The Adventures of Mrs. Moo's and the Mismatch Family

F U

2011-11-15T23:27:00.001-06:00

"You have changed, your used to be hot"

Umm gee thanks... prick

I Won't Be Surprised To Have The Police Show Up

2011-11-10T14:50:00.000-06:00

Wednesday my son Shaun (who is 2 now) had to have surgery. He had his tonsils removed, adenoids yanked out, and temporary ear tubes put in. Now, let me just say this blog post may be offensive to some. If it is well too damn bad (not that I have readers anyway ha).

We get there at 6am, get him checked in and led off to the back to get prepared for surgery. He was the perfect little boy and I felt horrible for praising him for being so good when he had no idea what he was in for (yes, I cried). He even let the nurse carry him off to surgery. So, now we are in the waiting room with other people that are coming in to check in or waiting for someone to get out of surgery and in walks this family... Let me just say as I looked around EVERYONE'S jaws were dropped, not just mine. There was the mom (who was very skinny) carrying an infant. A rotund man holding the hand of a VERY VERY large little girl. I would estimate her to be between the ages of 4-5. She was seriously just as round as she was tall. I felt sorry for the girl at that age she doesn't choose what to eat and everyone was clearly shocked. Oh but do you think the story ends there? Oh no... Ten minutes later another man walks in who is the infants father then the mom runs out the front door, keeps it wide open and screams "Oh my God that is a badass do, that thing is looking so fresh" umm huh? I am pretty sure this was the aunt of the little girl and she proceeds to walk in with her two small children in tow, her partner, and two people that I am guessing are grandparents... While I realize surgery is serious do you really need your whole damn family there? Then proceeds the little family reunion of some language that is supposed to be English but clearly is being botched at every turn. The obese girl is sitting there screaming at the top of her lungs for her mom to connect her to the "tube" so she can watch spongebob and you can't even hear yourself think anymore. Thankfully, Shaun's surgery only took 30 minutes and we were back in recovery with him before my head exploded and I said something to piss them off and get my "do" yanked out.

Shaun did good in recovery and we were home by 10:00am. Now... pharmaceutical companies should really improve the taste of their liquid loratab. The motrin he will take with no problem at all. The loratab on the other hand turns him into the damn hulk and gets stronger each time I have to give it to him. Oh and the screams? Yeah, it sounds like I am killing him. He literally kicked me off the couch earlier and I have to give him this every four hours otherwise he turns into a crying, hurting little boy. So, I have decided the neighbors probably think I am killing him as there is no way in hell you couldn't hear him outside and when they do finally call the police I will make damn sure the police help me give him his medicine :) Only because I need a laugh as I have had no sleep for almost two days and I am pretty sure this cute little two year old that turns into a raging maniac with super strength would even be too much for two police officers and well that my friends would be hilarious; getting defeated by a two year old :)

Court Update

2011-10-28T18:33:00.000-05:00

I first wake up to my partner messing with my foot asking me what time I am supposed to get up. I was a little frustrated as the alarm clock was set so WHY would he wake me up and ask me? Apparently, the alarm clock never went off (on further inspection I had set it to the radio alarm, not the beep beep alarm and if it gets set to radio it doesn't go off for some reason). So, I was already behind in getting ready and only had ten minutes to get ready. Good thing I laid out my clothes the night before, so I went sans makeup and hair cute.

I get there right at 8:30 and check in through the DA's office. Then wait and wait and wait. A hour later in a hard chair my ass is numb and my back killing me with a kid in my ribs in walks the prosecutor. She looks at me and says "ahhh you must be S the woman of the hour" I couldn't help it but I looked at her and said if I am the woman of the hour you must have a really shitty case because I never actually witnessed anything and probably couldn't even identify him in a lineup... Worry set on her face (This made my day for the simple fact I was already pissed to be there since technically I didn't know anything except that he drove my car).

She goes over the questions and asks what happens and realizes out of all four of us, we truly don't know anything. Two witnesses were the owners of the house then me who can only say he had my car for a couple hours with my brother and the other one who say three boys in a car that resembled mine - that's it. Not much to go off on a case really. Had the police done their job right the first time this wouldn't be an issue as the boys never would have even gotten the stuff from the driveway of the owners because the witness called the police on this suspicious vehicle stating that there was three boys putting items into a car from a house that the people were on vacation, who he could not identify.

Anyways, she says she is going to get a judge assigned and we just have to wait in the DA's office until we are called. At 11am some lady comes in and says that the boy is taking a plea bargin of aiding in a felony; meaning he helped take the items from the house knowing that it was not the boys property. Probation for a year for him.

Three hours of my time wasted oh and if anyone is curious I didn't recognize him sitting in the court room because it has been TWO years.

New OB

2011-10-27T10:56:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I had the pleasure of switching OB's. The experience so far has been good with Dr. K. Now too bad my old OB hasn't sent over my records yet even though I signed the paperwork to have them released six days ago (four business days), which is frustrating.

Dr. K answered all my questions and baby is looking good with a healthy heartbeat and my uterus is the size it is supposed to be. VBAC is a no go since I have had two c-sections. I am getting my tubes tied after discussing options with her. I feel confident that this doctor and this clinic are a good fit for this pregnancy.

Also, what I thought was kind of cool they have sewn tube tops that go down to your butt to slip on instead of gowns and real cloth drapes for your legs - never seen anything like that before - paper gowns & drapes be gone.

10 more weeks and baby will be here :)

Crying in the Corner

2011-10-26T18:39:00.000-05:00

If you see a pregnant blonde crying in a corner, it's probably me. This week has been so rough with the kids I literally sat down and cried tonight only to have a smile brought to my face by my two year old tiptoeing out of his room with sunglasses on and a goofy smile.

This week they have effectively pushed every button that exists in me. I just want to scream, cry, kick, and hide in bed. I literally thought about leaving my kids with someone for a couple hours and just escaping to my moms for a while because mommy needs a timeout. It sucks that I don't have much help...

The events that transpired causing me to have a breakdown today: MS went to school so that is usually nap time around here. Read SM a story eyes closing, cup in hand I walk away and go lay down. I wake up a hour later to find SM with a tub of butter and aloe vera gel mixed together all over the couch. Then MS gets home and the fighting ensues immediately: the full monty of kicking, hitting, biting, and fighting over anything that could possibly be fought over. While cleaning the bathroom MS snuck off with the comet - do you know what a child can do with comet and approximately two minutes? LOTS. SM's carpet is covered in it, the living room floor, and couch again with the damn couch. At this point they are in big trouble for playing with cleaner and THEY KNOW BETTER! It is like I can't turn my back for more than a second or all hell breaks loose on the house. Again, I wish I had more help. The inner voice in me is just screaming I can't take this anymore so all I could do is huddle beside the couch and cry and cry I did. This whole week has been incidents like this (while brushing her teeth last night she turns on the sink and puts a whole roll of toilet paper in the sink flooding the bathroom) and CONSTANT fighting I am at my wits in and just need a break even if it is just 15 minutes where the kids aren't getting into something that makes a mess or could potentially kill them.

Shut Up While You Are Ahead!

2011-10-26T17:00:00.000-05:00

So, I am 29 weeks with my third child and this is the commentary that happened the other night between my partner and I.

*Scene: I am leaning against the counter waiting for my hot milk to be done in the microwave*
DumbMan: I understand now what it feels like to have a big stomach (btw he is a size 30)
Me: and how do you know this?
DumbMan: because I have gained 5 lbs. and now it is harder to breathe and walk
Me: *snorts* you will never get it but thanks for trying to understand, it must be SO hard to gain 5 lbs, poor man
DumbMan: yeah it is hard, I now understand pregnancy
Me: (Getting frustrated now) No, you won't get it. Try gaining weight ONLY in your stomach, have a baby kicking you as you try to sleep, or punching your bladder and seeing how close we can get mommy to peeing herself, constant back pain, swollen feet and I am not even done growing this baby. You should quit while you are ahead buddy.
DumbMan: yeah... maybe I should

**2nd Scene: he had brought home a bag of tootsie rolls (my newest craving)**
Me: *reaching into candy bag* thanks for the tootsie rolls, I have been trying to avoid them
Idiot: Just be careful I saw how many you took I don't want him coming out diabetic
Me: ummm I took 5 SMALL tootsie rolls AND I have only gained 5 lbs. and passed my glucose test, so you can kiss my butt - I deserve these tootsie rolls
Idiot: Well, I won't say I told you so when you are complaining after the baby is born that he is huge from diabetes and you can't lose all the baby weight...
Me: yeah go f*** yourself

(I think somebody has been reading too much google stuff, he must forget I have been pregnant twice before)

2011-10-25T17:00:00.019-05:00

SM (who is almost three now, which I can't believe) has to get his tonsils and adenoids removed and tubes put in. Every time I think about it I shudder, knowing what could possibly go wrong makes me go still with fear. I know what he will feel like as I had the same thing when I was three and if I could take all his pain away when it is done I would in a heartbeat.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't one of those people that needs to know everything about something and be happily obliviously to certain facts and be okay with him get surgery. Even though it is a surgery that lasts less than and hour and he will be home the same day (within hours) it is STILL surgery and has the same risks associated with it as inpatient surgery. There are so many what-ifs that I can't even begin letting myself imagine because they are all horrible, life shattering circumstances. I am not naive I know what can happen but I am trying to stay calm about it but I can't help thinking about it every time I see my little boy bopping his head as he walks, his cute little feet, and his adorable smile.

November 9th is the day - I will probably be curled in a corner praying until he comes out of recovery.

Regrets

2011-10-24T17:45:00.000-05:00

Back almost two years ago I let three teenage boys borrow my car. I even posted it on facebook as a joke saying I would regret it and many others had the same sentiments. So, now I ask myself WHY WHY WHY did I let them do that? I must be an idiot. Now, almost two years later I am going to court to testify in a breaking and entering case where they used MY car to remove the stolen goods from the house. Again, I must be an idiot!

I hate everything about court, they make me nervous and the unknown scares the crap out of me. The smell, the people, the formalities -- all of it scares me to death even though I am not the one in trouble. Testifying scares me as well - what if this person I am testifying against decides to seek retribution? He obviously knows where I live - so to say I am scared is an understatement even though I shouldn't be... right?

Tough Decisions

2011-10-23T18:18:00.000-05:00

I have been seeing the same OB since I was pregnant with SM (three years ago), this pregnancy of course I went to her again as she took pretty good care of me last time. In the span of three years she has changed a lot. I am not going to doctor bash because I understand she is probably just really busy as the lobby seems to be filled to the seams when I go in and she rushes in and out of the room (I literally spend two minutes with the nurse for vitals, any complaints and see the doctor for four minutes) none of my complaints get addressed and she won't let me get a word in edge wise.

Here has been the typical visits so far (background my 1st pregnancy I had IUGR and have had 2 c-sections)
Nurse comes in does weight and vitals - asks for allergies, medications, complaints (which besides one visit there have been no complaints, just normal pregnancy aches that I don't need to address)
Doctor comes in: Asks how are you - I say good. She checked my cervix on the first visit at 8 weeks and nothing since. She checked heart rate once and I have never had my uterus measured (the only reason a different doctor caught my IUGR as I wasn't growing) I have only put on 5 lbs and I am 29 weeks and I feel like there should be more care. I am not saying that I want her to oogle over me but I would at least like her to measure me to make sure I am growing. I don't want numerous sonograms (even though they are cool). I don't feel like I am asking for much, am I? Especially since I know how she was in my last pregnancy with SM she did all of these things.

So, I made the decision to switch OB practices. She comes highly recommended by a few of my friends so at 29 weeks I am going to a different OB. Hopefully she will not be as busy and have some time for patient care. Also, maybe when I ask for a VBAC she won't just say "too dangerous" and walk out of the room without even discussing the "dangers" of it compared to another c-section.

Oy Vey

2011-10-22T01:35:00.000-05:00

Do you ever just let your kids do what they want just so you can get some quiet time? Yeah that was me the other day and here is what resulted. The kids took my yarn (which I told them they could have) and made a very large spider web involving four chairs and a kitchen table. They loved it, had fun with and then got tired of sharing... Result? Screaming, hitting, kicking, and tantrums from the both of them. Well, my quiet time only last about 20 minutes but it was enough to be able to handle their outbursts without wanting to run out of the house yelling and screaming. Yet, it was not worth the thirty minutes it took me to cut all the yarn off these chairs and put it in the trash when they could no longer get along.... Oy vey what a day!

Long Time

2011-10-17T11:13:00.000-05:00

It sure has been a long time since blogging, eight whole months have went by.

I was looking through my blog and realized at that time I was trying to lose weight. I did in fact lose about fifteen pounds but now I am pregnant. No losing weight from me now. The baby is a boy and will be born in January. This will be my last little bambino, going to get my tubes tied. Three kids is enough for this momma and to the parents that have more, more power to you but my nerves just can't handle it!

Things have been stressful around here but nothing the Lord and I can't handle. He will give me strength to get through my struggles.

MS is doing great, I can't believe she is four now! Where does the time go? She loves pre-school and we have her first parent-teacher conference tonight. She is getting more and more of an attitude as the days go by! She has a loose tooth (I didn't even realize she was getting to that age already ACK!).

