick.

Blah

We went up to Kansas City this past weekend, met M's friends from high school, I am still teasing him about getting old even though he really isn't that old, but thats okay! Got to see my froggy-friend but it wasn't long enough and that really sucked. Found a dog last night so I am busy located its owner-real sweet puppy :)