SM is doing good to. He is a growing boy that if I let him survive on junk food he would be perfectly happy with the world. He knows his ABC's and can count... Now if only he would understand his colors haha. He loves to draw and does a pretty good job of it actually.

Fallen Marine's family adopts his best friend

2011-02-03T22:28:00.000-06:00

Fallen Marine's family adopts his best friend

U.S. 2010 dietary guidelines: Eat less, eat better

2011-02-01T04:24:00.000-06:00

U.S. 2010 dietary guidelines: Eat less, eat better

5'6 115 lbs (Healthy BMI)

2011-01-30T23:39:00.000-06:00

525276 115 lbs image by joe1967 on Photobucket

(see past 3 posts)

This is healthy? She is a stick! Not that I have anything wrong with sticks, I just don't want to be a stick haha

5'6 150 lbs

2011-01-30T23:36:00.000-06:00

b_os1566.jpg (300×479)

Okay so apparently this woman (from tobealways.net) is the picture of a healthy person that is 5'6... go figure

(See past 2 posts to know what the hell I am talking about)

This is someone who is 5'6 190 lbs this is NOT Obese!!!!!

2011-01-30T23:34:00.000-06:00

blah_by_Queen_of_Randomness.jpg (800×439)

(See previous rant about my weight and finding out it was in the obese weight range)

This is average, not obese! Who the hell makes these stupid BMI charts?

My trunk is full of junk!

2011-01-30T23:31:00.000-06:00

Okay... so this is it: honesty time. I weigh (dun dun dun) 192 pounds and I am 56 1/2". My bmi is 31.1 (IN THE OBESE RANGE?!?!) First: I lie about my height all the time, I say I am 5'8 its even on my ,drivers license, the only people that know my lie is the doctor, only because they measure me... Second: I lie about my weight I always say 160, its on my license too :) Okay so I was a little shocked with my BMI and being obese I mean really? I have a little pudge, I can still see my toes, I don't have three chins and I wear a size 12 (womens) So how the heck can I be obese? A little over weight yes, obese no?! At 180 I would be in the Overweight range and 150 would be healthy (that is the max of healthy) so realistically I would have to lose 42 pounds HOLY CRAP! Thats a lot, the last time I was 150 I was 16 (?) I was itty bitty. I don't want to be a stick, I want curves! I don't want to look like a starved Ethopian woman... So I gotta lose weight. I want to lose weight, I want to be healthy so I gotta get my act together. I have to start working my BIG butt out! I am getting exhausted just thinking about all the work I am going to have to do. I guess thats what got me in this mess in the first place. I want that weight loss pill I think its called phenermine or something like that, then I wouldn't have to work my butt off. My neighbor and her friend took it and they lost tons of pounds... Hmm maybe I should look into that option, but I would probably just gain it all back and then be all pissed off. My doctor would probably laugh at me anyway asking for such crazy medicines. I still can't believe I am obese, when I think of obese I think of someone that is large, can't fit in a seat etc. Not me, I look just a little pudgy. Ugh so there is my truth its out there, no turning back now its time to kick my butt in gear. I will report back next week on all the crazy stuff I am doing to shed 42 lbs. Honestly I am just looking forward to the shopping spree :)

Ruined Wedding Photos&|&Email Junk - StumbleUpon

2011-01-30T23:01:00.000-06:00

Ruined Wedding Photos&|&Email Junk - StumbleUpon

prAna blog & Handbook for Life&8230; 2010 - StumbleUpon

2011-01-30T21:37:00.000-06:00

prAna blog & Handbook for Life&8230; 2010 - StumbleUpon

StumbleUpon

2011-01-30T21:23:00.000-06:00

Mature people truths - StumbleUpon

I couldn't agree more with this.. I sympathize with most of these statements lol

Kitten riding turtle - StumbleUpon

2011-01-29T23:10:00.000-06:00

Kitten riding turtle - StumbleUpon

Google Cr-48 Chrome OS notebook review - SlashGear

2011-01-29T22:48:00.000-06:00

Google Cr-48 Chrome OS notebook review - SlashGear

My husband was one of the lucky ones to recieve a Cr-48 notebook from Google as part of the pilot program. I couldn't agree more with this review;

Resolutioms

2011-01-29T17:24:00.000-06:00

Did anyone make new years resolutions this year? I'm guilty, I did it again. Made the resolutions that will probably never happen. So what are we doing setting ourselves up for failure at the beginning of a New Year that we always says its going to be a better year?! So... we should make a resolution to make no resolutions so that we can't disappoint ourselves! Are you following me?

So, to 2011 (I know its almost 30 days late) may it be a better year and make our resolution to not many any!

Funny Huh?

2010-08-02T13:18:00.000-05:00

Isn't it funny that the average stay-at-home mom that blogs generally blogs when they are unhappy with their lives? Well, I am keeping with that statistic because I only seem to blog when I am upset with the way things are going. I have hit some rough patches that I haven't blogged about but in general today is just a bad day and I really don't see it getting any better. The house is a mess, I am a mess, my kids are a mess, my friendships are a mess and well my marriage couldn't be considered neat and tidy right now either. I am definitely depressed and my medication is no longer working for me if I am this big of a mess. Right now as I type I have dishes to do, living room to clean, shampoo all over the bathroom floor, kids playing bubbles in the house and I really have no motivation to fix any of it. My back stabbing neighbor who I called a friend has now destroyed a good friendship of my with another friend. I don't get time with my husband anymore because we are both too tired-marriage is like an ebb & flow and right now its definitely on the ebb. satan is trying to get his strongholds on me and I keep fighting and fighting. I shouldn't complain, Jesus was made who he was through suffering so who I am to complain? Suffering makes you who you are, brings you closer to God, but I am only human and I am not enjoying this suffering. I just wish people who said they are their friends would actually be a real friend instead of going behind your back and backstabbing you. I am trying to love my neighbor but love those who persecute you more, but its a hard thing to practice.

My Apologies

2009-08-20T22:02:00.000-05:00

I have been really crappy about posting lately. I vowed to myself that I wouldn't let this become a cutesy pinch my kids cheek blog, or just update everyone in general. I am trying to get back into my groove of writing, partly because my sanity is depending on it. I notice when I write I am generally in a better mood and my family will probably thank me for beginning to write again because I just can't stand it anymore. I am to the point of pulling my hair out, climbing in my closet and just crying. Why you may ask I have no idea! Thats why I should probably start writing again, it gives me insight into what is really going through my head. Right now as I try to write I have my husband looking over my shoulder, my daughter yelling I did it and doing some crazy exercising move and yet I am still concentrating on the task at hand. Writing to relive my frazzled brain and attempting to not go psychotic! Hey I never said that I was the least bit sane.
____
Why is that when you go to the store you always find the lunatics? I encountered a lady today while trying to find the perfect head of lettuce. I am minding my own business when a lady in her late 40's I would say approaches me. She starts going through the lettuce herself and talking to herself, this is what I hear.
Hmm too many roaches... I am sitting here thinking what the hell are you talking about lady, roaches? I am trying to keep the laughter inside as I realize this lady is bat shit crazy. The next head of lettuce she picks up she screeches and tosses it in my direction. Morbid curiosity or plain stupidity makes me engage in a conversation with her. She tells me her name is Peachy (I am hoping that it is a nickname) and she plans on making a salad tonight for dinner. I told her that sounded like a good idea, to which her response was: "It would be if there weren't so many bugs in lettuce, the government is trying to kill us with super roaches that attach to our brains!" At that point I back up slowly with a head of lettuce in my cart and walk as fast as I can in the other direction. At least someone was able to make me feel a little more sane today!

i have no title

2009-07-08T22:23:00.003-05:00

Life has finally settled down and I have had time to sit down and blog. It feels like it has been years. SM is 6 months old already has two teeth working on crawling and just looking like a little man! MS talks circles around you and never seems to sit still for longer than two minutes. But I wouldn't have it any other way. Still working as a bouncer and I really enjoy it sometimes but other days its UGH dealing with drunk people is not my forte' thats for sure. SM is really enjoying his carrots he gets to eat for the week, last week was squash and he loves to pile in the food. Before I know it they are going to be gone and I will have to cry!

Getting Better...

2009-01-25T17:23:00.003-06:00

We have settled in and gotten a pretty good routine down (cross fingers that it continues) and chaos level has definitely started to diminish. SM is three weeks old now, I can't believe how fast the time goes. He is a pretty good baby only crying when he really needs something, not for unknown reasons. Breast feeding got off to a rocky start because he was not wanting to latch on correctly with an end result of injuring me. Everyday we still try breast feeding but I usually end up pumping and giving him a bottle. He just doesn't seem to want to do it. I will pump as long as it takes and its really not too bad anyway because this time around a got a decent pump. MS is adjusting well to her little brother, wanting to throw away diapers and hold him. She now carries around a monkey and puts a diaper on it... Imagine on/off with this diaper for hours on end, oh well keeps her entertained, quiet, and happy! Every couple days we go somewhere so I don't go stir crazy in the house! Last night I left the kids with my mom and went out with M to work and had a blast, I called my mom every thirty minutes but when I returned they were still breathing, sleeping, and didn't kill here in the process either. It was a nice three hour break that was something fun. Started school last Wednesday-I love my teachers and can't complain one bit about them. Well there is the update I have MS screaming eat eat eat and my boobs are now leaking... Oh joy!

Arrived...

2009-01-06T18:17:00.002-06:00

SM arrived at 7:47 am on January 2nd 2009 he was 7 lbs. 3 oz. and 19 inches long. More updates will come soon, just enjoying time with my two kiddos.

The End of 2008 Comes to A Close

2008-12-31T11:08:00.004-06:00

So much has happened in 2008, life changing experiences that usually don't happen all at once much less in the same year so here is to 2008 coming to an end and hopefully an even better year coming!

My baby girl turned the magical one this year
Moved out of the ghetto into a house that we now OWN!
Started school to become a nurse
M started school to become a NP
Found out we were pregnant with SM
Rescued a kitty that had a fractured skull

I know it may not be a lot to some people but it is a lot to me. Here is to you 2008!

Resolutions, as I am a little hesitant to actually jot down my resolutions as then I might actually have to admit that I didn't do them next year or then will actually have to do them but either way I am still going to jot them down just to torture myself next year.

Like to get down to a nice weight after baby born (150-160 lbs.)
Attempt to breast feed SM for at least 6 mo. like I did with MS
Become a more active mom and take the kids to the park/walks/activities
Get involved in a play group (this is iffy-I am a little frightened by this one)
Maintain my 3.5 GPA
Get my car paid off

I don't think those are too bad, I think the one that will be the hardest the weight loss & GPA because I will really have to work at those and I am a little intimidated by the fact I will have two babies and still manage to get my school work done or anything resembling exercise. I guess we will have to see next year!

Am I Being a Hypochondriac?

2008-12-30T14:16:00.003-06:00

The past two weeks I have felt there is something not right with my body. I have told my normal doctor and the doctor I saw today (the one doing the c-section) they seem to think that I am fine and just worrying over nothing I however don't think I am fine. At least on Friday I will be having baby and I won't have to worry to much about pre-eclampsia anymore.

Here are the signs of pre-eclampsia
1. High Blood Pressure (134/87 today)
2. Increase in protein of urine (said it looked fine but in reading about it, Dr. Google says that to get accurate protein you need a 24 hr. urine sample)
3. Changes in vision (I have massive floaters, it appears like gnats are flying around a light-very weird)
4. Severe headaches (check, they make me want to cry!)
5. Unusual bruising (I have bruised dots on my arms-have no clue what they are from)

I found that normal blood pressure for a pregnant woman is 120/80-I normally run 120/60 on most of my visits. Hypertension is usually 140/90 so I am right on that brink of hitting that point so I am really worried about it. Well in 2 days 17 hours I will have a baby boy in my arms and I pray that he is a healthy little guy.

PG-13

2008-12-29T22:49:00.000-06:00

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Makes You Wonder...

2008-12-29T22:03:00.003-06:00

As some of you know (hell, I don't even any readers who am I kidding?) I was adopted by my grandparents when I was a child. I have always looked up to them as my mom and dad and nothing will ever change that. So, yesterday I talked to my grandma (my sperm-donors mom) and she said that he was straightening up his act and really wanted to talk to me. Keep in mind the first time I met him I was 13 and he was a total a hole. Since then I probably talked to him once a year in his drunken stupor and had to listen to him saying how much he screwed up and he really wants to be a dad to me yada yada, even though he isn't a dad to the four boys all under the age of 7 so I don't know what makes me so special. Anyways, so she gives me his number. I figure eh its the holidays I will call and say hi. So, I call and his girlfriend that he moved in with answers the phone. I think at first she was wondering who the hell was calling her boyfriend. She said he was unavailable and asked who it was so she could tell him I told her it was S, his daughter. Magically he was available to talk-gotta love jealous women! So, he goes on to say he has been sober 150 days and is working at a juvenile detention facility with teenagers that are just like he used to be-great I really can't picture that but okay. So, he said he is going to file for custody of his children-good luck after not being there for three years or paying a single cent in court ordered support! I am happy that he is trying to change his life, I really am but a part of me only thinks this is a facade' and he is doing it for this woman as he has been sober as long as he has lived with her. Don't get me wrong I hope he does straightened up his act for himself and his boys but I see failure-I know that is horrible. He goes on to say he wants to come see his grandkids this summer. Well, that set me off I don't view him as my father and I never will. He didn't raise me, teach me the things as dad is supposed to teach, or even try to stay in contact with me. I feel being a grandparent is an achievement you can only achieve after you have raised your own kids and is a privileged title, not something you can just claim, but have to put in many hours of stress, pride, anger, happiness etc. to gain that title. So, I told him that they were not his grandkids and if he wanted to see them that was great but he was only DB to me not dad/father and he will never be grandpa. I was maybe a bit harsh but just because he is sober does not mean I am going to let him take a role in my life that has only brought me bitterness throughout the years of growing up. He sure won't be in and out of my children's lives as an important figure, he has a track record with me so why should I give him the benefit of doubt now? Sorry, just needed to vent.

Blogger's Block

2008-12-27T21:31:00.003-06:00

For Christmas MS got a baby that talks, cries, and interacts with you. So, today her baby was crying I told her you better fix your baby! So, what does MS do? She lifts up the babies shirt, exposes the back, unfastens the Velcro, and turns the baby off at the switch. Wow, her daddy must have shown her that... Makes you wish you could "fix" all babies like that some days.

Stories from the bedside....

2008-12-25T01:19:00.003-06:00

So, last night dear hubby is in deep sleep and I am trying to get him to move his leg over so I can get comfortable this is the story that ensues..

Hubby: I wanna gdkjhkahke
Me: What did you say?
Hubby: I want to fank you?
Me: Fank?
Hubby: my thingy likes you
Me: umm... okay but your pinching my belly, can you roll over?
Hubby: rolls over and starts snoring

Glad I got out of that one, its sleepy time!

Merry Christmas

2008-12-25T00:18:00.002-06:00

Well, it is officially Christmas and it really does not feel like it. MS is still awake due to poor judgment on my part as a parent. My parents had us over for Christmas Eve and she made out that is for sure but they also got her a spring horse that they wanted us to put together and have under our tree in the morning for her. Well, we didn't have enough patience and begun putting it together (by the way it takes two people to put the springs on) which she of course sees us doing this and wants to "help." Her help involves standing with a wrench smacking the horse! So, once we get it done we of course let her ride on it. She is now refusing to get off of it and if we even attempt to take her off of it she goes into full tantrum mode. For the record she has never thrown a tantrum over a toy before but she sure loves this toy names Lucky. I am not sure if this is a gift that will be fantastic or hell, haven't decided yet! Well, I am off to wrap presents that I still have not wrapped! Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays/Happy Kwanzaa/Happy Hanukkah/Or anything else that I may have forgotten!

Elective C-Section-I'm Doomed

2008-12-23T09:19:00.003-06:00

The c-section date is only ten days away. I am scared out of my mind that I am going to be sliced open, my guts ripped out and put on display for everyone and a baby popping out! I had a emergency c-section with MS which I understand due to decels in the 10's (which I think is due to the cervadil but that is another story). I really wanted to attempt a VBAC with this one but my doctor has convinced me otherwise. So now I am scheduled for what is called an elective c-section, I wouldn't go that far into saying I really had a choice the way it was presented to me. She presented the statistics about placental abruption and told me my baby could die if I did a VBAC. Now, doing research I find that claim true but extremely rare. I am hoping to avoid a c-section and just go into labor a day before my c-section and tell the nurse/doctors that I am going to try to go as far as I can on my own. I have prepared myself for labor and I am hoping I will since it is far too late to change doctors as I only have 10 more days to go. So girls pray for the rapid onset of labor before 5:30am on January 2nd!

Also, another reason I would rather go into labor is the fact that I am selfish. Really, I am. I do not want the 6-8 weeks of healing time that goes into having a c-section, its not fun I have been there done that and I still am occasionally in pain at the site they cut open. I want the satisfaction of knowing I am strong and pushed out my 7lb (doctors estimate) baby! I want to be able to cuddle with my 1 1/2 year old when she wants to and not have to worry about her feisty feet getting me and busting my site open and I want the instant bonding that I never got with MS even though I understand she needed to go to NICU right away due to not being able to keep her body temperature up. I feel like I was robbed of my birth experience with MS even though I know it was for the best because I have a living, happy child as a result. I recovered rather quickly from my first c-section but that was also before I had another child that won't just "stop" crawling over me, wanting held, and needing comfort from mommy. I can't just stay in bed and take it easy-its not going to happen and I know it.

I am so scared to become a mother of two. I am not sure what to expect, everyone is telling me it will be okay but I am not so sure about that. I will have two that want my constant attention, two who will need to be fed and one of those will be breastfeeding and that takes some time unless he becomes a booby champion real quick. I am nervous and excited, more nervous then anything. So much can happen and I don't want MS to feel like she has been replaced. I am working hard in coordination with family to keep her schedule the same so nothing will change there, I feel that is important. My grandparents are coming down to help with MS while we transition new baby into the house (I don't have the nerve to tell them no, but that is a whole different post). I am scared that MS will start behaving badly looking for attention and I will like a horrible mother-I already do since we started making her sleep in her own bed. MS has started calling me "meanie mommy" that stings a little and makes me want to cry, especially when it is time for bed. I can only imagine how bad it is going to get once there is another baby needing my attention as well.

I have a lot to do today-maybe its nesting and labor is imminent? (yeah didn't think so, I can hope right)...

So, in case anyone cares this is what I did yesterday & have plans to do today:
MS Room
-Hung all her decorations (after 2 mo. of living here)
-Went through all of her toys and took out all the things that are too young for her
-Went through her clothes & packed up everything too small

SM Room
-Clothes are folded & hung/necessities placed
-Put up crib (M's job-don't plan on using it right away but I want it done NOW)

*Need to have M put together MS's jumping horse things before Christmas* Wrap Presents*

Living Room
-Cleaned out/under couches (quite a feat-lots of lost items found in there too!)
-Rearranged furniture (M's idea, not mine-I liked it the way it was!)
-Put rocker in living room (Still need to get it from parents house and place it in ours)
-Really need to hang my curtains (more like a M job & his drill)

Kitchen
-Install dishwasher (yup, another M)
-Go through all my plastic tupperware & toss mismatch things

My Bedroom
-Organize closet (it is now color coded & I know it won't stay that way for long)

Master Bath-It really needs help!
-Organize all medicine AGAIN-Dear hubby doesn't know how to put things back after searching for band-aids GRR!
-Need to scrub down the shower-its looking a little grungy too

So there are my plans for the rest of the day, add in eating/sleeping and well I have a full day ahead of me!

Scared Out Of My Mind

2008-12-18T22:01:00.003-06:00

We arrived home tonight around 9:15pm, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. We were in a fairly chipper mood as we had just finished our last final of the semester and were quite happy about it! I sit on the couch and look outside my window (we live in a close community) and see the door of a vacant house open with the lights on and I found this weird. I called the community manager and she said it was her in there and to come over she wanted to show me something seeing as we live next door. Apparently while we had been gone someone had gotten into the house and set fire to it several places. The walls scorched, the carpet gone in some places, it was like living my worst fear. She believes she knows who it was and the police were able to get a print off of one of the smoke detectors. Hopefully they catch the person and its an isolated incident. I hope they catch the person so that I will be able to sleep at night. I am scared to death of having a fire, it is one of my worst fears. When I came home, I tested all the smoke detectors (we have one in every room) fortunately they all work but I am still scared to death that a fire will start in our house and I won't be able to reach MS in time or we won't be able to get out. It makes my heart race just thinking about it. Then in talking to the manager she also told me there is a serial rapist on the loose. Again, this is not comforting as I was raped when I was 13 years old, fortunately I sent that sorry bastard to jail and was able to get my justice unlike so many other people, but it still scares me. The reason she knew this was going on? She unfortunately was one of the victims. I didn't know what to say, I was speechless-what do you say to someone that has been raped. I'm sorry to hear that just don't cut it-it was very uncomfortable since I have only known her for two months. I just wanted to grab her up and hug her but I wasn't sure that was appropriate either. Now not only am I scared that I am going to wake up with my house on fire but now I am going to be constantly looking over my shoulder and eyeballing everyone just a little bit closer in fear that I will be raped as well. This is a small town (only a population of MAYBE 5,000 people) and things like this are not supposed to happen. We have only had only murder in the past ten years and that was a domestic issue, not someone who just came up and shot someone. What is this world coming to, I lived in a world where I thought that small town was safe and now I am really beginning to get a reality check. I am scared, I am on edge, and I will definitely be paying a lot more attention to everything around me instead of being oblivious to the things that could possibly happen at anytime. Am I over-reacting?

Could This Be The Answer?

2008-12-15T11:05:00.002-06:00

I was reading an article today that suggested researchers are on their way to helping premature infants lungs develop faster. It has something to do with calcium receptors, I am not going to pretend to know what that truly does, but could we be on our way to seeing all those tiny 25 week gestation babies survive with minimal effects? I know the research is still rather raw and it will take time to get medication approved and begin distributing it but maybe this is the answer to so many parents/babies dreams. I truly hope they continue their research and are able to do this as quickly and safely as possible as this could truly be a miracle in the making.

Long Night

2008-12-14T16:42:00.002-06:00

We got MS dropped off at my parents house. I am really hoping that my mom will listen to my requests of not sleeping with her because it would only be a step backwards if she did and I really hate listening to my daughter's pleas to sleep with M and I. I realize my mom probably will not listen to me as I slept with my mom till I was 13. I was what you would consider a very insecure child growing up. I had severe separation anxiety and fears that my parents would just take off one day and leave me. Looking back now I probably should have been in counseling, I had a pretty rough time before I was even four years old. Before I was born my biological mother (who I know call my sister) was forced into rehab because of her addiction to cocaine while being pregnant with me. After I was born it was my grandparents (now the people I call mom and dad) that took care of me because my BM wanted to party instead. By the time I was a year old I was already calling them mom and dad and her A. When I was two A took off to marry someone and left me. I know now that it was for the best and I don't resent that anymore but I used to. It was something I struggled with for many years and a little part of me does today. At four years old my parents legally adopted me, which was a blessing in itself. My mom had 13 miscarriages and desperately wanted another baby, I would become that baby to her. I can't imagine the pain she went through trying to carry a baby to term and quite frankly I never want to imagine how much pain it caused her. Ultimately though the abandonment left me very insecure and I don't think it was recognized until I became a full fledged teenager that refused to see a therapist because "there was nothing wrong with me." Looking back I should have taken the help but I let pride get in my way and even today I let pride get in my way. My life when I was younger now reflects on how I am a parent whether that is good or not I am still unsure of. I am learning every step of the way. I am not claiming to be a know-it all but I really wish I knew the best way to raise my child and to never hurt her but I know that is going to be impossible. I know everyone makes mistakes some worse than others but I strive to be the "perfect mom" and some days that wears me so thin there is no way possible that I am being a good mom. I am so lucky to be married to M, he can recognize when I need a break and will step up to the plate when I am feeling hopeless and tired. But is it really enjoy that I want to be that perfect parent? I at times feel like a robot caring for her, just going off a schedule and not necessarily bonding the way I should. Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter to death and I would die for her and do anything for her but again is that simply enough? Do I show her my love? I know I say it often and she will tell me "loooov you" but I don't think its enough to tell someone that you love them, actions speak louder than words. I know in the mornings that her diaper is going to be soaked from sleeping over night and it will need to be changed. I know she will demand a nana (banana) and her molk (milk), I know she will sit beside me as she wolfs down her banana and goes onto her reeo's (cheerios). I know she will want me to read and play with her even if I don't feel like it until her 11am naptime. I know she will ask for her puppy mobie (All Dog's go to Heaven) after her name and I will grungingly put the first fifteen minutes on that she will watch and lose interest and go on about her day. Is it not enough to know what she is going to want? Somedays I wonder if I am showing her how much I love her and care for her.

I don't know why this has struck me today, I am feeling sick (ie. sore throat, stuffy nose, ear ache) and just want to be loved and cared for but I don't seem to get the warm fuzzy feeling that I hope I am giving my child. M and I have had numerous discussions if you will call them about us showing our affection towards each other. He has Asperger's Syndrome and I know it can be difficult at times for him to show his feelings but what is my excuse? He will break down sometimes and tell me he doesn't think I care about him because I don't show him that I do. I feel like I do, but do I really? Yes, I may make his morning coffee for him before I wake him up for the day-but is it enough? Lately, I feel like we are disconnected from each other, two strangers parenting a child with another one on the way. At night we don't even cuddle with each other anymore and that could just be because I am so uncomfortable and hot lately I don't want to be touched but should I make that sacrifice just for a little bit so I can show him I do care and love him? I am so conflicted, how much do I have to sacrifice to show him how much I love him before it makes me unhappy to show him because I am trying so hard. He is a great husband and will engage in all my whims, he usually sees to it that all my physical needs are taken care of. Its just emotionally lately we are not taking care of each other. I remember something M's mom once said "tend to your marriage like a garden or weeds will grow" it is always stuck with me and I feel like I have been neglecting my garden lately and I need to pull those weeds before it kills my garden. I feel like all we do anymore is be parents and not partners anymore. I don't know how to go about bringing it up without sounding like a selfish woman. I know its important that MS gets the attention she needs but what about my emotional needs. I feel its more important for MS to grow up in a two parent home with parents that love her and more importantly love each other. To show her what a healthy relationship is and to provide as many tools as possible so she can go out into the real world and be successful. Is this too much to ask?

In other news last night was rather amusing. M works security for a club on the weekends and last night was relatively amusing. A lot of them are married and their wives will come with them on Saturday nights and help out at the club as it gets pretty busy. So two of the other women and I are sitting at a corner table watching all the craziness most of the night when a lady comes up to me and asks me if I remember her. I have no clue who she is and she says she has painted my face once... I think the last time my face was painted was when I was five years old and I highly doubt she remembers me from that long ago so I politely tell her that I don't know who she is and I think she is mistaken me for someone else. Just as she is leaving she steps and trips on my foot (she was pretty drunk) and lands straight on her face. After realizing she was okay and having security escort her out of the club as it was clear she needed to be cut off and go home to sleep all I could do was laugh (I know bad me!). Its night like this that make me smile at all the drunk/amusing people you run across. You have the young girls that want to dress like its going to be 500 degrees and must show as much skin as possible. You have the people trying to dress with a huge coat on even though its pretty warm in there, the girls that look like they are trying to dance in a strip club, not a dance club among others. Last weekend it was crazy enough where I helped do the pat downs and its amazing what people wear into the club or attempt to bring into the club. That night I took away ten, yes TEN bottles of alcohol away from various people trying to sneak it in. Do these people not realize they get patted down and purses checked? I love how our intelligence gets insulted because someone thinks they will get away with bringing it a LARGE bottle of liquor. IF they were to get in the club with it (which is highly unlikely) how do they think they are going to drink it as there are no doors to the bathroom stalls for security purposes and there is a security officer in the bathroom as well as over 15 security guards in the club itself. I would say their plan was never fully thought out-if they wanted to save money they should have stayed at home.

Out Of A Name

2008-12-13T11:53:00.002-06:00

So, today I have successfully accomplished nothing... That is right nothing. I guess that is one thing that I am good at as planning what I am going to do, even writing a "to do" list and then it never gets done when I want it to. Today, I would really like to change that but M is snoozing like a bum and I am attempting to get MS down for a nap in her OWN bed which is quite the challenge. So, we will see how far I actually get today-hopefully farther than what I am thinking I will get done.

MS went to bed by herself last night without too much fighting and comforting. That was a relief because I wasn't sure I could emotionally handle another night without breaking down and committing myself for feeling like a horrible mom. Realistically I know I am not horrible but I feel like it when your precious little baby is screaming out for you because she doesn't want to sleep in her own bed. Yesterday's nap was a met with a little more resistance than bedtime, I think its starting to sink in that we are not going to give in as much as I would like to! She ended up only sleeping for about thirty minutes and was then a very hyper little girl due to lack of sleep afterwards. Normally she takes about a 1 1/2 hour nap but that was not the case yesterday. Right now she is laying down in her own bed, with the door cracked open. As of right now she has been in there ten minutes with no crying/fussing and I am hoping that she will drift off into sleepy land and be there for a little while. I am hoping everything doesn't get unraveled tonight as she will be at my parents house and she always sleeps in the guest room with my mom even though I have asked her many times not to because I don't want her thinking she needs someone there to go to sleep especially with a new baby arriving, it is so frustrating. Any suggestions on how to approach this subject? I have already tried the blunt-she may scream but for the sanity of everyone in the long run you need to let her sleep by herself, but she will go in there and sleep with her ARGH!

Our car is doomed, it hung out with one too many sick cars. It all started last Friday night when M was taking MS to my parents so that they could watch her for a while. It was had snowed and it was pretty icy outside. On the way back home M went to stop at a stop sign and the ABS (Anti-lock Brake System) kicked in and sent him into a curb, hitting fairly hard. We took it to the mechanic yesterday because the steering wheel was not straight, the tires were not straight and you could not go over 45mph in the vehicle. So mechanic says its the struts, both bent which he says he has never seen both of them bent. It will cost 140.00 in labor and 75.00 for the parts because they could get used struts. Okay, thats fine lets do it! They call later after they have ripped the car apart and said it also needs a steering knuckle which they can also get used for 40.00. No problem if that is what fixes everything. Well, we went to go get the car and the mechanic says that the ABS light was on and he fixed it... I said the ABS light was not on when we brought it in but he said he "fixed" it so I was not too worried. Well as we pull out of the parking lot they shut their lights off and out the door they went as well. We have now found out that the ABS light that was not on when we brought it is now turning on if you go over 12mph also when you turn now it sounds like there is cats up in the engine and they are screeching. The car never made those sounds until he messed with it. There is no way to get a hold of them as they are convientently not open during the weekend... Monday they will hear from a very grumpy hormonal female that will expect them to fix what they messed up for free because it was not like that beforehand.

Also, last night I was attempting-keyword attempting to get dressed in normal clothes so that I could take M to work. So far I have gained 15 lbs but my stomach is a lot bigger than it was with MS even though I gained 23 lbs with her. First go on jeans-that isn't going to work as they will no longer fit around my protruding belly. Maternity jeans well that was a nice idea to but I was small with MS and have "small" maternity clothes. So I find some black comfy pants with a tie waist and throw those one. Next comes a shirt... well anything cute that would go with said black pants is refusing to cover my belly-yes even my maternity shirts. So, at this point I was ready to cry feeling like a whale. I sit on the toilet with a bra on and my black pants. I am holding my head in my hands and M walks in. Asks what I was doing and I said in my lovely whining voice "I don't have any clothes that fit!" "My stomach is HUGE!" He then says well that is what happens when you get pregnant and starts laughing. Gee, thanks dear I appreciate your support of not telling me how big I am and that I look gorgeous... I was ready to deck him but didn't. I could just buy new clothes but in three weeks I will be having SM and there is really no point in my opinion so until then I guess I will just be wearing slob clothes-I don't care, its not like I have to be anywhere special.

Screwed...

2008-12-12T12:43:00.003-06:00

Right now M and I are going to college, to better ourselves. I wish I would have went straight to college right out of high school. Oh well, things happen for a reason and we are both correcting it now. Right now M is only working on the weekends at the club right now and going to school. Right now the economy stinks as most of you know and without much experience on paper and only driving experience it has been hard for him to find another job that also works with his school. I know we have to sacrifice right now for the better good of our family in the long run but it is depressing some days. Today we had to go up to SRS as they have been providing assistance to us. This is what we were told. He wants me to get on a work experience program once I have MS while I am also doing twelve hours of school. The WEP is going to be scheduled for 20 hours a week which is fine but they want M to 40 hour work week, plus 20 hr. WEP, and attend to school. Are they serious? They said our schooling can't be counted as WEP because its not a vocational school but a college and its not training for a trade like welding etc. While some people want to be welders and they are definitely people that are needed it is not something me and the hubby want to do. I feel so doomed right now that we will never make it through school because if we don't stop school we will be living in a box and eating out of trash cans... Any advice?

Its Going to be a Long Night

2008-12-11T20:40:00.004-06:00

When we lived with my parents for a couple months before buying our home we were all sleeping in the same room. She was in a toddler bed beside us. She would go to bed on her own and end up in our bed around 1am. I never let this happen before we moved to my parents but I didn't want her crying and waking up my parents so we continued to let this happen. Unfortunately it carried on once we moved out to our new house. We have been letting it happen since July and now she has come to expect it. Ugh I don't know why I ever did that as she was fantastic at going to bed on her own and sleeping through the night which she doesn't do either anymore. So since SM is expected in three weeks M and I decided we have to be firm with our sweet little girl and make her sleep in her own bed. This is so rough for me, I love my little girl and hearing her scream and cry is tearing me apart at this very moment. So far its 9:17pm in the Mismatch house and we started putting her to bed at 8pm at her bedtime. We give her five minutes of crying then we take turns going in to comfort her and put her back in her bed and reassure her that everything will be okay. As soon as we leave she is out of bed throwing her cookie monster and bunny that she carries everywhere out of her bed, then goes her cup, her pillow and then herself. I know this can only last so long but I already feel defeated and its only been 1 1/2 hours. I know that we are going to go through this with nap time and bedtime again tomorrow and I feel like a horrible mother right now. I know I need to stand strong against her and that she will be fine and sleeping in her bed in no time if we are firm but its sucking my energy right out of me and all I want to do is grab her up and hug her and tell her it will be okay and cuddle with her and fall asleep along beside her because she is my sweet little baby... Please pray that God gives me the strength to stand strong and not give in to that sweet little face of hers that I have come to love more and more everyday. M is getting frustrated as well, I would say I am handling it better than him with her crying. I am trying to block out that five minutes we let her cry but that is pretty hard for me to do right now. He isn't able to block it out and I think we have had about enough of each other as I am feeling like he isn't helping out the way he should trying to do this even though it is both of our faults that we are in this situation. Where is Nanny 911 when you need them to encourage you that it will be okay as we sit outside her door crying for her as well. This hurts me just as much as it is hurting her and I hate this feeling that I am hurting my little girl so that I can get sleep at night. That just makes me feel selfish but this co-sleeping thing does not work for me. I realize it may for some families but for my sleep and sanity I just can't do it. I am weak.

***11:22pm**
Everything is peaceful now in the Mismatch household. M actually got her to sleep and calmed down. I am not sure how long this will last and I worry that she will get cold without sleeping in the middle of us but I am trying to resist the urge to go in there and see how she is doing at risk of waking her up. Granted I can see her on the video monitor but that is unable to tell me if she is cold or not. I think I will retire to bed and leave M awake to worry for the night because I am emotionally exhausted and have a feeling this will start up again sometime in the night because she will want to come to bed with us when she wakes up. I don't know if I can take this, I am ready to pull my hair out and feel like a horrible mother.

**4:10am**
She woke up, she definitely slept longer than I thought she would. It was hard pulling myself out of bed to put her back into her room as she screamed and kicked and saying momma momma... It pulled at my heart strings but I know I need to do this and by the time SM is born she should be sleeping in her own bed, we can hope right? Please tell me this won't be this long!

Dr. Update (35W6D) & Other Things

2008-12-11T16:38:00.003-06:00

Saw Dr. PWH today, she said I am still dilated the same (2 cm.) so that is a good thing. I presented her with my list of concerns and this is what she did...

1. I told her that all I want is ice and no "real" food and I think my iron is low. She in turn prescribed me iron supplements and ran a CBC which I will get the results of before my next appointment (Dec. 18th @ 9:40am).

2. Told her about severe leg cramps-she wants to see my CBC before doing anything about that

3. Suspected yeast infection, which is no fun and I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy-prescribed Diflucan.

I am glad I got all my complaints taken care of besides the usual backaches, can't get comfortable, constantly full feeling, and general contractions that for the record I DID NOT complain about to her because I know all of this is normal and definitely worth it once SM is here.

His heartrate was 144 today and my blood pressure was 124/76 so everything is looking great. Three weeks and one day I will have a baby boy in my arms if I don't go into labor before that point. A part of me wants to go into labor the day I hit 37 weeks (considered full-term) but a part of me is also okay with waiting to 39 weeks and getting the c-section.

I am just scared out of my gourd on how MS is going to react and if she is going to be okay through this. I want her to remain my mostly sweet little girl that has no insecurities and loves her mommy and daddy. I have told her there is a baby in mommy's belly and she will kiss and hug my belly and say baby SM but I don't think she has grasped that a real baby is in there and he will be coming home soon and she won't get as much one-on-one attention that she is used to. I will try my hardest to spend time with just her but I know its going to be demanding as I plan to breastfeed and that takes up a lot of time in itself without all the care a newborn requires.

***

The strange dreams have hit me full force now, you have to love hormones! I was dreaming that someone came to the door, I have reason to believe it was someone I know but still unsure. She was asking to see MS (for some reason I know it was a Monday, don't ask how I know this!?) and I told her MS was taking a nap and she could come back on Friday. The girl then said "oh you can't be disturbed until Friday? In a very nasty tone and then I heard a zoom and crash and woke up sitting straight out of bed. I couldn't shake this weird feeling, it sent chills down my spine and my subconscious told me to check the doors and pray. I did this as my brain told me to, everything was okay and I did pray for my family to be safe. It is weird because it wasn't what I would consider a bad dream but I just felt very unsafe and needing comfort... I don't know what that was all about but I am just going to attribute it to hormones!

She Is Trying To Kill Me!

2008-12-10T09:25:00.003-06:00

My dear sweet MS is not the loving MS that she normally is. As of yesterday I have three battle wounds from her. The first would be a lovely black eye, did you know black eyes turn different shades, well I found out that they do! She decided while I was laying in bed that it would be great fun to head butt me in my eye socket. It hurt, I cried, I kicked, I was a baby but it still hurts and now that it is bruised I believe I had every right to act like a baby!

Second: Not all my drawers in the house are baby-proofed. M will have a job on Thursday to cure that but she had opened the top drawer that I didn't think she could get into (she proved me wrong!) and grabbed the chicken de-boners. I go to take them away and she opens them up and goes ARGGHH like a monster, little did I know that is what I would be thinking of her in a matter of seconds. I grab the sharp end and somehow my finger was in between the blades and what does she of course do? Well with all her might she shuts them on my big fat finger. Now I have a very deep cut on my pointer finger all the way down to the cartiledge. Ahh the joys of parenthood.

Third: It wasn't exactly her fault but her behavior transpired into me causing harm to my lovely knuckles. I am not the most patient person in the world, if you thought so I must have really fooled someone. She continued to throw a tantrum because I would not let her touch the buttons on the television. We go through this about a hundred times a day-no exaggeration. I just got fed up I couldn't handle her yesterday and decided to punch the refrigerator. At the time it sounded like a great idea-better than MS right? Well, my knuckles are calling me quite the dummy right now. Needless to say it was not a good day in the Moo household...

Here is a question for all you moms out there... Why why why does a 1 1/2 year old find it necessary to bang their head on the floor and make themseleves scream even louder in the event of a temper tantrum. Seriously I want to call her a dummy when she does this but I feel bad because she hurt herself even though she did it to herself. I am ready to pull my hair out!

The First Snow

2008-12-09T10:41:00.003-06:00

Today it begun snowing around 7:30am and it hasn't stopped yet! They are calling for 1-4 inches but who knows what we will actually get. I love the first snow of the season and it will be the first time we take MS out in it. As I sit here I am getting excited about showing her how to make snow angels (depending on the amount of cooperation she will put forth) and we will attempt a snowman but that depends on how good the snow is. Around this time in 2006 I was still pregnant with MS and battling the flu so I was unable to go play in the snow. In 2007 MS was still small for her age and we were still concerned about her temperature so we decided that it was best to keep her inside all nice and warm, now the snow has came back and nothing is going to hold us back from taking her out and playing. I will edit later with pictures.

****

In other news I am 35 weeks 4 days. I am excited that I am getting so close to being 36 weeks. I am happy that I am able to cook our sweet little boy longer. Don't get me wrong there are days I just want him out and to be done with pregnancy but I know that is not what is best for him so we play it day by day and I know everyday counts. Thursday I go see the doctor again, hopefully I am not dilated any further than what I was last Monday. He has definitely dropped significantly, it takes a lot to walk because of all the pressure in my pelvis but that is a small price to pay to have him in another day. I may not be the most religious person, I do believe their is a God and he does wonderful things. I don't pray like I should I catch myself only praying in desperation (which I should work on changing) but I thank God everyday that he has stayed in longer. I am hoping to go to at least 37 weeks which is considered full term then I will know the chances of him being healthy are higher than what they are now and he will most likely be just fine. If it is meant to happen it will but I am hoping to hold on for a while. One week 3 days I will be 37 weeks!

Jingle Bells

2008-12-07T09:53:00.000-06:00

So today I attempted to sing Jingle Bells to MS... That didn't turn out the way I thought it would. I started singing and couldn't remember anything but Jingle Bells, yes I am serious. So, I had to go look up the lyrics and felt like a retard as I really should know them. In case you are all wondering here are the lyrics to Jingle Bells...

****
Dashing through the snow
In a one horse open sleigh
O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way
Bells on bob tails ring
Making spirits bright
What fun it is to laugh and sing
A sleighing song tonight

Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one horse open sleigh
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one horse open sleigh

A day or two ago
I thought I'd take a ride
And soon Miss Fanny Bright
Was seated by my side
The horse was lean and lank
Misfortune seemed his lot
We got into a drifted bank
And then we got upsot

Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one horse open sleigh
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one horse open sleigh yeah

Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one horse open sleigh
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one horse open sleigh
****

Shattering News...

2008-12-06T08:56:00.004-06:00

Yesterday my parents recieved a phone call from a law firm saying they needed to confirm CYB's death. My mom thought it was a bill collector trying to scam them on giving information about her. We had not talked to CYB in about six months after the wildfires destroyed their home and were evacuated. We knew they were safe due to a couple of news stories, this was the last we heard from her and my three nephews. (My brother is married to CYB but they have been seperated for five years and he has not even seen his boys-yes he is a deadbeat and its quite alright to say that... anyways) So, I begin to search on the internet for obituararies, I am unable to find any at all. I begin to think this is a scam then I got smart and checked the Social Security Death Index website and there it was in black and white. CYB death Sept. 8, 2008. I was in shock, she was only 37 years old, she wasn't in the best health but we sure didn't expect that and we sure thought that we would at least get a phone call from her lover who we welcomed into the family for the past five years and thought was a great guy as he stepped up to father my nephews... I couldn't believe my eyes, in a state of shock, confusion, disbelief, and then total panic. Where were my nephews? Nobody had contacted D my brother or my parents about it. The lawyer was a bill collector that had recieved notice of her death and was trying to confirm it, why if the lawyer was able to find us was the state of California unable to find any of to notify us... Again, where the hell were my nephews aged 9,7, & 6. I started searching the internet for my nephews names and stumbled across a court website. It showed that BH was granted custody (her lover and the man who raised them-their REAL daddy as far as I am concerned) on 11/22 since they were unable to find any other family. Obviously California did not try very hard in looking for them, which angers me because how many other children are awarded custody to people that might not be suitable to raise them because they really didn't search for any family. Anyways, I get a hold of one of CYB's friends that lives here in small town Kansas and see if she has a different phone number. She was also unaware that CYB had passed away as well. I try the phone number she has and BH did answer so I begun to "nicely" interrogate him. They believe that it was her heart because in July she had an angiogram that showed her heart was only functioning at 60%, my question is if the doctors knew this two months before she passed why wasn't something done? The day she passed away she had gotten a phone call from the school saying D.A. was sick and needed to be picked up so she sent D.W. to pick him up. When D.A & D.W returned they found their mom slunched over in bed, already blue. An ambulance was immediately called and they were unable to revive her. A death certificate still has not been issued (is this weird? I find that really odd) because her case is "complex" according to the county they live in because she was on a mixture of medications (a combination of 15).

I am not sure how I feel about BH raising my nephews. I know he is a really good guy and has always been in the boys' life and should be considered their daddy, but now he can legally get their last name changed. They are the last of the boys to carry my maiden name and that makes me sad knowing that our bloodline will end with these boys as I have no doubt BH will most likely legally adopt them, right now he has been granted permanent custody (I think these are two different things... right?). I am sure we will find out more in the months ahead I will by deadbeat brother would pull his head out of his ass and step up to the plate but I really don't see that happening due to him lying to the "girl of his dreams" who seems to think he only has one child and was unmarried. In actuallity he has five children and was married to CYB until she passed away.

****

In other news I am still having a lot of contractions, I am sure at my next doctor appointment (Thur.) that I will be dilated farther. At least I have hit 35 weeks, according to BabyCenter he is 18 inches and 5.5 lbs, I wish my OB would do another sonogram since I have pre-term labor hanging over my head I would like to know about his lungs and organs so I know what to expect like we did with MS. I told her I wanted the steroid shot to make sure his lungs were matured but she didn't feel the need for this. That really upsets me because I feel that is what helped MS do so well when she was born at 36 weeks and only had temperature problems. Ugh, I am ready to pull my hair out and the doctor isn't helping.

34W6D and Dilated--WARNING this is a complaint post

2008-12-04T15:21:00.002-06:00

If you have read any of my blog archives you will know my pregnancy with MS was not the best yet totally worth it. Now this pregnancy is beginning to resemble MS's and its been a struggle the past week or so because it is hard being on bed rest with a twenty month old who let me add is a bundle of energy. M is driving me nuts as its like pulling teeth to get him to pick up the house even though he is taking great care of MS. I never realized how much I actually did around the house everyday until I have gotten the privilege of cleaning everyday taken away. Yes I am complaining because I have to look at my house in total chaos. At least the house got vacuumed and the laundry is done but as for the dishes and the scrubbing of bathrooms well lets just say its not getting done! I saw the doctor on Monday and she checked me. I am effaced and two centimeters dilated at 34 weeks. This truly scares the crap out of me as 34 weeks is still pretty early and he needs time for his precious lungs to get stronger. I know survival rate is decent but I don't want decent I want excellent. I also remember when MS was in the NICU and the nurses would refer to the little boys that were Caucasian as puny little white boys because they always seems to do this worst. So having my sweet precious little boy in the catergory scarys the living daylights out of me. I am taking it day by day but the contractions and not being able to do anything is driving me mad but it will be worth it when he comes, hopefully later than sooner. They went ahead and scheduled the c-section for January 2nd, just in case he decides to stick around in the ol' uterus instead of being so impatient to get out. I hate to tell him its cold out here, not a tropical 98.6 degrees. Oh well, you can't tell kids nothing-they never listen as I am learning with my daughter!

Reasons to not teach body parts

2008-12-01T21:15:00.001-06:00

I have a pretty observant child I really do. Most moms can relate that you are never able to get a moment alone especially if you would like to shit, shower, or shave... Its inevitable they want in and to no avail when you have a husband that doesn't want to hear her screaming at the door he will let her in to satisfy her needs. So there I am stark naked waiting for the bathtub to fill up with water. She notices my breasts and tries to touch them, I tell her no those are mommies boobies... Boy was that a mistake, two days later she is still trying to lift my shirt saying boobies boobies. I am really hoping that this will never get out into the public where people know me. Ahhh gotta love children!

Woo Obama!!!

2008-11-05T09:31:00.000-06:00

Congratulations to Mr. Obama! I don't discuss politics on here so that is the end of my post, but I am happy!

Home Owner

2008-11-01T00:50:00.001-05:00

We bought a new house woo! Its a 3 bedroom, 2 bath and I absolutely love having a garden bathtub. Its great, I love the room and MS is having a blast running throughout the house. Now if I could only get this house unpacked everything would be great!

****

Halloween was rather uneventful. M had to work so I took MS out by myself. She was dressed as a ladybug and we only went down one street as she was scared to death of all the kids that had masks on. Oh well she still scored some candy, more than I am going to let her eat so Halloween went well. Hope everyone has a safe Halloween!

24 Weeks Down-16 to go

2008-09-19T22:42:00.001-05:00

Had a sonogram on Thursday. Baby boy is doing just fine and weighing in at 1lb 4 oz. which is good for his gestational age. That puts my due date at January 9th. MS is doing really good except the throwing of food and occasional temper tantrum. We are looking at some homes to move into and its quite frustrating finding the right fit for our lifestyle. Is it wrong to have a baby shower with your second child? Just wondering since now I am expecting a boy and will have to buy massive amounts of boy clothes as MS's clothes are clearly girly! School is going good for me and M. I love my classes except my math class and its the teacher I don't care for not the math itself, picture monotone and doesn't describe anything well. Thus is life.

Too Many Decisions in Life!

2008-08-20T01:27:00.002-05:00

I think my brain is on total overload after all of the decisions that need to be made rather quickly. First on my agenda-school. I actually enrolled in Vatterott College today, I am not actually sure that I made the right decision and I probably should have done some research on it. Its to be a medical assistant and it will take 60 weeks and a whopping 23,000.00 I know YIKES! Later when I got home I was talking with a friend and she said she has a medical assistant certification as well and the career college she went through is not seen to highly upon by employers, which then got me thinking... I did some research and I realize some people are just grumpy and complain but the number of complaints about this school is crazy! I went to the BBB and the school has numerous complaints along with a class action lawsuit because their instructors teaching weren't even certified. I have 36 hours to decide I don't want to do it so I have to figure out my options. Go to a community college and get my LPN (2 years, $12,000.00 later) or go to the university for my full RN for 18,000.00. I also have to keep in mind baby #2 will be arriving in Dec. (gender still unknown). So do I go full force ahead and do 4 years in an university or 2 years and make about 20k less a year and be happy with that after all I will have two kids at that point who will need to be supported as well.

Secondly: State insurance is horrible and so is my caseworker. I have been trying to get on state insurance since JUNE it is now the middle of AUGUST. My worker kept telling me she didn't know what the hold up was so I took matters into my own hands and called up state insurance and they said "we haven't recieved your application" ARE YOU SERIOUS! This just tells me that my caseworker does nothing and state insurance is now expediting my case and sending out cards immediatly. Thank you state for giving me a crappy case worker who I promply called her supervisor to complain and have not gotten a call back, could this be a case of crappy state supervisor as well or there is just too many complaints about the workers she is employed to supervise??

Thirdly: M and I still can't decide on a name if it is a girl. I reallllllly want a name that he doesn't care for so he goes the battle. Maybe it will be a boy and we won't go through the battle as we have had a boy name picked up since MS was on the way.

Fourthly: Right now we are staying with my parents until we can get into something better. Its cramped but we are doing well considering. BUT any of the nice places we have found do not accept any pets. Our cats are 9 & 7 years old, spayed & declawed and they are our babies and I don't want to toss them to my parents for a place. I know some people may not be able to understand that but they were our kids before we even started having kids. Our cats are not pets-they are family and it is aggrevating being declined due to pets. Isn't there a pet friendly place for rent that is a 3 bdrm somewhere in this small town? grrr hiss, I guess those houses just weren't meant to be then.

Lastly: Everything is doing well with the pregnancy, nothing major to report. I lost 20 lbs in the beginning and I am slowly gaining that back which I am happy about-gaining weight is healthy and I will definitely accept that! Now, if only I could get my insurance cards so I can get a sonogram and find out the gender of this VERY ACTIVE little baby inside me. I swear MS left etchings in my uterus of what to do while bored, tired, and just plain wanting to annoy mommy. On the MS front she is a talking RUNNING handful. We are working on potty-training, she loves her pink potty chair and she goes "peepee" in it according to her. The funny thing is, she demands toilet paper after use and insists on flushing that in the big potty and waving bye bye to it... Very cute but that is to be expected she is a P/B child and we are very proud of her accomplishments as any parent would be. She also plays "sock monster" this happens by putting a sock on her hand and she will run after everyone in sight going ARGGGGH, very cute and I am sure she will do it in public someday and make me apologize to some poor stranger. M has also taught her to blow boogers, keep in mind his blowing snot and mine are two different things. He has taught her to hold the side of a nostrel and blow-hard... Thanks M I really appreciate it when she blows snot... all over me. She has figured out that the highchair is climable and when she is hungry tries to climb it, this is NOT okay with me and she gets in trouble everytime but she is stubborn like me and we go back and forth about 20 times before the food is actually ready for her consumption. She is doing way too many cute things now and definitely knows how to throw on the charm when she is in trouble. There are days when I have to cover my face to tell her no and divert her attention somewhere else because I am laughing to hard to really tell her no. The lovely joys of parenthood!

8 weeks today

2008-06-07T16:33:00.000-05:00

Now I am eight weeks pregnant, so far nothing horrible has happened but I don't want to get my hopes up and have another ectopic pregnancy. So far its pretty normal stuff though. Morning sickness which should really be called all-day sickness! MS has been a butt the past couple days. I don't know what has gotten into her! One minute she is the nicest baby in the world, giving you kisses and hugs and the next minute she is biting or head butting you and screaming at you. She has now learned if she don't get her way she will scream at the top of her lungs which my ears really don't appreciate. I don't know what to do, she is becoming a mean baby and I mean it! M has been doing pretty good, last night he got into a singing mood, it was pretty cute and he even sang to me. BTW I am not just saying this because I am his wife but he can really sing. So far everything is okay on this front, just looking for places and jobs in the big city before we move.

Interesting News

2008-06-01T23:15:00.000-05:00

This would be the size of the new baby in my belly! Baby is due on Jan. 17th's, which is M's birthday. So far everything is going good, not too much morning sickness and I am feeling pretty good except the drowsiness, I don't think I will ever get any sleep through with hyper MS. Speaking of MS, she has found a new obsession with oranges and tries to eat the whole thing!

Happy Anniversary-2 years

2008-05-27T10:03:00.000-05:00

Me and M have been married two years now, not sure what our plans are for tonight. We shall see!

Weeee

2008-04-15T23:08:00.000-05:00

MS had a blast at the park today. She got to play in the swings which she wasn't so sure of to begin with. She didn't like being "pushed" away from mommy. Eventually she relaxed realizing she wasn't going anywhere. She soon saw the geese and the started honking and coming up to her, she again wasn't too sure about that and this is where she has developed her famous "screech" that want to pierce the eardrums. She has gotten quite well at using this anytime she wants her way!

Bubbles Bubbles Everywhere

2008-04-03T23:04:00.001-05:00

Our dear baby MS has discovered the wonderful world of bubbles and really loves them! Anytime she is in the bathroom even if its not bathtime she tries crawling in the bathtub with the bottle of bubbles. She is definately getting funnier everyday! She is beginning to walk really well, I can't believe how well she is walking. She is pretty lazy though and only walks for food at the moment. Speaking of she is now 19 lbs. 10 oz.

MS First Birthday

2008-03-22T22:56:00.000-05:00

Geez, how my baby girl has grown. Life is not fair, its not fair because I never want to see her grow up. She has such the personality now, definately her own person. Very stubborn, strong-willed, cheeky, and very active! I love my little girl the way she is and I don't know how I will be able to cope with her growing up even more than this. She had a good birthday, her daddy's parents came down and her great-grandparents along with all her uncles came for her birthday as well. She was pretty happy playing with her uncles. It was almost like a mini family reunion as I hadn't seen my brothers in a while and she had never seen three of her uncles that were down. Keep in mind her uncles are still to young to even be out of a carseat, much less hop in a car to come see us so they came down with her great-grandparents. It was definately a good day, one that will be cherished forever.

First Visit to the Zoo

2008-03-04T22:46:00.000-06:00

MS had a blast at the zoo. The goats all thought that she had food, even though she didn't! We had a hard time getting out of the petting zoo portion because they bombarded us. It started out a little chilly, but ended up being a nice warm day-perfect for visiting the zoo that took about five hours to get through. She loved the Gorillas, one just kept his back to us but would keep sneaking a peek at MS, it was really cute. She also really seemed to like the rhinos, she couldn't keep her eyes off of them! She just kept talking away to these rhinos, it was really cute!

Great-Grandparents Come To Visit

2008-02-09T22:41:00.001-06:00

Great-Grandma S & J came to visit our little munchkin today. I am pretty sure they had fun with her, I know she had fun with them as you can tell from the picture. I love these people, they are M's grandparents and really good people. We went out to eat as well and MS showed off her piggy skills, I am pretty sure she ate more then me and grandma S!

Miss Cool

2008-01-14T22:35:00.000-06:00

MS is starting to get the hang of standing up. It amazes me to see this little tiny girl standing up and holding on to things to get to where she is going. The amount that babies learn in so little time is insane! I know if I had to learn so much in such a short time now that I would definately go on brain overload! I can't believe in a few short months she is going to be a year old!

First Christmas as a Family of Three

2007-12-26T01:24:00.001-06:00

MS first went head on into all the presents, ripping them apart like a mad woman! She had practice and grandpa & grandma's the previous day. Slowly she got tired after opening great-grandma's blanket that she made her. She cuddle up and wanted a bottle, so here you see sleepy baby instead of crazy rip open all the paper baby. It was a good day and she was definitely happy with all of her presents from everyone.

Christmas Eve @ the Parents

2007-12-25T01:16:00.000-06:00

MS scored big with grandpa & grandma, she definiately had fun and has lots of toys to play with. I think she got tired from opening all the presents because when we got home she was pooped! She had fun though and it was great seeing her face when she finally got a present open, I love Christmas and wish it happened more often just to see the looks she gives everyone.

Little Miss Piggy

2007-12-17T20:12:00.000-06:00

MS has managed to demolish her whole plate of food. Does this surprise, no but geez this girl can out eat me! She is weighing in at 17 lbs. 3 oz. Where does all the food go? I wish I had this girls metabolism!

MS is dedicated

2007-12-02T20:07:00.001-06:00

MS got dedicated tonight, I cried of course. I seriously delayed on that one, I know at times I am a bad mommy. I need to get my butt in gear!

Did I Mention My Child Loves Church?

2007-11-04T20:00:00.000-06:00

MS loves going to church, she loves when we all sing! She claps her hands and hums its adorable and everyone gets a kick out of her thats for sure. I love taking her to church so that I can dress her up all frilly!

Gone Swimming or Atleast Tried

2007-09-30T19:57:00.001-05:00

it turned out that the hotel pool was freezing and there was no way we were going to put her in it, but hey it was a good attempt to go swimming.

Eating Carrots

2007-09-07T19:54:00.000-05:00

Yeah, feeding her carrots was a bad idea. I think her body got more of it then she did, but she liked what she did end up getting in her mouth! She is becoming a little piggy, she is gaining weight left and right! She is now up to 10 lbs. 7 oz, that is pretty good for my little turtle.

Firsts

2007-09-04T19:45:00.000-05:00

MS is now beginning to drink out of a sippy-cup, I feel like she is growing up way to fast. I just blinked and she is growing up, I want her to stay little forever even though I know that is impossible. If anyone comes up with a "stay little forever cure" please let me know.

Dog Is Gone

2007-09-03T19:43:00.000-05:00

This was an everyday occurence, this would be why Fiona now has a nice home in the country with a very nice family.

MS Swinging-Isn't she cute??

2007-08-30T19:36:00.001-05:00

MS loves her swing and it makes mommy & daddy have a little sanity throughout their day. The swing is definitely a blessing to have, I don't know what I would do without it. M being the handyman he is rigged the swing where it actually plugs into the wall so no batteries are required, if you would like to know how this is accomplished leave a comment!

Please Find Your Owner

2007-08-29T19:32:00.000-05:00

Everyone knows I am a "animal" person, I genuinely love animals... I really do. M found this dog hanging around our apartment building and nice ol me said ohh lets keep it and try to find her owner-well owner is still missing in action and it looks like we just inhereted a dog, I guess thats what I get for being nice! Please welcome Fiona to the family.

Baseball Time Again

2007-08-14T18:38:00.000-05:00

We took MS to her first baseball game, I think she had fun watching these crazy people yelling and running all over the place. That lasted about two innings and then she was out like a light bulb. Overall the two weeks of NBC were fun and they are now over, we will be joining the NBC again in another year, just something to look forward to YAY!

Closet Sale!

2007-07-27T23:00:00.001-05:00

I have been pretty busy the past couple days cleaning. I guess I decided it was time to clean out closets. We have only been here 3 months but we have already accumlated JUNK. So I had a mini closet sale, posting things on the net, people picked them up that day and gave me money woohoo! MS is getting huge-I can't believe she is already 4 months old. Time flies by so quick.

Blah

2007-07-25T15:38:00.000-05:00

We went up to Kansas City this past weekend, met M's friends from high school, I am still teasing him about getting old even though he really isn't that old, but thats okay! Got to see my froggy-friend but it wasn't long enough and that really sucked. Found a dog last night so I am busy located its owner-real sweet puppy :)

Blue Angels In Town

2007-07-15T19:13:00.001-05:00

We saw the air show today the Blue Angels were in town and that was a lot of fun. It was extremely hot out but thats okay, it was well worth it watching those birds soar straight into the sky, do loops, corkscrews and dive straight for you!

I dunno whats going on!

2007-07-15T04:45:00.001-05:00

This is miss MS bathing in the sun (we went swimming for the first time)

MS is doing great that would be why I really haven't been blogging lately-I have just been playing with her a lot. I love being a parent, I wish there were more hours in the day to spend with her.

M's high school reunion is next weekend so we are going up to big city to attend that, so that will be fun (hopefully!). We are kinda having some problems now and I really just want to strangle him and tell him WAKE UP AND LOOK AROUND!!!!! Oh well thats another post for another day!

2007-07-02T22:22:00.000-05:00

What a wild and crazy week and half. I really haven't even had time to sit down it seems like. I am always doing something or someone is needing something. I wish I could say "no" why can't I tell people now, I should have learned my lesson by now by always being the nice person and saying yeah I can do that or sure if you need that. Why can't I just be the grumpy-cranky person that nobody even asks anything of and shudder when they even think to ask me. Will I change? Probably not because I do enjoy helping others but it really is starting to impede into MY time! I will say that my new neighbors have found out pretty quickly that (a) I usually have food stocked for when THEY need something (b) I am a great babysitter (c) my husband can fix computers/phone lines/cable lines/electric wiring and more (d) we will always take you where you need to go since you don't have a vehicle (e) we will answer our phone when its 1am because you happen to think having a "crisis" is something we care to hear about.... Wow! Just reading that makes me feel somewhat bitchy and relieved... Now if I could only say that to earwax neighbor, drunk neighbor, crazy neighbor and Mr. boom boom neighbor... Today I got a note on my door from Mr. Boom Boom saying he would like to borrow the following movies-do you not have the courteous to knock on the door and ask? There wasn't even a please or thanks in advance, it was a simple demand and now I am mad about it but of course I probably won't be blunt about it because I don't want to make the neighbors mad even thought I am blunt to everyone else around me, what is it with these people that I can't be blunt or just say no? I now babysit everyday-she is a good kid though but some days I just want time to sit will my dear baby WHO IS 13 POUNDS is sleeping. Oh well I guess I can't complain too much because I am not doing anything to fix it as of right now.

I miss my froggy-friend :) I can't wait to see her on the 20Th! I miss my in-laws I haven't seen mommy-dearest in law since May and daddy-dearest in law since the end of May. So I am excited to see everyone and meet M's friends that he had in high school (it is his 10 year reunion)

M still likes his job-I like it because it finally has set hours... I guess I sorta have a job babysitting 5 days a week it isn't too bad, poor kid gets bored at my house though because I have nothing to entertain her with :(

Random Ramblings....

2007-06-22T07:17:00.000-05:00

What do I write? I am totally at a loss for emotions let alone words. Right now life is just going, same old routine, no change, just there. Not that I am complaining I just wish I got out of my house more often. But it seems anytime I get out of the house (like yesterday) MS does something really cute and I miss it. I feel bad for missing my daughter laugh. Maybe when I have my mom watch her I will instruct her to not tell me anything she does anymore so I don't feel horrible about missing it. Maybe I just won't ever leave again so I don't miss anything, I don't know because I think I want a job, but then again I don't know. I am so indecisive lately, I don't know what my problem is lately. I am just stuck between what I think I want that day, even though I don't really want to...

I have also realized a lot of people are "friends of convenience" this has really put a damper in my day to day activities. I have done a lot for the person that I haven't known very long, I thought she was a friend. I am opening my eyes and realizing that she only comes around when she wants something or needs me to watch her kid. I have also noticed she is FULL of drama, I have my own problems people, I don't need yours! She is constantly having an problem that could be avoided if she would just think about things for once, but I don't think she has anymore brain cells left!

I have realized my mom is a fantastic person, I didn't give her enough credit for the woman she is. I used to say "I will never be like my mom" well now I am re-tracting that statement I hope I am woman enough to be just like my mom. I would be so lucky to even be half the woman that my mom is. She is totally honest, kind, caring, blunt, can take care of anything that goes wrong. My mom can paint, draw, do anything you want her to. My mom takes pride in everything she does and I just hope I become like her one day.

Underestimated

2007-06-01T20:27:00.000-05:00

I really under-estimated how much a stay at home mother really does! I thought this stuff would be easy... You know watch some tv and just relax. Boy was I wrong. I am constantly cleaning and taking care of MS I hardly sit down through the day... I think having a job would be easier to do then to stay at home. It seems like nothing is ever done and I am constantly doing it over and over. I love staying home with MS but its hard!

MS is doing great, she is rolling over both ways now and starting to scoot around the house. Its hilarious! She puts her butt in the air kicks her legs and puts her head down and off she goes, maybe I can catch a picture of her doing it one of these days! I don't know how people can catch all their children's first moments I feel like such a horrible mother but by the time she is doing it I want to keep watching her instead of running for the camera... Maybe I could just attach the camera to me everyday so I could get all of those moments haha!

M is enjoying his job still despite all the idiots but I will save those stories for later, maybe when I actually have the time to sit here in type. I really should be putting away clothes but hey this girl needs a break!

My froggy-friend is coming into town tomorrow I am so excited, I haven't seen her in almost a month YAY!

I have made some new friends since being here that live across from us, its almost like New York (stereo-typed) sitting on our porch's looking at each other and talking... lots and lots of talking its great!

Everything Eventually Comes Together.... Right?

2007-05-23T23:14:00.000-05:00

Its really hard to blog lately when life gets so busy! My froggy-friend has been on my butt to make yet another blog post, so I guess I need to buckle down and try to get back to our regularly scheduled program on MY life haha!

M likes his job but hates working with all the idiots... He says its pretty sad when the stupid people are calling other people stupid. His stories he comes home with are rather amusing and really shows the intelligence of the crew!

MS is doing really good. She sure is growing. She is 7lbs. 4 oz. 20 inches long now. She is now the size of an average newborn, which is just crazy! She is sleeping fairly well. Yesterday me and her tangled all day. I just wanted to crawl in a hole and not come out, unfortunately that was not an option, but she was a great little girl today-I went back to liking her (I know that sounds horrible).

I am trying to be the "stereo-typical" housewife (yes, i know that is amusing for some of you). I am not doing that good though to say the least. My house looks like a tornado went through it and dinner is never ready when I want it to be. But hey I am trying!

I miss everyone back in Big-Town Kansas but I know this was a good move for us and financially we are getting back to where we want to be so that is a good thing and I am starting to stress a little less than what I was. We can actually afford a child now YAY!

Our neighbor SH is hilarious and has really welcomed us into the neighborhood, she is hilarious. She is a huge klutz (her words not mine)... The other night she spilled her coke in the process of cleaning that up she kicked her daughters plant across the yard, managed to break her chair, then fall off the side of the porch and now she was not under the influence of anything which makes it even more hilarious.

Our other neighbor J has tried to poison us with expired crackers A WHOLE FREAKING BOX FULL! I am glad that I am fairly anal about looking for expiration dates on everything... That box is now at the bottom of a dumpster. Lesson #600 Never accept food from strangers!

Better Days Ahead

2007-05-17T21:24:00.000-05:00

We are finally moved into our place in small town Kansas, its really nice and has BRAND NEW appliances which I am in love with. If I could marry my appliances I would haha! In the past two weeks a lot of things have happened. M has a great job which he is going on day 5 of that job and still likes it so thats a good sign I think. We still don't have all our boxes un-packed but it will get there, I would rather stare at my daughter than un-pack because I will only be able to get those moments for so long.

Had to take MS to the doctor today. She (I thought) had allergies the classic red puffy eyes, stuffy nose, & sneezing. Well today she was running a fever so I took her in. I am definately changing doctors after the tests are ran... The nurses putting it nicely are incompetent and have proved they don't read charts so now I am questioning why these people even make charts if they don't read the stupid things. Anyways she is 7 lbs 4 oz now and 20 inches long YAY still in the 5th percentile but thats a lot of weight to gain in two months, as long as the numbers are going up I am happy. The doctor thinks she has GERD (Gastrointestinal Reflux Disease) its common in preemies so he is having us go Tuesday to do an upper GI X-ray with barium to make sure thats what it is. If it is then he is going to prescribe Zantac & Regulin to help with that. If thats what it is the meds sure will make my days so much better. I might actually be able to get something done instead of her screaming in pain and me going to run and get her because I know she is uncomfortable. I feel like crying when she cries because I want so bad to be able to take her pain away but I know I can't :(

An Open Window

2007-05-03T00:28:00.000-05:00

We finally found a place close to small town kansas! We are approved and we move on Tuesday! My overall mood has drastically improved after hearing the good news. No more worrying about where we are going to live. Most of the house is packed (still looks like a tornado went through it though.)

M and I went with the family up to Kansas City, Missouri which is where we went for our honeymoon (our 1 year anniversary is the 27th of this month). It was really neat going back there after all most a year. It really brought back good memories. We took the same pictures we did last year but this time add in the little munchkin (will update this post with those pictures once i upload them). We went up to Skies (revolving restaurant above the 40th floor mark) which was a lot of fun even though it was foggy & rainy. We went through Crown Center and visited the indoor waterfall. It was a blast and I hope on our 2nd anniversary we are able to go back up there, even if its just for the day.

MS has been a very cranky little girl lately and I am at a loss of what to for her. I really think she has been having bad gas and the mylicon drops don't seem to work... Any advice?

The Evil Pacifier

2007-04-30T23:46:00.000-05:00

This is the pacifier... It is EVIIIILL! MS unfortunately loves the stupid thing. So its time to outweigh the pros and cons

PROS
-It is said that a pacifier can decrease SIDS by 20 %
- it will soothe her when she is crying and sometimes get me and extra 30 min-hour sleep (which is a big pro)
- Since she is a preemie-they say it helps them gain weight faster (only a handful of reports published about this topic, so not too sure if its correct or not)
- She really seems to enjoy sucking on the evil thing

CONS
-at night if she loses it she screams until it is back in place-this happens about 10 times a night and it REALLY STINKS
-25% more likely to have chronic ear infections
-can cause dental problems (in children over 2 years old-which SHE WILL BE WEANED FROM IT BY THEN)

All in all the pros outweigh the cons its just less stressful for her to have it but more stressful for me. I just wish she would get tired of the pacifier and decide its no fun to suck on anymore... This is the ramblings of an over tired mommy haha!

In other news.
M's brother and sister-in-law are here in town so we have been enjoying visiting with them. They are really fun to hang out with and they seem to really like MS (its really cute).

Pull My Hair Out & Call My Britney Spears

2007-04-27T23:34:00.001-05:00

Is this what I will be living in soon????

Today has been a very long day! I am sick of looking for places! The mortgage company that could finance a house offered a pretty crappy deal. They will cover 70% and we have to come down with 30%. Lets just put this into perspective a $50,000 house would be 15,000 down and a 50,000 dollar house is a rare find in the first place. So now house ownership is out of the question for the moment. We have two more places to pursue so hopefully we can get into one of them. We pushed back the move to Friday morning which is the last day that we can move. I am crossing my fingers and hoping that one of these come through because I really don't want to live with my parents. Living with my parents would be very stressful on everyone involved. As my wise husband says "your parents really like me now, I don't want it to be different."

On the MS front. She has been a little cranky butt today! She doesn't want daddy today. She wants to be held by mommy and screams if she isn't. I really hope she isn't getting sick because she normally isn't like this at all. She has a diaper rash from the Luv's diapers that we just tried so its back to Pampers, so much for trying to buy cheaper diapers! I feel so sorry for her little butt, she only wore them for a day but her butt is so raw (poor baby). She is rolling over all the time and its really scary, I can't put her someone and her stay in one spot. So now she is being placed in a bouncer/swing/or floor when I go to do other things because I am scared that she is going to fall off the bed or couch. I heard that you aren't supposed to put them in a bassinet after they start rolling but everything else is packed up so she will have to stay in that for a week longer (hopefully we have our own place in a week).

I just want this whole move to be over with so that I can get back into my routine again and have a house that is not full of boxes. It is going to be weird having M go back to work and I will have her all by myself. I am really not looking forward to that because I have relayed on him a lot (maybe too much) and I am scared that I can't do this all by myself!

Brick Walls & Dead Ends... Does it get better?

2007-04-26T13:31:00.000-05:00

Well we are scheduled to move on the 3rd lets keep in mind people that it less than a week away LESS THAN A WEEK!!!!

Last month we almost locked into a rent-to-own 3 bedroom/2 bath, island stove all out gorgeous place. The guy we shall call him Mr. Icandoanything said that we would qualify no problem even after we told him about or not the greatest credit due to lovely student loans and a ex-wife. Again he says no problem they (lenders) won't care.

We begin to pack or what I thought tiny apartment until I begun to sort through things, but hey we are moving to a better place so its worth it RIGHT?

Well, the next day he calls and said well we had a little bit of a hitch and the lenders want you to have a co-signer. Well, I told him to call my father and talk to him about the details. Well that didn't work out. So now we are packed with no place to go.

We get on the phone and team up with my parents to find a place. So now we find a trailer for rent. Sounded really nice, my parents both loved and said they were sure we would to. Well okay lets pursue this. We told the lady about our credit she said it was fine we told them that my hubby had a felony (don't worry he didn't kill, assault, or rape anyone! It was more like the stupid state pursued a case even though the charges were dropped and it was a non-person level 10 (lowest) felong) anyways she said it wouldn't be a problem to get in. Well we get a call back the next day (keep in mind a $35 application fee) and said it was their policy to not let anyone with a felony live in the trailer park. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? We even explained the felony and that it was four years old to you and you said it would be okay! Now, its time to pull my hair out!

My mom said maybe it would be easier to get into a house and buy it. She talks to a realtor down their. The realtor emails me 6 different houses (keep in my mind my mom has explained everything) she says that Prudential can work with us and get us into something. I call the lady to tell her which houses I narrowed it down to so my mom can go look at them tomorrow (now today). I again re-iterate or credit and she says "oh well i didn't realize it was that bad" LADY I JUST TOLD YOU BEFORE WHAT OUR CREDIT SCORE WAS, WHATS SO HARD TO REALIZE???? So, she calls Wells Fargo and now they are trying to work with us (rolls eyes), he knows our credit score and he response was "well I can do things most people can't" well I am glad your confident in yourself but I definately not that confident in mr. egotistical!

We also called a place for rent (2bedroom/2bath) the man told me that he would think about the cats and get back to us. I call back later and the house has been rented out.

Is this our sign to NOT move? I know we have to move though because we live in a 1 bedroom apartment and we definately need more room their is no doubt about it. With small town M would be making more money and cost of living is cheaper than it is big town. Finacially this makes sense for us and I am getting really worried now that the 3rd is getting so close!

Dark & Rainy & Funny Stuff

2007-04-24T10:53:00.000-05:00

The weather sure is affecting me today. I am in just one of "those" moods. I am sick of my house being torn up (due to moving) and I can't wait to just move so I have some order back in my life again. Right now my routine is total chaos and I am not liking it one bit!

Last night MS went to grandpa & grandma's so that we can pack some more (again trying to restore some balance in my house). They thought it was pretty cute that while lying on her tummy she can support herself on her hands and look directly at you. (Really, its kinda creepy that she is that strong, I really wasn't expecting her to be this strong so soon!

I can't wait to move into our nice 3 bedroom/2 bath house WITH A tornado shelter (a must in a part of Kansas known for getting bombed with tornados). I am so excited to get their and decorate (yes, i know i am nuts)! Or maybe i am just really excited because I will be getting out of this place that is called an "apartment" which is far from it! I would prefer to call it a dwelling that is falling apart as the landlord stands idly by because she isn't that smart and tries to fix everything herself.

Saturday M's brother and sister-in-law are coming into town. I am really excited to see them. Haven't seen them since our wedding (which has been a while). K (his sister-in-law) said she really wants to babysit well more power to her hahah. She might decide she never wants kids after this (in MS's defense she really isn't too bad, pretty well-natured but thats besides the point hah).

So, I guess I should title this post something different since most of my news is positive but I think I will keep it since after all its dark & rainy outside and I might just get blown away in a tornado today!!!

1 Month Old... How Time Passes So Quickly

2007-04-22T13:06:00.000-05:00

MS is a month old today. I can't believe that she has been home with us for three weeks now. She is growing a lot! We went to the doctor on Friday and she is weighing 5 lbs. 12 oz. 18 1/2 inches long, head circumference 13 1/2 inches. So in the last month she has grown 1 lb. 10 oz. 1 1/2 inches long and her head has grown 1 1/2 inches. Thats insane! She is finally fitting really well into newborn clothes (yay, be ready for cute clothes pictures now haha)

She has quite the personality thats for sure. She definately has my temper and gets mad quickly but gets over it quickly too! She loves staring at me and M's face, lights, fans, and the Little Mermaid book. She could care less about any noises she will look where its coming from and then go right back to what she was doing beforehand. She is also in love with her pacifier, which I HATE HATE HATE, reason being I hate it is because even if she is dead asleep and loses it and wakes up screaming. Oh well its supposed to help prevent SIDS so I can't complain too much.

M and I decided we are definately moving to small town, KS and he is taking the job offer there. We are going to (most likely) be moving on May 2nd so its been pretty hectic around here packing and sorting and of course throwing things away.

I'm pretty excited about the move since I will be closer to my parents which I really miss a lot. On the other hand though I feel bad because M's parents are here and he for the most part has lived here his whole life. He is going to have to adjust to all the streets and probably get lost a couple times and won't be close to his family and I feel bad for that. Even though thats what I did last year when I came up to live with him but it seems different.

We have so much to do, I didn't realize how much CRAP we had laying around that is now filling up the dumpster. Thankfully we have 4 dumpsters that are picked up weekly otherwise nobody else would be able to their trash where it needs to go (which would be rather amusing, since our landlord lives here and we are extremely tired of the way she goes about things. But if I discuss that further this post would turn into a rant and I don't intend on making it that)

A Week in Reflection

2007-04-19T15:58:00.000-05:00

I didn't know anybody that passed away, I didn't know anyone who even attends that school. But my heart goes out to the families and friends of these students. How could someone be so malice? I have found myself not even watching the news about it because even though I knew nobody it some what hits home. Now that I have a baby I couldn't imagine losing my only child or any child for that matter. These people that were murdered in cold blood are my age that could easily have been me and its scary. I just pray that the families find some peace in knowing that the person that murdered their children/siblings/best friends etc. will never walk the streets again and be able to hurt anymore people ever again.

What set him off? There are so many questions that will probably never be answered or any light shed on them. My heart goes out to these families

In other less depressing news, we are moving back to little town to a nice big house and M now has a good job once we get down there. Financially its a really good move for us and I will be about 10 minutes away from my parents. The only down-side is we are leaving M's parents and I feel bad for moving after just having MS and taking M away from them. But we would like to be better finacially so its a good move and I can't wait to be close to my family again!

MS is getting a lot bigger, its crazy how much she has grown! She is now standing when we hold her, its hilarious to see! Now if we could just get over puking everywhere life would be great!! She is now sleeping about 4 1/2 hours at night so I can't complain too much!

March of Dimes-Walk America

2007-04-16T17:54:00.000-05:00

I decided today that I am going to walk in the March of Dimes Walk. I know MS wasn't that premature but it still hits home. Unfortunately many babies are very premature and aren't as lucky as MS to get out in 7 days and they need your help!

There are two ways you can help. (1) register to walk or (2) sponsor my team

Here is the link http://walkamerica.org/phelpsfamily

Date Night

2007-04-15T00:02:00.000-05:00

Before we started our night I wrote out specific instructions for our little bundle of joy to make sure she wasn't too stressed out over different care & handling... yes I know I am truly a dork, but totally okay with that!

This is how we started the night with our precious little bundle of joy... very alert & awake, ready to eat for grandma & grandpa...

We went to Outback Steakhouse and had a great dinner... yummy shrimp! It then started snowing IN APRIL IN KANSAS! I thought that was CRAZY!

Then we went to Home Depot and bought cable ends... Still snowing very wet and COLLLLD!

Then we traveled to the mall... I decided I wanted to start reading to MS so we went to Foozles (a book store in there) they were having a great sale! We got a whole bunch of Dr. Seuss & Disney books, yes ME, I, THE DUMMY spent 50.00 on BOOKS for a child that won't be reading for a loooong time. Oh well she will just be able to recite every book from memory when I am through! mwhahaha

After that it was snowing pretty heavy and we went and got our sweet little baby! Here she is safe at home with mommy and daddy... sleeping (she does that well!)

All in all it was actually pretty nice to get out. I was wondering about her the whole time and I called a couple times to check on her. She doesn't seem traumatized by the whole thing so maybe M and I will have to make a habit of going out together once a month because it was a lot of fun.

Looking back on pictures I can't believe how much she has grown! Its insane how fast she is growing. I would love to get to the point where she sleeps through the night and then just stop her from growing even though I know it doesn't work that way :(

All Around Good Week

2007-04-11T15:07:00.000-05:00

Things have started to settle down here now, which I am psyched about! MS sleeps through the night, we have to physically wake her up to feed her and then she goes right back to sleep, I really hope this continues. She is now wearing newborn clothes, they are still a little big but preemie clothes are to small. She has finally decided that the boob is good and I now don't have to mess with the stupid nipple shield. She is growing like a weed, she will be 3 weeks old tomorrow I can't believe it!

M is a great father, did I say great father? I really don't know what I would do without him. He is always helping out and making sure I am okay too. I need to start telling him thank you, because I am beginning to take all his help for granted and in May he has to go back to work and I will have to get up with her at night because he works hard and I wouldn't want him to be tired all day and driving. I think I need to come up with ideas to thank him, because just a plain thank you isn't good enough in my opinion.

Everything is going pretty good for me, I have found out that at 3 in the morning I am a pretty grumpy person and I pity M for having to deal with me. I have been able to get a shower everyday this week and clean the house, quite an accomplishment in my opinion. So here I sit squeaky clean in my clean living room, I know in about 6 months that my house will never be clean again. I am slowly coming to terms with that. My incision where they took MS out hurts again because of my stupid (STUPID STUPID) cat Trouble. I was sitting on the couch loving him and he decides to jump in the air and of course land on my incision... I am beginning to not like my cat at the moment!

Me and M are going to go out on Friday, I am nervous about leaving my baby with his parents. Not that I don't think his parents can take care of her I know they can and will but thats my baby and what if she cries the whole time I would feel horrible for leaving her... I guess once Friday comes we will see how I feel about this and if I can actually go through with leaving her for 2 hours while we go out to eat.

Infomercial really stink at 3 o'clock in the morning, why can't they have better things on? The should have a channel just for parents that are up that stinking early/late. GIVE US SOMETHING INTERESTING TO WATCH!!!!!

Am I Lying To Myself?

2007-04-09T11:51:00.000-05:00

-I think she is getting bigger! She is starting to fit into newborn clothes and too small for preemie clothes.

-I will be extremely happy to see those preemie clothes being packed up, there aren't many cute clothes for preemies... hint hint designing people out there you could make some money in designing cute preemie clothes!

-Things are starting to get better besides the whole feeding schedule, which is now moving to every 3 1/2 hours instead of every 3 hours, we are getting some where people, slowly but surely!

-I actually cleaned my house yesterday, some how I ACTUALLY found time to clean, holy moly! Yes, I am very proud of that thank you very much!

-I have found the spot where I can get my me time... When MS is fussy and I really need to check out of mommy-hood for a while I will tell M I have to go to the bathroom and go poop, yes I know I am a liar but I am honestly okay with that because for 10 minutes I am in my quiet place and nobody bothers me. By revealing this I may have just blown that though....

-MS has discovered that she really likes me holding her when she goes to sleep, which I am okay with... I hope she always stays as cuddly as she is now but I doubt that will happen.

-She is holding her head up really well! YAY!

-She is smiling and now its been confirmed that its not just gas, she actually smiles when you tickle her or when she sees me or M. My little girl is already growing up and I don't think I am adjusting well to that yet. Even though sleeping through the night wouldn't be too bad in my opinion but its all worth it.

-Wow, I must be in a good mood today! I have been up most the night and I have a smile on my face! Thats pretty shocking, guess this is a sign that its going to be a great day (crosses fingers).

My Cat is Bigger than Your Cat!

2007-04-07T01:55:00.000-05:00

-I have become to realize my whole life revolves around the munchkin whether I like it or not

-My nipples are very sore

-I hate pumping and I hate the stupid nipple shield, why won't she take my naked boob!!!?

-My cat is still bigger than she is and he is only 7lbs.

-I am a zombie, I am still not used to no sleep, I am still not believing anyone who tells me it will get better because then I will get my hopes up and it will never happen

-I love the little munchkin but she loves puking on me more

-Can you devoice a baby? Yeah thats what I thought, damn the luck

-Went to see the peditrician today and she is 4 lbs. 14 oz. now

Can't Sleep Baby Will Eat Me

2007-04-04T17:12:00.000-05:00

Sleep? What is sleep? I think I have forgotten what sleep is all about. I know I lay in bed and close my eyes but that is as close to sleep as I have gotten in a while. MS is doing great she is becoming a lot more alert and loves looking at the fan, lights, and eyes... She has been smiling but I am sure its just gas! Went to the doctor yesterday and she weights 4 lbs. 10 oz so she is up 5 oz. in 5 days woohoo!

My birthday was on the 1st and I got a new digital camera (thanks mom &dad #2), so look for lots of MS pics and weird random pictures that I decide are worth taking...

Already a week old

2007-03-31T13:15:00.001-05:00

MS celebrated her 1 week old birthday on Thursday... She got a fantastic present too! She got to come home from the hospital woohoo! I thought I would be up all night, get no sleep, and have her screaming all hours of the night but I thought wrong. The past two nights have been very mellow, she is eating great and keeping her temperature YAY!

Went to the doctor on Friday and she has gained 2 more ounces in a day bringing her up to 4 lbs. 5 oz. he said to keep up what we were doing and she would be big in no time. She is now in the 7th percentile for weight she was in 3rd so thats always good news.

Her umbilical cord fell off at the doctors office when the doctor was examining her. Not sure if she has an innie or an outie, its kinda in between... I will report more on that later!

M has become quite the daddy, he gets up with me for MS feedings and loves to take care of all her needs and of course hold her hold her hold her. Right now they are cuddled up in bed sleeping, its really cute!

Day 6 of NICU

2007-03-29T00:31:00.000-05:00

Today has been an extremely long day. I don't think my body can take much more of the lack of sleep. I know once she is home it will be a lot easier because when she wants to eat I won't have to drive 15 minutes to get her some of my yummy moo juice! I can't wait to have her home. They put her back in the open air crib and her body temperature has been able to stay high enough to stay in there for 12 hours and counting, so thats one step closer to getting home. She started having an irregular heartbeat today that our nurse saw. They ran an 12 lead EKG and called in a cardiologist consult. We saw the cardiologist and he said its fairly common even in newborns and not to be alarmed. I am very glad it was nothing but very thankful to have had it checked out just in case. The doctors are really good but none of them communicate with each other which somewhat upsets me. One doctor (her actual peditrician) said to supplement my breast milk feedings with 35 ml of breast milk & fortifier to increase it to 22 calories. She did really well with that but then the nurse practioner came in a couple hours later and tried to reduce that amount. Well angry momma bear came out and I told her like it was, I don't think she likes me anymore but this stuff happens all the time and they always contradict each other. Its really rather annoying! She has gained even more weight. Gained an ounce in 1 day YAY she is now up to 4 lbs. 3 oz. so officially she is above her birth weight yippee! Tomorrow is most likely her carseat test, I am crossing my fingers that she stays warm (never been exposed to open air without blanket for more than an hour) and that her O2 stays where it needs to be. Keep your fingers crossed for this please!

Birth Story

2007-03-28T09:53:00.000-05:00

March 21st I was put on cervadil to thin my cervix, they didn't think this would put me into labor and I would have to wait for the morning to start pitocin. Around 10pm that night those contractions started and let me just say contractions are not fun! All I could do was lay there and imagine how gorgeous she was going to be that is what helped me get through those nasty nasty contractions.

Around 3:30 in the morning of the 22nd my nurse came in looked at the monitor and said "hmm" then another nurse and another... At this point I started to freak out a little bit, I asked what was wrong, they said her heart rate was falling every time I had a contraction. The said they were scheduling a c-section at 5:30 in the morning and they had to stop the contractions.

Next thing I know the nurse comes in and says we are prepping you for c-section now... (this was about 3:50am). Next thing I know I am being wheeled into an operating room. I remember hearing rock music playing and it was really hot in there! It took six tries for the doctor to get my epidural correctly placed which seemed like an eternity being hunched over and leaning on M. As soon as the epidural took effect they started cutting.

It was really laid back in there I think mainly because I knew all the nurses and the doctors because of weeks of being there on bedrest and wheeling around the hospital almost non-stop in a gorgeous black wheelchair (haha). I got compliments like "you got really great tissue" which I was amused about that then and I still am! M was able to videotape the whole thing which was absolutely awesome.

At 4:39 am MS was brought into this lovely world. The moment Dr. S raised her over the screen for me to see I lost it. I started bawling and I was so relieved she was here. I mumbled the words "I'm a mommy" it hit me that all of these months that I have had my little angel inside me I had grown to love her so much that it hurt.

She had to be taken to NICU because her body temperature was really low so M went up there with her which was a relief to me. Around 8 am they wheeled me up in the bed and let me see her for 5 minutes, I cried the whole time. I was devastated that I couldn't hold my baby, all I could do was stare and that hurt.

Around 930 I was already up there to go see my precious angel she was in an isolette and a heart rate monitor attached to her. I begin to cry, she looked so vulnerable and tiny. I just wanted to grab her, hold her to my chest and run out of the building.

Now its day 6 in NICU. She was under bili-lights for jaundice but those levels have went down. She is eating very well! They are weaning her temperature down. She was moved to a crib but had to go right back to an isolette because she had gotten too cold. Doctors say she should be home by the weekend... I am sure hoping so!

Mismatch Family Has A New Member

2007-03-26T23:48:00.001-05:00

This little munchkin here would be why I haven't updated in a while. I will update soon I promise

Ms born March 22 @ 439am weighing 4 lbs. 2 oz. and 17 inches long